Seven Kinds of Love
by Shaddow55
Summary: Adam is still struggling with his recent loss and being the single father of two young girls. How will he manage when Emily and Katie have to tag along on a cattle drive? When Adam hires an old friend to watch his daughters the rest of the summer, will he find love again? And when his life seems to be turned upside down again, will he find the peace he is looking for?
1. Emily's birthday

Same story as In the Pines but when I posted the story it was late and I couldn't think of a better title. Oh ya, I do not own Bonanza, the original characters or songs in this story. Disclaimer: I do not own Bonanza or the originals characters.

* * *

"Hello," Emily smiled sweetly at a young girl about her age, she had just walked in the store with what seemed to be her mother. "my name is Emily. Are you new here?" She asked noticing the fancy clothes the girl was wearing.

"Yes," The girl frowned down at her.

"What's your name?" Emily pushed.

"My mother is waiting for me." The girl quickly turn and walked away, but bumped into Katie who had been sent to grab her older sister.

"I'm sorry." She apologized.

"Well, you should be. Watch where your going." The girl snapped.

"Why do you dress so funny?" Katie asked spitefully.

"What may I ask are you wearing, a potato sack?" The girl quickly shot back and walked away. Emily and Katie where both fuming inside, Emmy grabbed her sisters hand and practically drug her out of the store.

"What's got you two so riled up?" Little Joe asked at the expressions on their faces.

"The girl..." Katie started.

"Nothing." Emily cut her off and climbed up into the wagon. "Where's Daddy?" She asked noticing the absence of her father.

"He was talking to a lady, he should be around soon." Ben smiled back at the girls.

"Or not so soon." Joe added as he lifted Katie into the back of the wagon. "She sure was somethin to look at." Ben rolled his eyes, each knowing full well that Adam was not even close to being ready to see another woman. Emily gave her uncle a scowl and sat down with a "thump" looking away from him. "Hey, what's got your goat?" He asked leaning on the side of the wagon.

"Daddy loves Mama, he would never like another lady." She spat at him.

"Of course Adam loves your Mama more than anything, Ems, but..." Ben stopped little Joe knowing that Emily was not ready to consider her father remarrying.

"He can talk to other ladies just like I can." He smiled at Emmy and touched her cheek. Katie stood in the back, holding onto the wagon seat, her dark brown curls bouncing around as she bounced her grandfather's seat.

"There he is," Katie squealed. "and see no lady." She finished seriously as to prove her uncle wrong. Emily peaked over the wagon seat and smile with relief.

"Well, I see everyone is ready. Sorry you had to wait on me." Adam apologized and climbed into his seat in the wagon. Hoss rode up beside them with a large package in set in front of him.

"Got it, Pa." He smiled knowingly.

"Let's get home before Hop Sing packs up and leaves for China." Ben chuckled, Hop Sing had been on one of his rants when everyone left the house that afternoon, saying he was going back to China.

"Daddy," Emmy questioned as they headed for home. "Is Clint coming to my party too?"

"Of course." Adam smiled back at her.

"Good, I wish all the hands could come." She said sadly. Emily had grown close to her family's employees over the last month of working with her father. The men adored Adam's girls and had begun teaching them everything they know about ranching. Clint was closest with Emily as he had taught her how to play baseball in their spare time. She looked up to the man and all that he could do, little Joe had been jealous at first but realized there was enough room in that girls heart to love the world equally.

"We'll ride down to the bunkhouse after the party and say "hi" alright." Adam said.

They pulled up to the house about ten minutes later, everybody headed in separate directions to tend to their responsibilities before the party. "Daddy, me and uncle Joe can take care of the horses." Emily volunteered as her father started to bring the team into the barn.

"You need to get your chores done and then get dressed for the party." Adam said.

"Can I do that after I take care of the horses. Uncle Joe taught me, I can even do it all by myself, without help." She said proudly. Adam gave into the birthday girl, it was her special day, why not let her spend it how she wanted to.

"Alright," Adam looked between her and Joe. "but don't take to long. You still need to get changed." Adam touched her chin, smiled and left them to their task.

"Adam, come tell me what you think." Ben smiled from the doorway. Adam followed his father over to his desk and smiled at the pretty green dress laid on the back of his chair. Ben had noticed a few Sundays back how short her green dress was getting but knowing how much she loved that particular one, decided it would be best to replace it rather than get rid of it.

"I hope she'll like it enough not to have a cow about wearing a dress on her birthday." Adam chuckled, Emily had started to hate wearing dresses, which was probably due to spending most of the summer in a button up shirt and pants.

Back in the barn Emily and Uncle Joe were both hard at work, Emily loving every moment with the horses, and Joe just happy to spend time with his niece. "Uncle Joe, nine doesn't feel all that different from eight but it sounds so much older." Emily reasoned.

"It is your first day of being nine, Ann, you can't expect to feel to much older just yet." Joe chuckled at his niece. Emily smiled at him, she loved his pet name for her, and only uncle Joe was allowed to call her that.

"I wish Mama could be here, she loved parties." She said sadly, bringing one of the horses into its stall. She patted the horse lovingly and then headed to Duke, Hoss's rather large horse.

"Ya, she did. Especially her daughter's parties." Joe smiled at her. "You know, your Mama may not be here in person, but she is always in your heart. You always have a piece of her with you, cuz your a part of her." He finished Cochise and went to work on Hoss's horse with her.

"You really think so, uncle Joe?" She moved to the same side as him, so that she could see his face, he couldn't lie to her if they were face to face.

"I know so, Ann. You know the older you get the more you look like her." He patted her shoulder. "Your hair is the same, and your smile can light up the room just like hers did, even your facial expressions are the same." He chuckled at the thought, Sarah had been so animated and both of her daughters had inherited that.

"Thanks, I better get inside and get ready. Mama always liked me to dress my best for parties, I think she would like that this time too." Joe nodded at her and she ran off towards the house. She flung the door open and ran smack into her grandfather. He gently grabbed her shoulders and laughed.

"Whoa, slow down there." He smiled at the excitement in her eye.

"I can't Grandpa, I have to go get dressed up for Mama." She explained stumbling over her words, they came out so quickly.

"Really?" He was a little shocked at her willingness to get dressed up. "Well, in that case, I have something that you might need." He led her over to the office chair and pointed at a simple yet beautiful green dress. It was a bright forest green, the hem was flowy and ruffled, and the quarter length sleeves ruffled at the ends. A white pinafore lay over the rest of the dress with tiny flowers and leaves covering it and lace in a swooped design at the hem. The collar was the same color as the dress but had a little white lace design on it.

"Is that for me?" She questioned eyes glowing.

"Well, it was for Hoss but he wouldn't wear it, so I thought you might like it." He joked.

"Oh Grandpa, Thank you!" She hugged him tight. "Can I put it on?"

"Of course," Ben chuckled. "I've been dying to see it on you." With that Emily grabbed the dress and ran upstairs to her room, Ben decided to ignore the running through the house and just be thankful for her excitement.

Emily had been upstairs for a little over a half hour, Katie had left her sister to herself being completely bored and had joined the men downstairs. Now just fifteen minutes until people would be showing up, they all waited in the living room for Emmy to come down.

"Emily, hurry up." Adam called up to her.

"Just a minute." She called back, then with a a couple finishing touches she headed out the door. The family stood as she walked down the stairs and they all just stared at the little lady that stood before them. "What do you think?" She spun. "I tried tying my hair like Mama used to, to make it curly but it didn't really work." She explained. Emily's hair was slightly wavy and one side was gently pulled back in one of her mother's fancy hair clips, and the dress she wore hung perfectly on her thin frame. Adam had first noticed the clip that he had bought Sarah as a wedding gift, his immediate reaction was to tell her to take it off and put it back. But he knew that would break her heart, so he put aside his emotions, though he still didn't like how grown up she looked.

"You look pretty." Katie finally said, walking over to her sister. "Can you do my hair like that?" She asked.

"Maybe in a couple of years." Adam interrupted, not about to his six year old grow up so fast.

"Do you like it, Daddy?" She asked directly.

"Yes, you look so much like your Mama." He reached down and lifted her into his arms. "Your beautiful, but not just tonight, your always beautiful." Adam kissed his daughter's cheek and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

After a little while, the people began to arrive, just a couple family's that the Cartwrights were close to. They normally didn't have big birthdays, except for the special one's, but Adam had decided to make them a big deal this year to help the girls cope, it being there first birthdays without their mother. When Cecily arrived with her family, Emily immediately grabbed her and ran off to the barn to show off the horses. Katie found Mary and the two went off together. Jonathan, another one of Emily's best friends, came and headed to the barn to find the girls.

"Ems, Cece." Jonathan called as he came into the barn, he heard giggles but didn't see anything. He walked closer to the sound and was suddenly covered in a pile of hay, laughter erupted above him. "Hey." He yelled as he wiped the hay off of him. "Happy birthday." He grumbled.

"Thanks, you wanna come up?" Emily asked still laughing.

"No, your dad asked me to come get you both so we can have cake." He said as he watched both girls climb down from the hay loft, as soon as their feet touched the ground the were also covered in hay.

"Get 'im." Emmy yelled and they chased him out of the barn and through the yard laughing and yelling at each other. Emily had just about caught up to him when a large arm caught her around the waist and pulled her to a stop.

"Alright, that's enough," Adam chuckled as he held her feet just off the ground. "everyone is waiting on you, birthday girl." He smiled setting her down and began picking the hay out of her hair.

"I guess I'm just to fast for you." Jonathan chuckled as he walked up beside her.

"I woulda caught you and you know it." Emmy defended.

"Oh stop it, you two are worse than brothers and sisters." Cece stood in between them. "Besides Jay, boys are naturally faster than girls, so the fact that she almost caught you is pretty sad on your part." Cecily teased. Jay was Jonathan's nick name, since his mother wouldn't have anyone calling him John or Johnny.

"Come on, before Hoss eats the cake without us all." Adam chuckled, wondering how these three managed to stay best friends.

After blowing out the candles and making a wish, they passed out slices of the cake, and they all had a good laugh when Hoss tried to sneak off with the last half of the cake.

Emily was overjoyed with each of her presents, though most were small homemade treats or items, she let everyone know how thankful she was for each of them. Adam was very proud of her and let that pride show through the smile and gleam in his eye while he watched her. Cecily had sewn her a doll out of leftover material, it was flat and didn't have any stuffing but it was special. Jay had carved her name into a block of wood to set on her dresser. After a little while of saying thank you and fawning over her gifts, the kids went out to play while the adults talked. Before long everyone was heading home, when they waved goodbye to everyone but Clint it was now the families turn to give their presents.

Adam grabbed Emmy's hand, told her to close her eyes and he led her into the barn, the whole family behind him. He led her to the very back stall, stood her in front of it, and told her to open her eyes. Emily's face lit up at the sight of Flash standing before in a beautiful new saddle and bridle. "Is he really mine?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yep, all yours." Adam smiled proudly as he lifted her into the saddle.

"It's so beautiful, Daddy. Thank you." She touched the saddle.

"It's from all of us, we all chipped in a little to get you the saddle, bridle, riding pouch and the horse of course." He chuckled.

"But it was Grandpa's horse, why did he have to pay for his own horse?" She asked slightly confused.

"He didn't, he just sold it for cheaper, and he bought you that dress." Adam explained. Emily could have stayed on the horse all night but she swung down so she could give everyone a hug.

"I helped too." Katie put it.

"She did, your sister worked really hard to earn money and have it all ready for you." Adam swelled even more with pride.

"Thank you all, so much. This is the best birthday present ever." She smiled at them and then hugged the neck of her horse.

"Here, this is for you." Clint held out an object covered in brown paper. She took it, thanking him, and then open it. "It's a canteen, it's a good thing to keep filled and with you at all times."

"It's perfect." She said as she traced the cutout letters that spelled her name on the front of it and hugged him also.

"Come on, party isn't over yet." Adam smiled at her bewildered look and swung her back on her horse. They each headed over to their horses, saddled and ready to go, and headed out. Emily followed knowing the route they were taking but wondered what her father, how could this day get any better.

They came around the corner toward the bunkhouses and were met by a loud, "Happy birthday!" from all the ranch hands.

"We thought our star player would like to play a game of baseball." Clint smiled at her.

"Of course," She jumped off her horse. "But what about my dress?" She questioned not wanting to ruin it.

"Check your saddle bags." Joe nodded towards Flash. She pulled out a pair of pants and a checkered yellow shirt, then ran off to change. They had a great game, everyone joined in, the Cartwrights, Clint and a few others against the rest of the ranch hands. Of course, in the end they let Emily's team win, without letting her know that though. It was getting late, and soon they all headed for home. Katie rode with Hoss on the way back and Adam veered off the trail with Emily and headed to the outskirts of town. It was a long ride but Adam had decided it was necessary. They stopped in front of the graveyard.

"I think she would like to be a part of your birthday." Adam said quietly as he slid off his horse and lifted his daughter down.

"She already has been, Daddy. She's been with me the whole day, in my heart. But I'm glad we came here." She took his hand and began to lead him over to the grave site. Adam was a little shocked by the maturity of his nine-year-old, but was happy that she understood her mother would always be a part of her. They knelt beside the grave, Adam had his arm firmly around his little girl as much for her strength as his own. "I miss her a lot." She said simply.

"So do I." Adam admitted feeling as though he could share his feelings with Emily. "Everyday, but you know what? I see her in you and Katie, and it helps me go on." He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"She is a part of you too, Daddy. She is in your heart, just like mine and Katie's because we love her." Emmy hugged him. Adam picked her up and carried her back to the horses but set her on his instead of on Flash. He swung behind her, grabbed his reins and Flash's, then headed towards home. Emily laid back against her father's chest and relaxed.

"Daddy, how many days are in a year?" She asked.

"365." Adam answered.

"Why does it take 365 days to turn a year older?" She asked.

"Emily, 365 days is a year, so to be a year older, it has to take a year." He chuckled.

"But why is 365 days a year, why not 265 then we'd get older faster, or 465 the it would take longer." She mused.

"Nope, you already had your one question for the day. Save that one for next year, maybe by then I'll know the answer." Adam chuckled and Emily joined in, and after a little while she was fast asleep.


	2. Trust me

Adam sat on the front porch watching the world come to life in the early morning. Ben joined him and together father and son sat enjoying the company and quiet. "Have you decided what to do about the cattle drive?" Ben finally broke the silence, having wanted to bring up the conversation for days, but with how busy everything had been, he hadn't gotten the chance, till now.

"I don't know, I can't bring them with but I have no other alternative. The lady I was talking to yesterday, she is an old friend from back East, she just moved here with her daughter. She agreed to watch the girls for me but can't start for another two weeks." Adam shook his head in defeat.

"Why don't you just stay here with them, you can hold the fort down here and we'll take care of the cattle drive." Ben offered.

"You know I can't." Adam looked down at his hands.

"Can't or won't. Your stubborn, Adam. I know you want to do the same things you used to but you can't, life changes." Ben argued.

"Nothing has changed." He said almost inaudibly.

"Everything has changed, you are just trying to go on like normal, but your going to have to adjust to doing things differently." Ben pat his son on the back, knowing the struggles he was facing.

"I've got some work to do, I better wake the girls up." Adam said as he stood to leave.

"We're already up, Daddy, and ready to go." Emily poked her head out the door. "Can I ride Flash today?" She pleaded.

"We'll talk about it, come on help me get the horses ready." Emily joined her father, took his hand, and nearly dragged him out to the barn. Ben watched them go with a chuckle, then shook his head, sometimes there was no getting through to that boy. He went inside and was met by a bubbly six year old, he was sure getting used to the life that these girls had brought back to his home.

"Grandpa, can I go with you today? Please?" She bounced up and down while holding onto both of his hands.

"Fine by me, but make sure it's alright with your father." He chuckled at her excitement.

"K." She nodded and bounded up the stairs to find him.

"Ummm, Kates. He's in the barn with your sister." Ben chuckled.

"Oh." She giggled and ran back down the stairs and out the door. Someday, he was going to have to get onto her for running in the house.

"Daddy, I'll be careful, I promise." Emily begged.

"I'll be good, I promise too." Katie added.

"Alright, that's enough." Adam stopped them with his hand in the air, he had been patiently listening to their reasoning for the past five minutes. "Kates, if you go with your Grandpa, you have to do exactly was he says, stay right beside him and be good."

"I have to do that with you too, Daddy." She said as though it was the easiest thing in the world.

"Exactly." Adam joked, knowing how difficult a task it was for his youngest. "Promise?"

"Promise, thanks. Bye." She hugged him and ran back inside.

"Make sure you change into a dress." He called after her. "Now I'm gonna let you ride Flash today, but if anything goes wrong or you don't do exactly as told than that's it, you won't ride him to work again. Understood?"

"Understood." She said confidently. Adam went inside to check on Katie and make sure Ben was alright with her going to town with him, then headed back to Emily. They both mounted their horses, Emily with a little help from her father, and rode out.

"Mama liked riding, I bet she would of loved Flash too." Emily said as she rode to the side of her father, he was keeping a slower pace today and she knew it was for her sake.

"Yes, she did." Adam stated sadly, it had become much easier for his daughters to talk about Sarah and he encouraged them to, but that didn't change how much it hurt him inside.

"It still hurts inside when I talk about her, I miss her so much." She said her brown eyes a little misty.

"We all do. Do you think we can trot, we might never get there at this pace?" Adam asked changing the subject.

"You know I can, Daddy." Emmy said giving Flash a little squeeze to get him going.

"We are gonna be on our horses most of the day, do you think ya can handle it?" He asked catching up to her.

"Yep." She smiled taking it as a challenge. Adam just nodded with a knowing smile, she could do anything if she was determined to do it, just like Sarah. They rode up on a small hill where the men were driving some of the cattle and stopped to watch for a minute.

"I need you to stay close to me. Be careful and take it slow, Flash has never been around cattle and he could spook, so take it easy." Adam warned, still wondering if he should be doing this.

"Flash never spooks." Emily pointed out.

"Just be ready for it." He cautioned. "Follow my lead and do not try anything on your own. This is not play. Understood?"

"Understood." She said seriously but couldn't keep her excitement hidden. Adam nodded to her and headed off with Emmy close behind, he was more nervous than his daughter and that worried him more. Sometimes Emily could be to brave, putting herself in danger. As they rode up along side the small herd, Flash got notably nervous, but the young horse obeyed the child on his back and Emily handled him just like her mother had taught her. She was a natural when it came to horseback riding, it was a different story when it came to driving cattle. But she didn't need to be, all Adam needed to see was that she could handle her horse around the cattle, and she could. She rode alongside him for quite some time without question, just focusing on the task at hand, then she saw Clint.

"Daddy, can I go say "hi"?" She asked.

"Not today Ems, he is working right now. Come on, I think they can handle this, we've got some other business to tend to." Adam smiled and turned his horse, but when he looked back Emily was still watching Clint. "Emily." He said as a warning. She fought between the desire to ride over and say "hi" to one of her closest friends and obeying her father. Adam could see the struggle going on and added. "Remember what I said about riding Flash." Emily quickly turned her horse around and rode over to her father, seeing her friend once wasn't worth never riding Flash to work again. "Good girl." Adam smiled at her.

* * *

"Grandpa, can we go get some candy? Please?" Katie asked Ben as they left the meeting he had been in for the last hour, luckily Katie had fallen asleep.

"Why not? Come on, you were such a good girl, I think you deserve it." Ben smiled at his gran-daughter.

"Grandpa, what's a cattle drive?" Katie asked as they left the store with a small paper bag of candy.

"Is that all you got out of that meeting?" Ben questioned chuckling to himself, she nodded seriously. "It's where we take a herd of cattle that we want to sell and drive them to the place where they can be sold. That's what your uncles and I are going to be doing next week." Ben explained to the young girl.

"Is Daddy gonna help?" She continued.

"He plans on it." Ben shook his head thinking about how ridiculous that plan was.

"Do we have to go too?" She whined. Ben looked at her a little shocked.

"You don't want to go?" He asked.

"No, I don't want to ride for days and get all dusty and sleep outside and live with stinky cows." She said making a face to which Ben laughed. He tussled her dark wavy hair and lifted her onto the wagon.

"Well, you'll just have to ask your father about that one." He smiled at her, wondering how she could be so different from Emily, but then he thought of his own sons and how different they were.

Late that evening, Adam sat on the porch with a cup of coffee lost in his own thoughts. Little Joe came out of the barn to and joined him, they sat in silence for a long while but this time Adam was the first to speak. "She would have a heart attack if she knew what I was considering." He said quietly. Joe was a little taken aback by his brother, he never spoke about Sarah to anyone but the girls and that was only for there sake.

"But she would understand the necessity of it." Joe reassured. "Adam, I've never known you to be irresponsible or careless. Sarah knew that and she trusted you." They sat in silence for a while longer, Adam pondering what his little brother had said but his own pride and sorrow kept him from saying more. Joe made his was inside and was met by his niece who bounded over to him.

"I have to go to bed." She started. "Did Daddy tell you that we might go on the cattle drive. I rode with the cattle today and he said that I handled Flash good." Emily jumped up and down holding onto her uncles hands as she explained.

"I believe it, haven't seen many girls that could rival you on a horse." Joe said proudly.

"Bed." Came a firm but amused voice from the couch, Emily looked back at her Grandpa and then hugged Joe and ran upstairs.

"Goodnight, Ann." Joe called after her and got a muffled goodnight back from behind the closed door.

"Haven't seen that girl so excited in a long time." Ben commented.

"So what's bothering you?" Joe asked his father, taking a seat on the arm of the couch.

"What makes you think somethings bothering me?" Ben asked.

"I know that tone of voice all to well," Joe chuckled. "your not happy about the girls coming along, are you?"

"It's not that, I guess I'm just worried about the whole thing, its dangerous out there, you never know what could happen." Ben explained.

"Adam knows the dangers, he's been on just as many cattle drives as you have, Pa. Besides, he knows those girls better than anybody, if he thinks they can handle it then they can." Little Joe argued in his brother's defense.

"I'm not questioning him as a father, I am questioning him as a man still trying to cope with the loss of his wife." Ben tried to cover his frustration and worry. "I am not arguing with you about this." He stood and walked towards the door. Joe watched his father walk away and then headed up to his own room, hoping maybe he had helped in some way. Ben stood by the door and looked out at the moon, he could barely see Adam sitting in one of the chairs on the porch. He was about to step out and talk to his son, when he thought better of it. Joe was right this was Adam's choice and he would have to trust that he knew what he was doing.

"Emily is pretty excited." Came a soft voice from the porch. "You shoulda seen her out there Pa, she handled Flash like she was a pro." Ben pushed open the screen door and made his way to sit by his son.

"I believe it." He said with pride. "Katie doesn't want to go." He finished simply.

"Pa, I know you don't like it, but will you support me in my decision?" He asked never looking in his father's direction.

"I trust you, Adam." Was all that Ben said. There wasn't really a need to say anything more, that was all that Adam needed to hear. And so, father and son sat in silence enjoying the warm evening, knowing that soon they would be on the trail again wishing for a quiet moment like this.


	3. The adventure begins

"Daddy, is Clint going too?" Emily asked as she loaded her saddle bag onto Flash, Adam helped her as she fumbled with the ties.

"Yep." He answered moving back to his own horse.

"This is gonna be fun!" She smiled at him.

"I've always enjoyed cattle drives, I think your a lot like me in that area." He stated. "Why don't you go help your sister finish packing."

"Alright." She sighed. Katie was only six but she took forever to choose what she was going to bring. Even though she would ride in the wagon, all of her stuff had to fit into a saddle bag just like everyone else. Emily ran inside, up the stairs, and into their shared bedroom. "Are you almost done?" Emily asked her sister.

"Why do I have to be done now? We don't leave until tomorrow." She whined sifting through her pile of clothes.

"Because we are leaving early and everyone has to be packed and ready to go. Now your bags are full, so come on." She pushed.

"No wait!" Katie yelled as her sister tried to take the bags. "I still have to put these somewhere." She held up her play clothes.

"Katie, what do you have in here? Your supposed to pack those." She dumped the saddle bag upside down and two dresses, a petticoat, shoes, and a doll fell out. "You don't need this stuff, we are gonna be on the trail for two weeks." She grabbed the overalls and button up shirts from her little sister and put them in her bag. Then finished packing her necessities, leaving out everything she had in the bag in the first place. "Now your ready."

"But I have to bring Milly." She grabbed her doll and held it protectively. "And what if we go into town, I'll look like a boy. I need a dress." She whined close to tears.

"Oh stop. You can bring the doll but there is no room for the dresses. Nobody will think your a boy, not with that long curly hair." She tried to comfort, her father had explained that Katie was not looking forward to this like she was, and that they needed to try and help her have a good time. "Come on, Daddy is waiting. He'll be so proud that you packed your own bag." She smiled at her trying to change the subject.

"I didn't pack it you did." She accused as a tear escaped.

"No, I just put it in the bag. You had it all out and ready, just put the wrong stuff in." She wiped away the tear, took the doll from her, and placed it in the bag. She took her sister's hand and they headed out to the barn. "Here you go, Daddy. Katie did a real good job packing."

"Good, did you make sure she had only what she needed." Adam asked as he set the bag in the wagon.

"Yep, I checked it." She smiled glancing between her father and sister. Joe came up behind her and lifted her onto his shoulders. Emily squealed in surprise and then laughed.

"You to need to get to bed, we've got an early start in the morning." Adam half smiled at them.

"But it's still light out." Emily argued. Katie walked over to her father and hugged his leg.

"Yes and we have to get up while it's still dark out." He said in a tone that called for no arguments. Little Joe walked over to Adam and Emily wrapped her around her father's neck, swinging off of her uncle's shoulders.

"Goodnight." Adam blew up his cheek and Emily kissed it, it popped. Then Emily blew up her cheek and he kissed it, also letting a puff of air out. He set her down, lifted Katie in his arms and did the same with her. The girls had said goodnight that way as long as they both could remember and no one knew when or why it had started. He watched them both run into the house to get ready for bed and then turned back to preparing for their coming adventure. Little Joe leaned on the side of the wagon and watched for a minute. "You just gonna stand there or are you gonna make yourself useful." He stated in his normal big brother way. Joe chuckled and went to work beside his brother.

"Is she pretty?" Joe asked as though it was the most appropriate question of the evening.

"What?" Adam asked, he had been working absentmindedly before but now all of his focus was on his little brother.

"Is she pretty?" He asked again but noting the confused look on Adam's face he explained. "Well you sure are distracted by something, I've seen that look on plenty of the hands and their usually thinking about a girl. So is she pretty?" The question came a third time and was starting to get annoying. Adam gave Joe a chilling look that said "You know better than to even think that." and Joe suddenly dropped his head, wishing he had kept his mouth shut.

"Hey, I'm...I'm sorry, big brother. I lost my head for a minute. I'm sorry." He stumbled. Adam sighed, the anger that had built up inside him vanished, knowing his brother hadn't meant anything by his misplaced comment.

"Keep working that harness, it has to be ready tomorrow." He commented and Joe knew that changing the subject was his way of saying all was well.

* * *

Waking up Katie that morning had been a chore, Emily popped out of bed excited and ready to get going but her little sister rolled back over and fell back to sleep. Adam woke her up again, pulled her covers away, and stood her on her feet. "Get you both ready, we'll have breakfast and then leave." He instructed.

"Yes sir." She smiled giving him a salute, he chuckled and then left the young girl to her task. Katie immediately fell back into bed. "Katie get up." Emmy whined at her pulling her out of the bed but she did not quite catch her and she hit the floor with a "thump".

"Owwwwww." She glared at her sister.

"Well, you shoulda got up." Emily smirked and headed over to put her riding clothes on. Katie crossed her arms but remained on the floor. It was Emily's turn to be angry. "You better get up, if you make it so we can't go today, I'm...I'm never speaking to you again." She stared her sister in the eye.

"I don't want to go, I'm never speaking to you again." She yelled back at her.

"It wasn't my idea, it was dad's. You better not try to change his mind." She yelled louder.

"Change who's mind?" Came a voice from the door, both girls froze and turned to face their father. "You think the whole house can't hear you to carrying on?" He asked the rhetorical question. "Now what's going on so early in the morning?" He asked wearily. The girls both tried to explain, and eventually he got the whole story between the two.

"I'm sorry." They both finished with the same apology hoping to keep them out of trouble.

"Listen carefully, I have made up my mind and your both going, that's final." He said firmly looking at both of the girls, he got a smile from Emily and a frown from Katie. "But whether we make the a good trip or a bad trip is up to you too and how well you behave." He looked directly at Katie this time, she looked down at the floor. "Now you both know what is expected of you and that is not different when we are on the trail, understood?"

"Yes sir." Came a cautious reply from his eldest, but Katie stayed silent. Adam turned to Emily.

"Go down and get your breakfast, we'll be there in a bit." She nodded and quickly left not wanting to join in the trouble her sister had found herself in. Adam reached under the little girl's arms, lifted her up and placed her on her bed, then squatted down in front of her. "I know you don't want to go, but we all have to do things from time to time that we don't feel like doing. I expect you to behave and have a good attitude."  
"Emmy, never has to do things she doesn't want to do." She whined not looking at her father.

"She does just like anybody else, now do you want to start out this trip over my knee or do you want to quit whining and do as your told?" He asked.

"I'll be good." She said quietly, deciding if there was no way to get out of it, it was probably best just to give in.

"Good, come on lets go get some food in you." He winked at her and the lifted the young girl into his arms, she giggled and her messy curls bounced around her face. She wrapped her small arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. Other than the fact that they were about to go on a cattle drive with his two young daughters, life felt normal again, it was a good feeling and Adam couldn't hide the smile on his face or in his heart. But just as soon as the joy came, it left with one thought of his dear wife. He saw her smiling face when he looked at the Emily and the pain of loss returned, the pain of each day without her, the pain of never seeing her, holding her again. He tried to shake the melancholy feeling as he sat down at the table but the pained look on his face could not be hid from his youngest brother. Joe knew how difficult it was for Adam to have that constant memory of Sarah with him, but he had been doing so well since he and Emily had talked over at their house. Joe could not understand why that pain had suddenly returned, but it worried him.

The table was quiet that morning, all except for Emily who didn't seem to notice the tension in the room, if she had she was to excited to let it bother her. She talked on and on about the cattle drive asking questions but barely allowing enough for an answer. Adam didn't seem to be in the mood for anything this morning so Hoss and little Joe took Emily out to get the horses ready to go. Ben had already headed out earlier to get everything prepared and by the time the rest of the Cartwright clan got their they were ready to go. As they loaded their supplies into the food wagon, Adam went to talk to the driver.

"Loren." He called as he came up to the front.

"Well, good morning to you, Mr. Adam, sir." The older man grinned at the man that stood before him.

"Good morning, listen Loren this is Katie she'll be riding in the wagon with you." He said simply.

"I know little Katie." He grinned and waved at her then seemed to catch the rest of what Adam had said. "How long are you figurin her riding with me?" He asked thinking there was no way he could mean she was coming on the drive with them.

"For the duration of this cattle drive. It comes down to this, she has to come with and I wouldn't put her on a horse by herself and you know we can't double up riders. So she rides in the wagon with you." He stated it matter-of-factly as though Loren should have figured it out on his own.

"I just have one problem with that...uhh...sir." He stuttered slightly nervous. "I ain't no babysitter, I won't go being held responsible for anything she does or what happens to her, otherwise I'll just find myself another cattle drive to cook for." He nodded keeping his head held high.

"I'm not a baby!" Katie said loud enough for the older man to hear.

"Oh, I didn't mean nothing by that girly, it's just a term. Anyways, no one could mistake a fine young girl like yourself as a baby, you must be about what...say four?" He questioned. Adam could the flustered look on his daughters face and quickly stopped any response with a hand on her shoulder. She glanced at him, and her features softened, then she turned back to Loren.

"I'm six." She said proudly.

"My mistake, I'm sorry about that girly. Your way older than four." He smiled at her and got a half smile in return. Adam leaned down to her and gave her same lecture about behaving before lifting her into the wagon beside Loren. Adam turned back to Emily, slid onto his horse and called her up beside him.

"Let's just hope your sister can keep herself out of trouble." He said glancing back at the wagon to see Katie giggling and Loren laughing and slapping his knee. He glanced back at Emily and the feeling of guilt and loss returned, he dropped his gaze. "Stay by me, unless I say otherwise don't ever leave my side." He said firmly.

"I will, Daddy." She said but noticed that her father seemed upset with her, and the joy she had of getting to come along was quickly snatched away. The drive started and the sound of hundreds of hooves hitting the ground overpowered any other, Emily knew there was know way she would be able to talk to her father, so she obediently rode beside him. Adam routinely rode by the food wagon to make sure Katie was alright and behaving herself and Ben stayed close to it at all times to keep an eye on things. The hours on horseback were starting to get to Emily but she was trying hard not to let it show, thinking that they were still close enough to turn back if there was any problems. Joe was keeping a close eye on his brother and niece, Adam was wrapped up in his work and inward struggle and hadn't noticed the weary traveler next to him. Joe didn't want to interfere but afraid she would fall off her horse if she fell asleep, he headed over to talk to his brother.

"Adam." Joe rode up beside him. Adam glanced at him and nodded for him to speak. "I think it might be a good idea if Ann rides in the wagon for a while, takes a little rest." He nodded towards the girl. Adam glanced at her, for the first time he saw the struggle she was having focusing and staying awake.

"It was an early morning, will you take my place while take care of this?" He asked.

"Of course." Joe smiled at him, but knew his older brother was quite put out by being told what he felt he should have already known. Adam rode back to the wagon with Emmy on his tail, he called for them to stop and then helped her into the back. Loren tossed him a blanket and she laid down in a small empty space in the back. Adam thanked Loren, then rode off back to his assigned task, the wagon had fallen behind some and only caught up when they stopped for lunch. Katie had also fallen asleep but had leaned up against Loren's arm. How she stayed asleep with all that jolting and moving the elderly man didn't know, but she seemed to do just fine.  
"Wake up, girly. We got to get moving, you riding with me then you'll be helping me cook." He said as he shook her awake. "Hurry up, now." He shook her more.

"Your wasting your time, she never wakes up fast." Emily smiled at him from the back of the wagon, she made her way up to the front and leaned on the seat.

"Is that right?" He chuckled.

"Yep, you go ahead, I'll wake her up." She smiled at him. He chuckled and hopped out of the wagon, these young girls were gonna steal this old man's heart, not that he would ever let anyone know that he was already enjoying having them along. Emily managed to get Katie up in time for her to help with the last bit of cooking, mostly she just stirred the soup, but Loren made it seem like a big job.

"Clint!" Emily left her sister and ran over to her friend.

"Hey, how's our little cowgirl doin?" He smiled down at her.

"Hungry." She smiled sheepishly. She was still a little shy around him at first but after a little while she always got comfortable again. "Am I really a cowgirl? She asked hopefully.

"Of course, the one and only on this cattle drive." He nodded.

"Soups up." Katie called but most of the hands didn't hear the little girls voice, Loren hid a chuckle and the called it again a little louder. The men started to gather around.

"Ladies first." Clint motioned to Emily to go get her food.

"I'm not a lady, I'm a cowgirl." She smiled.

"Still cowgirls go before cowboys." He chuckled at her statement. The men held back as Emily got her food.

"Alright, girly, go ahead." He motioned to Katie to get some food, but she shook her head.

"The cooks always eat last." She smiled feeling mature.

"Ha, you got that right." Loren said sarcastically. "But your the cook's helper so you don't have to." He argued.

"Mama said it's only right that the cook waits for everyone else to be fed." She argued back and nodded her head.

"Alright." He sighed. "Go ahead men." He motioned to the group of men who were impatiently waiting for his signal. He glanced down at the little girl beside him, _never argue with a Cartwright it's a waste of time_, he thought. Katie busied herself handing a piece of bread to each of the men after Loren scooped the soup into the bowl, he couldn't help but laugh when the young girl slapped a hand that tried to reach in her bowl and grab bread for himself. Hoss came by and smiled at his niece.

"Is ol' Loren here workin ya to hard?" He asked as she handed him his bread.

"Nope, I like it." She smiled the biggest smile her uncle had seen for a long time. A little bit later Adam came through the line.

"Kates, are you behaving yourself?" He asked glancing up at Loren.

"Mmhhmmm." She nodded.

"Yes, Mr. Adam, she is doing great. But I am going to need a trumpet to wake her up." He said feigning irritation. Adam chuckled knowingly.

"Good, your doing a fine job. Have you eaten yet?" He asked her.

"No, Mr. Loren wouldn't let me until everyone else got served." She whined, but Adam saw the glimmer of humor in her eyes and played along.

"Well now, that's not the least bit fair is it, making a lady wait until last." He reprimanded Loren.

"Wait just a minute, now I told her too but she wanted to wait." Loren argued defensively. Katie giggled and Adam winked at her.

"Gotcha!" She smiled her best smile at him. "I'm the cook's helper, and Mama said it's not right for the cook to eat before anyone else." She explained to her father, who's demeanor notably changed at the mention of his wife.

"That's good, Kates. Why don't you join us when your finished here?" He said and at her nod walked away. Adam sat down by Emily without saying a word and began eating, Hoss joined them sitting down by Clint.

"Mighty good, aint it?" Hoss said in his ever optimistic way. "I think having a lady's touch sure does help the food." He added.

"She just stirred, she slept through most of it." Emily said sounding slightly put out. Hoss was a little shocked by her reaction but didn't say anything about it, sometimes she could be a little grumpy when she woke up. Katie and Loren had joined them a little bit later and they all joked and ate, except for Adam who hadn't said a word. When he was finished he walked away, Emily quickly followed him.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep, Daddy." She apologized when she caught up to him.

"Don't worry about it, we had an early start." He said simply before mounting his horse.

"Where are you going?" She asked him petting the neck of the horse.

"I need to go check on some things before we head out again." He said turning the horse around.

"Can I go with you?" She asked quickly before he left.

"Not this time." He answered as he rode off. She watched him go and then headed back to sit with the others, they all noticed the pout on her face. Adam came back as they started to head out, Emily mounted Flash and followed him. Adam noticed that she was upset with him but he wasn't going to discuss it while they were working. The day went by without incident but the crew was exhausted and sore from their first day on the trail. That evening while most headed off for bed, a few sat beside the fire talking while others stood watch by the cattle. Joe sat by Emily who was staring intently at the fire.

"How was your first day? Everything you expected?" He asked quietly.

"It was fine." She said not turning to him.

"Just fine?" He questioned. "What happened to all that excitement from this morning?"

"I don't think Daddy wants me here." She said quietly her voice cracking slightly.

"Why sure he does, he loves having his girls with him." Joe said surprised by the comment.

"No, he loves having Katie here. I just get in the way." She continued quietly so that no one else would hear.

"Your wrong about that, Ann, and you know it. Now what brought this on?" He questioned.

"He only talked to me when he was telling me to do something and then he had that angry tone in his voice. He wouldn't even look at me." She said growing angry.

"Come here." Joe said as he stood and put his hand out to her. She took it and they walked away from the others to the back of the wagon, where her uncle lifted her onto the tail and stood in front of her. "I know it don't make since to you, but your father is still hurting. He is missin' your Ma a whole lot right now. See Adam had always kinda pulled away from everyone when he was hurting, he never talked about it or let others see it, he just dealt with it and on his own he would come around. Well, it's different this time, he can't pull away cuz he's got to be there for you and Kates. He's just havin' a hard time adjusting is all, ya gotta be patient with him." Joe tried to explain, hoping he hadn't told her more than she should know.

"I think I understand, it's just like he's always mad at me." She sighed.

"I know, give him time, it'll get better." He touched her cheek. "It's getting late, you best get to bed." He lifted her down from the tail of the wagon. "Goodnight."

"Uncle Joe?" She said as she turned back to him.

"Ya?" He answered.

"Why do we say "goodnight" to each other? I mean it's not like we are sayin' I hope you have a goodnight, it's like you're telling me that better have a good night or that it is a good night." She looked at him confused.

"Where do you come up with these things?" He laughed but when she kept looking at them with her questioning gaze, he thought about it for a second. "You know I can't say for sure, why we say it. I guess it could be all three, I mean I want you to have a goodnight, it has been a good night, and you better have a goodnight!" He smiled and walked with her to her bed.

"Man, all that is wrapped up in one word. What if it wasn't a good night?" She asked.

"Enough questions, get some sleep." He said as he pulled the blanket back for her to crawl in next to Katie.

"But uncle Joe, it wasn't a "why" question." She whined and looked at him with her big brown eyes.

"Well, I guess that's when we say "have a goodnight" instead." He smiled giving in.

"It just seems kinda demanding to me." She said thoughtfully.

"Maybe so," He chuckled again. "Well, I hope you have a good night, Ann." He said in an over-dramatic way.

"Maybe that's why." It was now her turn to laugh. "Goodnight, Uncle Joe." He smiled at her and then left her in her bed close to the wagon.


	4. The love of God

It was a warm night, Adam lay on his blanket beside his youngest daughter, he stirred at a faint sound. As he came out of his sleep, he could tell that the sound that woke him was crying. Adam sat up quickly to check on his girls, in the dim moonlight of the early morning he could see that the sound was coming from Emily.

"Ems, are you alright?" He questioned as he moved over to her as quickly as possible afraid that she might be hurt. When she didn't respond, he realized that she was still asleep. "Wake up, it's just a dream." He comforted. She opened her eyes and cried even harder, Adam pulled Emily into his arms and held her close. He rocked her back and forth, humming quietly. "Was it a bad dream?" He asked when her sobs slowed, she nodded against his shirt.

"Can you sing a song?" She asked in a shaky voice and sniffled.

"It's late, Ems." He tried to make an excuse, he had only sung once since Sarah had died and that time had been very difficult for him. It had been so long now since he had sung, with every day it seemed to grow harder for him to bring himself to do, it always brought with it a flood of memories.

"Please." She begged in a squeaky whisper and he heard start to sob again. Adam sighed, he tried to start but a lump rose in this throat, he swallowed and tried again, but his voice failed him.

"Tell me about your dream?" He tried to distract her.

"I saw Mama." The girl sobbed in his arms.

"Shhshh, it's alright. I'm here." He comforted, not knowing how to truly comfort his daughter when his own heart ached for Sarah.

"She left, I called but she left." Emily cried louder at remembering her dream.

"Your mother didn't leave you." Adam said gently.

"She did. Why didn't she get better?" She begged. "Why didn't God save her? I prayed." She said in desperation, her body wracked by sobs. Adam waited for her to calm down before he answered, wanting her to really hear what he had to say.

"Emmy, I asked God the same thing. I blamed him for taking her and I was angry with him. But you know God didn't make Sarah die, sin did." Adam finished lamely, trying to word it in a way his young daughter would understand. She didn't.

"But Mama was good." She argued sniffling.

"Yes, she was." He smiled slightly. "But everyone has sinned, but what I mean is that when Adam and Eve sinned the first sin, it brought death into the world. Everyone will die one day because of their sin, your mother was a wonderful person, the best. But she still sinned, because none are righteous. The Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust, like bad things happen to the good and the bad. Do you understand?" He struggled to explain, with his knowledge it was sometimes hard to bring it down to a nine-year-old's level.

"Kinda, God didn't make her die, he just let it happen because bad things happen even to good people. I don't think God loved Mama very much." She said angrily.

"God loved your Mama more than anyone ever could, just like he loves you and me." Adam explained.

"No, cuz I wouldn't let Mama die." She pushed away from him, angry that he would say God loved her Mama more than she did.

"Listen, Ems," He said gently but held her arm firmly. "You know the story of God sending his only son to die on the cross for our sins. God loved each of us enough to allow his son to come and die for us so that even though we sin, we can still have a home in Heaven with him. If we ask him to come into our heart and believe on him and what he did for us then he saves us. Your mother accepted Jesus into her heart and life, and she is in Heaven today because God loved her." He looked her in the eyes hoping to see a glimpse of understanding. There was none, all he saw was a reflection of himself when he was consumed with anger towards God, just trying to find something to blame. That same anger and bitterness was now reflected on the face his daughter. "We may not always understand why things happen but never doubt God's love." He pulled her into an embrace but it was not returned. He laid her down in her blanket and fell asleep next to her. The next morning when he awoke, Katie was in his arms and Emily was on the far side of her.

The camp was packed up and ready to pull out, but Emily was still fast asleep, Adam knew she was tired because of her restless night and decided she would ride in the wagon until lunch. He laid her in the back of the wagon and they pulled out. About an hour into the ride, Emily finally awoke. "What time is it?" She asked as she made her way to the seat at the front of the wagon.

"'Bout seven." He answered with a smile. She climbed into the vacant seat where her sister usually sat and stretched.

"Where's Katie?" She said while yawning.

"Riding with your Uncle Hoss for a bit. Your dad said that you could ride after we stop for lunch." He focused on guiding the wagon around a rocky area in the dirt. Emily didn't say anymore, she just sat in the wagon with her arms crossed and a tired scowl on her face. "Don't look real happy this morning? Think this is the first time I've seen ya without that beautiful smile on your face." He asked concerned. She shrugged not really wanting to discuss it with him. "Kinda look like my wife when she used to get mad at me." He chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

"She doesn't get mad anymore?" She questioned.

"Na, she died a little over two years ago." He said solemnly.

"Does it still hurt?" She asked wondering how long her pain would last.

"Sometimes, I think it always will. But with the good Lord's help you learn to find joy in the memories that you had." He smiled but his look was far away in another time.

"How does God help you?" She asked.

"Well, I prayed to him and asked him to give me the peace that only he can give. He comforted me in my pain and allowed me to find joy again." He smiled at the memory. "I think to often we think that God only shows us he cares by protecting us from the hard times, but I think the truest and deepest love is when he carries us through that trial." He seemed to lapse into deep thought and Emily didn't bother him. She only partly understood what the old man had meant, but it kind of made since.

Not long after their conversation ended, Hoss rode up with Katie seated on the front of his saddle. Slowing the wagon some, Loren reached out and Hoss passed Katie to him, with a wave goodbye to both of them, he rode off.

"How was it, girly?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Great, but those cows are big and scary." She shook her head at the thought of their thundering hooves.

"Yep, they surely can be, that's why we have to be so careful and why you ride in the wagon." He pointed at her chest and when he eyes followed his hand he brought his finger and gently hit her nose. She laughed and then turned her attention to a very quiet Emily.

"Emmy, do they not scare you?" She queried.

"No." She gave a short, irritated answer and Katie decided not to push her. Around noon, they pulled to a stop and started to prepare lunch, Emily stayed away so she wouldn't have to cook.

"Ems," Adam walked over to her. "Are you still tired?" He asked.

"No." Emily didn't turn towards him when she spoke, but kept her eyes fixed on her hands.

"Good, will you take a walk with me? I think we have some time before lunch." Adam held his hand out to her. She hesitated, then took it, and they headed off together. After a little while, they entered a lightly wooded area, and stopped by a tall oak tree. "See that?" He pointed towards the ground near the large tree.

"No, I don't see anything." She said straining to see anything out of the normal. He motioned her a little closer and squatted down.

"Right there." He pointed again and this time she saw a small gray bird sitting on the ground.

"Where'd it come from?" She asked sadly.

"Up there, there's a nest. She fell out." Adam explained.

"Poor thing, is she gonna be alright?" She asked hopefully.

"Not if she stays down here, there are plenty of dangers that could harm her." Just as he said this, panicked squawking came from above them, a bird a little larger than the one on the ground flew back and forth above their heads. "Come on." He said and quickly backed away.

"Can't we help it?" She pleaded.

"Let's take a walk and when we come back if the mother bird is gone then we can help it." They walked together in silence for a little while and then Adam decided to broach the subject. "Do you think that bird's mother didn't care that her baby fell?"

"No, cuz she was there protecting it." Emily answered knowing that he was leading up to something.

"Right, she was there the whole time watching out for her." Adam had his hand on wrapped around Emily's shoulders as they walked. "Do you think that the mother let her baby fall?"

"No, it just happened." She defended.

"What makes you think that? Why wouldn't the mother let her baby fall?" He asked still leading up to his point.

"Because she loves her, and when you love someone you don't just let bad things happen to them." She said pointedly, looking up at him. He knew she was catching on.

"Yes, but the baby still fell." He continued to which Emily looked down thoughtfully not coming up with a rebuttal, she lapsed into silence.

"Ems, if you fell right now while we are walking together and hurt yourself, am I responsible for letting that happen to you?" He questioned.

"I...I don't know." She stumbled not really wanting to answer him.

"Well, what do you think?" He pushed.

"No?" She answered.

"Even though I wasn't responsible for you getting hurt, I'll be right there to pick you up, comfort you, and carry you. Why?" He gently asked.

"Because you love me." She answered looking around at the forest where they walked, they had turned around a little bit ago and headed back.

"How can I love you when you got hurt even though I was right there with you?" He asked and even though they seemed like they were talking about one thing they both knew the discussion was really about God.

"I don't know, I just know that you love me." She answered starting to get frustrated.

"And how do you know that?" He pushed her a little further.

"Because you show me." She answered simply starting to understand.

"And we know that God loves us because he showed us and continues to show us everyday." He squeezed her shoulder.

"He showed his love by sending Jesus to die on the cross." She confirmed, and at a nod from her father continued. "So even though bad things can happen we know that God loves us because he comforts us." She finished looking at her father to see if she had put it together right.

"Do you understand?" He asked.

"Ya, I think so. Daddy?" She said thoughtfully.

"Ya, Ems." Adam answered.

"You said Mama gave her life to Jesus so now she is in Heaven. I think I need to do that too." She stopped and watched for his reaction. Adam smiled down at her.

"I think that's a fine idea." He stopped and pulled his daughter into his arms.

* * *

"Well, you two sure took your time." Loren scolded as they came into camp to get some food.

"We had to save a bird." Came Emily's short explanation. Loren raised his eyebrows and looked at Adam.

"And take care of some important business." He added to justify their time away.

"Ya, I'm gonna go to Heaven now." Emily smiled shyly.

"Well, ain't that wonderful, and sure worth any amount of time." He smiled and passed them both a bowl of soup.

"Daddy, can we love like God loves?" She asked as they took a seat by themselves, everyone else had finished and gone back to work.

"No, God's love is perfect." Adam said between bites of the delicious soup.

"Our love isn't perfect?" She asked.

"No, because we are human, our love always has conditions." He explained.

"I'm kinda confused." She said shaking her head.

"When I was a little older than you, my father married Joe's mother. I didn't like it at first because I thought it meant he didn't love Inger anymore, and if I loved Mary than I wouldn't love Inger anymore. Pa had me write a paper on what love is, maybe if you wrote that paper then you could better understand it." Adam patted his daughter's knee and waited for an answer.

"How will I know what to write?" She asked thoughtfully.

"Well, you can ask anyone you want, the more people the better. Then write down what you think and I'll read it when we get home." He said rising from his spot next to her.

"Adam! Adam!" Came a frantic yell from somewhere in front of them. Adam stood but it took a second before the rider calling his name came into view. Clint swung off his horse and hurried over to the small group that had gathered. "Katie was stung by a scorpion, Ben is with her." Without a word Adam jumped onto his horse and rode off following Clint, leaving behind a very worried group of people.

**Sorry it took so long to update, things got busy for a while. I know this chapter was mostly dialogue, but Adam and Emily needed to build there relationship since they've been struggling the most with Sarah's death. Please review, let me know how you like it or don't like it. If you have any tips or ideas I am open to most anything.**


	5. A dedicated love

"How is she?" Adam asked solemnly as he touched her fever ridden forehead.

"Had you gotten her here any sooner, I would say she was going to be fine. But the longer the poison stayed in her body, the more difficult it is to tell. I have hope for her but I cannot say for sure." Dr. Patterson shook his head sadly as he left Adam to his little girl. Adam held her hand and spoke encouragingly to her, but no response came. Hours passed and Adam would not leave her side, he was deep in thought, angry at himself for bringing her along when a slight knock brought him back.

"Adam?" Came Ben's voice, at the sight of his disheveled son looking at him, he walked in. "How's our little girl holding up?"

"You were right, I should never have brought them along." He said angrily.

"Stop that. You know as well as I do that this trip has been the perfect thing for both of them. You were right, they needed to be with you." Ben countered, ignoring his earlier question. Adam didn't say anymore. "She will be fine, she is strong." Ben said but Adam had retreated back into the withdrawn man he had always become when tragedy stuck its filthy hand into their lives. "Dr. Patterson said she won't be able to travel for days, I'm afraid if we wait that long the cattle will not sell." Ben said hating to bring business up at a time like this but knowing the necessity of it.

"Go ahead, Emily and I will stay behind with her." He said never looking away from the pale face of his daughter.

"No need for that, Emily will go on with the others. I will stay with you, they are capable of handling her for a few days until we join them." Ben tried to be optimistic.

"Your needed there, we'll be fine. I would feel better if you were keeping an eye on Emily." He said hoping his father would not argue. Though grateful for his father's concern, he wanted to be alone, think things through without interruption or need of an explanation.

"If your sure?" Ben asked understanding Adam's need, he himself had felt it many times when his own sons were hurt and he felt responsible. Adam just gave a simple nod, Ben reached down and squeezed his son's shoulder, then with one last glance at his granddaughter he left.

* * *

"Is Katie alright?" A frantic big sister ran up to her grandfather as he dismounted.

"She'll be fine, but she won't be ready to travel for a few days so we have to go on without them." He said more to the group around him than to the little girl in his arms.

"Can I stay with them?" She asked hopefully.

"Not this time, we need your help here. Especially since we are down two crew members." He smiled at her. Emily was obviously disappointed but also excited about being needed.

"Can I ride with Uncle Joe?" She asked, sliding out of his arms.

"If it's alright with him." He chuckled.

"K, thanks." Was all he heard as she ran off to find her uncle. Hoss gave his father a concerned look.

"Is she really gonna be fine, Pa?" He asked.

"The doctor couldn't be sure. We can only pray." He said patting his middle son on the arm, then walked away to get ready to leave.

* * *

"Uncle Joe?" Emily yelled over the dull roar of thundering hooves as she rode along side her uncle.

"Ya, Ann." He answered, moving closer so they didn't have to yell.

"Have you ever been in love?" She questioned.

"Where did that question come from?" He asked a little taken aback.

"I am trying to find out what love is." She said casually.

"Well, I can't say I'm really an expert on that matter either." He chuckled.

"Come on, Uncle Joe. With all those girls you always have around, haven't you ever loved even one?" Emily asked innocently. Little Joe thought for a moment recalling several times he had thought it, but one time stood out above the others.

"Yes, I guess I have. Her name was Amy Bishop." He said his eyes growing emotional and his voice far away.

"What happened to her?" She pushed.

"She was accidentally killed by another man who wanted to marry her, he was trying to kill me." Came the shortened version of a very difficult story.

"But you loved her, I can tell." She matter-of-factly pointed out.

"Ya." He half smiled.

"So, what is love like?" She continued.

"You don't give up do you?" He smiled at her, she shook her head and waited for an answer. "Alright," he resigned. "the only thing I know about love is, it's a sacrifice. You are willing to put the good of another over your own. But you know what, when you first love someone that seems to come easily, it's the lasting dedication to another that matters. Like Adam with your mother, even though she is gone, he stills shows his love for her." He rambled on in deep thought for awhile but Emily had gotten distracted after his comment about how much her father loved her mother. Feeling a little bit of comfort in the fact that her father was dedicated to those he loved, and he wouldn't let anything happen to Katie if he could help it.

* * *

Adam held Katie's little hand, the doctor had just left saying there was no change, his mind wandered back to holding his wife's hand as she lay there dying, he felt helpless then and he felt helpless now. He squeezed her hand and swallowed the painful lump in his throat, Katie squeezed back. Adam's eyes shot up to her face, her eyes were open with the familiar sparkle they always held. He jumped from his chair and was sitting on the bed next to her in a matter of seconds, she giggled.

"How are you feeling?" He asked checking her forehead and cheek for fever.

"I'm fine, Daddy." She smiled as she sat up but then carefully laid back down feeling weak and drowsy.

"What's wrong." Her father asked.

"I don't feel very good." She said quietly.

"Wait here, I'll go get the doctor." He kissed her forehead and left.

A few days later, Katie was feeling much better, she was able to get up and move around some without being accompanied by the nauseous feeling that had plagued her every move days before. "Daddy, can we go back to the cattle drive now?" She asked early Wednesday morning.

"Are you sure you want to just yet? I thought you didn't even want to go in the first place." He questioned.

"Well, it's not to bad and Loren needs my help." She said, but Adam could see right through her little sham and knew she was enjoying herself.

"So, you've had a good time?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"Ya, I don't like the cows but I've had fun with Loren and you." She giggled, her messy curls bouncing as to add to her excitement.

"If the doctor thinks your ready." Adam said pulling his little girls into his arms and kissing her cheek, just truly thankful that she was fine.

"I think she's ready to conquer the world, Mr. Cartwright." The doctor answered him and laughed as he walked further into the room. "You've got one strong little girl right there. I'll hate to see my favorite patient go but I'd say she is more than ready." He chuckled but the admiration on his face told Adam that he wasn't joking.

"Well then, we best get the cook's help back to her station." He said plopping her back on the bed. "Why don't we get some lunch and then head out, I saw a nice restaurant not to far from here."

"But Daddy, I can't where this to a nice restaurant." She said looking down at her dirt-stained red shirt and worn overalls.

"Your good ol' dad already thought of that." He gave her a cocky smile and then pulled a package out from under her bed.

"Oh, it's beautiful!" She exclaimed, her eyes twinkling as she held the pink dress up to her. "What do you think?"  
"I think I'm going to escort the prettiest girl in town to lunch today." Adam smiled up at her.

"With a dress like that you'll have the whole town jealous." The doctor winked at her and then left the room. A few minutes later, they walked down the street together, Adam in black pants and maroon shirt which was all he had with him, and Katie adorned in her pink dress with ruffled sleeves and white lace at the hem.

"Daddy, you should have gotten some nicer clothes for a restaurant like this." Katie pointed out as they stepped into the fine establishment.

"What? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?" He asked in good humor.

"Never." She smiled up at him as they found their seat. "I think Emmy would like this too."

"I think she would, too. Maybe we can take her here on the way back through." Adam said.

"No, I think you should take her here. I'll stay with Dr. Patterson." She smiled and looked so much like her mother when she did.

"I think that's a good idea, Kates." Adam patted her hand and wondered how his oldest daughter was doing.

* * *

"Emily, it's time to get going." Ben called to his granddaughter. Dinner was over and they needed to cover a few more miles before the end of the day.

"They should be here by now." She answered scanning the horizon for any sign of a rider.

"They'll be here when Katie is ready to travel, come on we've got to get going." Ben put his arm around her and led her back to the horses, they mounted up and got ready to head out. Ben was worried about Emily, she missed her family and the worry was starting to wear her down. Just as he was about to suggest she ride in the wagon today, he saw a rider coming towards them. He didn't say anything not wanting to get her hopes up, soon the rider was in view with a little girl on the front of his saddle it was unmistakably Adam. Letting out a breath he had been holding since he left his son and granddaughter back in town, he slid off his horse and turned to help Emily down. By the time Ben had gotten down, Emily had already seen her father and sister, and nearly fell out of her saddle trying to get down. Adam lowered Katie to the ground first, and she was nearly knocked over by her sister, who threw her arms around her. Adam slid off his horse and pulled both girls into his arms. Soon the rest of the family and some of the crew had gathered around to see Katie and ask Adam how things were. While the adults talked, Katie and Emily slipped away from the group.

"I was really worried about you." Emily said as they walked towards the wagon.

"I'm alright, honest. Dr. Patterson was real nice, he said I was ready to conquer the world." She exclaimed hoping to calm her older sister's fears. They both laughed.

"I bet you are." She smiled and then turned serious. "Don't ever scare me like that again."  
"I won't, I missed you." Katie hugged her big sister.

As the group dispersed back to their jobs, Ben patted his son on the shoulder. "How are you holding up, son? We can camp here for the night if we need to." He said looking into Adam's tired eyes, already knowing he would never have them stop just for him.

"I'm fine, Pa." He said watching his daughters embrace and smiling proudly. "We should get going, we wouldn't want to be late for the auction." He glanced back into the worried eyes of his father and then headed off.

"You really think he's alright, Pa?" Hoss asked knowing his older brother probably hadn't slept much the last few days.

"He's stubborn, Hoss, but he's fine." Ben chuckled. "Come on, we don't want to be late." He said repeating his eldest son's comment.

**Thank you again for your reviews! They always make me want to get the story done faster, I am really excited for this story, the chapters may be a little shorter, like this one because I want them to go with the chapter title but I think it's gonna turn out to be longer than the last one. For those who were wondering the story will have a happier story line from now on as our little family is starting to learn how to rely on each other and God in times of trial.**


	6. A simple love

That night the girls were put to bed in the back of the wagon due to the rain, once they were alone they began to whisper to each other.

"Kates, do you know what love is?" Emily asked feeling a little silly asking her little sister but Adam said the more you ask the better.

"Ya, why?" She questioned as though it was the simplest question ever. Emily peered at her sister through the dark trying to see her face but without success she answered.

"I'm writing a paper about it and I'm supposed to ask everyone, so what do you think?" She whispered.

"It's like when Daddy doesn't go to work so he can spend time with us or take care of us, because he loves us. Or when he has important business but takes us on a picnic cuz it's important to us. Or when Mama would come sleep in bed with me because I had a nightmare, or when you gave her the rest of your cookie even though you really wanted it." She gave her usual black and white answer. At first Emily laughed at her it, because it was so simple, then laid there in silent thought.

"I think there's more to it than that." She finally said.

"Not to me. You think to much." The young girl giggled at her analytical sister.

"How would you even know?" She shot back at her, starting to get irritated.

"Because I have a Daddy and sister that both love me, and Grandpa, Uncle Joe, Uncle Hoss, even Loren all love us both, and Mama loved us too. With so many people who love us, and that we love, I think we know what it is." She answered ignoring her sister's frustration.

"It sounds so simple, kinda makes me feel stupid for asking."Emily said quietly.

"Your not stupid, your one of the smartest people I know. But it is simple, we're family so we love each other." Katie explained sounding a bit older than her six years.

"Go to sleep." Emily said feigning anger for knowing more than she did.

"I've been trying, you were the one who kept me up." Katie playfully shot back.

"I just asked a "simple" question." She joked. "You were the one who wouldn't stop talking!"

"If it was so simple, why did you ask it? You'd have to be schooler to think of the answer I came up with." They both laughed.

"Girls! Go to sleep." Came their father's stern voice, and they had to stifle more giggles.

"Yes, sir." They answered once they controlled their laughter.

"It's scholar, Katie. Not schooler." Emily corrected quietly.

"Right," She giggled. "Go to sleep." Katie mimicked her earlier command.

"Goodnight, I love you in a simple way."Emily giggled as she rolled over to find a comfortable position.

"Night, I simply love you too." She said back, and they burst into another fit of giggles.

"Girls, I'm going to separate you if you don't go to sleep." Adam said popping his head into the back of the wagon.

"Sorry, Daddy. We will." Emmy said trying not to laugh, while Katie buried her face in her blanket giggling.

"Goodnight, love you." Adam said shaking his head at them. The girls both glanced at each other and after a conversation between their eyes, they answered in unison.

"We simply love you too." And they burst into another fit of giggles. Adam just rolled his eyes.

"Get some sleep, girls." He said as he left them to try and stifle their laughter in their pillows.

* * *

The next day, Katie was excited to be back in her spot on the wagon and helping with meals, and Emily was happy to be back at her fathers side. She mimicked his every move and did a good job at it too, but her thoughts remained on her late night conversation. By afternoon they had arrived in Granite Valley, where the auction would take place, Adam left the others to handle this part of the task and took his daughters to explore.

"Daddy, aren't you needed at the auction?" Emily asked her mind still considering her little sister's words.

"They'll do fine without me, besides I'd much rather spend my time escorting two beautiful girls around this fine little town." He bent down to their level so he could see them eye to eye.

"Because you love us, right?" Katie said noticing an irritated look from her sister.

"Of course," Adam said not noticing the exchange. "Now what would you both like to do?"

"Swimming!" Katie bounced excitedly. Adam rolled his eyes, she would think about swimming while they were in the middle of town, nowhere near a pond.

"No." He answered with a smile and turned to Emily who was distracted by a flyer. "Ems, what do you think?" He asked. She turned back to him but looked down at the ground.

"Whatever you want to do." She said quietly. Adam glanced over to the ad that had caught her attention, it was a dance, scheduled for seven that night. He nervously glanced away just as Emily had, the thought of going crossed his mind but it was to soon.

"Can we go in there!" Katie not noticing the change of mood was still cheerfully searching for an idea. Now she pointed at a store full of candy.

"That sounds like a good idea." Adam said taking both their hands and crossing the street to the candy store. He watched Katie full of excitement bound from one candy to the next, while just the opposite Emily walked through uninterested. He wondered if her mood was due to the fact that she wanted to go but wouldn't ask or if the flyer had brought back the same memories that it had for him. After a few hours of exploring, and munching on their candy from the store, they headed back to find the others. By now they had sold the cattle to the auctioneer and were paying the last of the hands.

"Well, you got back just in time." Ben smiled at them, first he handed Adam his share of the profits, then to their surprise he handed a couple dollars to both of the girls. "For your hard work, spend it wisely." He smiled.

"Thank you!" Came Katie's bubbly reply.

"Thank you, Grandpa." Emily half smiled at him. As the girls walked away, Ben turned a questioning gaze towards his son.

"There's a dance in town tonight, she's been that way ever since she saw it. I don't know if she wants to go or if she is just remembering the dances we had with Sarah." He said quietly watching his girls.

"Did you ask her?" Ben asked.

"No." Adam answered.

"Why don't we all go? Either way I think it would be good for you and the girls, it's been to long since they've been in such a carefree environment." Ben said slapping Adam on the back and leaving no room for argument. After working out a few details with his father, Adam left to find the girls and share the news with them, though somewhat nervous of their reaction.

"Katie, Emily, come here." He said gently as he walked towards them. They obeyed. "There's a dance in town tonight and," He hesitated. "well, we are going to go to it." He finished and waited.

"Really! Can I wear my new dress?" Katie exclaimed and Adam nodded still watching Emily, a smile crept onto her face.

"I don't have anything to wear." She finally said, Adam smiled in relief.

"Well, you and I are going to find you a dress, and then Grandpa and Katie will meet us at the dance when we are finished." He replied.

"Well, where would you like to look?" Adam asked as he and Emily walked up to a strip of stores. It took a while digging through fancy dresses to find one that she liked, it was simple but that was how she liked it. The dress was a dark maroon that matched her father's shirt, it had lightly puffed short sleeves, and it gathered at the waistline. Their was a white lace design at the waist, neckline, and hem of the dress, it was sprinkled lightly with a white flower design and though it wasn't fancy it was very pretty.

"What do you think?" She twirled for him to get a good look.

"I think it's beautiful, I like your choice of color." He chuckled and she blushed slightly. As they walked towards the dance, Emily thought again about a simple kind of love. Maybe Katie had been right, a little gesture or meaningful look, a squeeze of a hand or nod of the head could all show love to the receiver of the attention. Even simply taking her out to by a dress, a kind word, or going to a much desired dance. She thought of all the simple ways her family had shown their love for her that very day, and at that moment love was simple.

"May I have this dance?" Adam asked after they stood watching the others for a moment.

"Where's Katie?" She asked not wanting to leave her sister out.

"Don't worry, she is dancing with Hoss." He nodded to his brother who was dancing with some difficulty with Katie on his feet. Emily smiled up at her father and nodded. After taking turns with each of her uncles, her grandfather, and Katie, they decided to take a break and gathered around the punch bowl. Ben noted that Adam didn't dance with anyone but the girls, not that he had expected him too, and Joe danced with any pretty girl that would have him, Hoss alternated between his nieces, another pretty brunette, and the food table. Ben just enjoyed watching his family.

The little thrown together group of instrumentalists introduced the last song of the evening, Emily and Katie both hurried to find their father and drug him back onto the dance floor. The three of them held hands and danced to the tune. Adam's thoughts wandered to the last dance they had attended and how much their lives had changed since then, he swallowed back his emotions and disciplined himself to focus on what he still had, two beautiful little girls. At the last verse, Adam reached down and scooped them both up into his arms, they each wrapped an arm around him, grabbing a hold of each other's hands behind him and rested their heads on his shoulder. The precious scene was noticed by most in the room, but to those who knew the struggles the small family had gone through to get to this point, it brought tears to their eyes and their hearts warmed.

That night in bed Emily whispered to Katie again. "I think you might be kinda right about love being simple." She whispered.

"I am." The girl smiled mischievously but her voice was tired.

"I said kinda." Emily yawned.

"Why?" Katie rubbed her eyes.

"Well, I thought you were right until I saw tears in Daddy's eyes during the last dance. I thought going to the dance was simple but for Daddy I think it was hard, with remembering Mama and all." She answered.

"I guess your right." Katie said trying to appease her sister so that she could go to sleep.

"Only partly," She continued to Katie's dismay. "The things we consider little, like a hug or a smile are simple ways to show our love, but I think that love is a lot deeper comes from something that is not simple, something that over time has grown. And we show it in certain simple ways because we've taken time to get to know how to show that person our love." She finished looking at her sister and waiting for her response.

"Where do you get this stuff?" Katie asked sleepily.

"Well, I talked to Daddy a little today, but most of it I came up with." She smiled.

"Mhmm." Was all the tired little girl could reply. Emily giggled at her little sister and then said. "Goodnight, sis, I love you in a simple way."

"I simply love you too." Came her almost inaudible reply and with one last giggle Emily let herself fall asleep.


	7. Returning home

"Dr. Patterson, Dr. Patterson." Katie called as they walked into the office. On their way home, Katie had begged to stop and see the doctor who had been so kind to her, and she reminded her father of a certain restaurant he was supposed to take her sister to.

"Well, Hello again. What a pleasant surprise!" He smiled and Katie ran into his open arms.

"Dr. Patterson this is my big sister, Emily." She pointed at the auburn hair young girl standing next to Adam.

"There's no doubt your sisters, you look so much alike, and like your father." He smiled down at her and tussled her hair. "So what brings you back, nothings wrong, I hope."

"Nope, not this time. I'm all better, Uncle Hoss hurt his big toe but he said it would be fine." She nodded, her hair bouncing to the rhythm.

"Well, I sure hope it will get better soon." The doctor chuckled.

"Uhhh, Dr. Patterson, I was actually wondering if Katie could stay with you for a little while. I'm taking Emily out to eat and Katie begged me to stay with you, if your not to busy." Adam asked feeling uncomfortable about asking someone he barely knew to watch his daughter.

"Please? Please? Please? I'll be good." She begged.

"Well, why not? I can show ya how things work around here." He patted her shoulder. "That shouldn't be a problem."

"Thank you, we won't be too long." Adam smiled at the doctor and then gave his daughter a look that said she had better behave and left.

* * *

"Did Katie really want you to take me here, or did she just want to see Dr. Patterson?" Emily asked curiously.

"She wanted me to take you here before she realized that would mean she could see the doctor again. She sure did take a liking to him, didn't she?" Adam chuckled.

"Mhhmm." She nodded thoughtfully.

"What?" Her father asked noticing the look she had given him.

"I like seeing you laugh again. You laughed a lot more on this trip than you do at home." She half smiled and turned her attention back to her food.

"I'm sorry, Ems, I'm trying." Was all he said pushing his food around on his plate.

"It's ok, Daddy, I know it's hard to laugh sometimes." She said quickly not wanting him to think she was upset. He nodded and then sat quietly and thoughtfully for a long time, Emily didn't interrupt.

"What...What would you think about moving back home, to our house?" He asked somewhat nervously, Emily grew quiet and took a deep breath before she spoke.

"Are you ready for that?" She asked with little emotion.

"I am, if you are." He stated and she knew he was serious. Emily pushed back her chair and went around the table to his side, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"I am ready." She smiled.

"Guess you've been ready, haven't you?" He asked as she took her seat. She nodded shyly. Adam watched her as she began to eat again, she seemed like she had grown up so much in the last couple of months. She was no longer that care-free, curious child, but a responsible, thoughtful young girl. She was changing so much everyday and he knew before long, she would be a young woman but for now, she was still his little girl and in his heart she always would be.

* * *

"Dr. Patterson, do you save people who are dying?" Katie asked.

"You can call me Dr. Pat, and yes, sometimes I do." He answered.

"I bet you coulda saved my Mama." She said in all confidence. "You saved me."

"Katie, your father told me about what happened to your mother, and I don't believe there was anything any doctor could have done for her. But it doesn't take a great doctor to take care of a little girl who got herself stung by a scorpion." He chuckled trying to lighten up the mood.

"I think your a great doctor." She slid off his operating table that he had set her on to test her reflexes and found a photograph of his graduating class. "Why aren't there any girls?" She asked.

"Because it was medical school and girls don't become doctors, so they don't go to medical school." He explained.

"Why don't girls be doctors?" She asked.

"Well, because girls become nurses." He tried to explain.

"Nurses is different than doctors?" She tried to understand.

"Yes," He chuckled. "It's different, but not less important. We need nurses just as much as we need doctors."

"Could I be a nurse?" She continued.

"Well, yes, if that's what you wanted to be." He smiled.

"I want to help people like you do, but not doctor cuz girls don't doctor they nurse." She said trying to sound smart. He just laughed. The front door opened and Adam and Emily walked in. "Daddy, I'm gonna be a nurse!" She ran over and gave him a big hug.

"I leave her with you for an hour and she has already decided her life profession." Adam smiled. "Would you like to take this one next." He motioned to Emily and chuckled.

"She's a good little girl you got there, Adam. She could be a very good nurse someday, if that's what she wants." He smiled.

"Well, she's still has quite a few years to decide that." Adam said not liking the thought of his baby girl growing up.

"Emily, come sit here." Katie dragged her sister over to the operating table and patted it for her to sit. Emily looked over at the doctor for permission and when she got a nod, she pulled herself onto the table. Katie grabbed the little rubber hammer looking object and gently whacked her sister's knee with it, the first time didn't work but the second sent her leg kicking. she laughed and her little sister whacked her a few more times before they traded and she taught Emily how to do it.

"Alright, girls, we had better head back to camp before it's dark." Adam called after a little time had passed. The girls reluctantly laid aside the stethoscope they had been playing with, said their goodbyes, and headed back to camp.

* * *

"Emmy, are you excited to go home?" Katie asked her big sister later that evening.

"I'm excited to sleep in a real bed again, but I think I'm gonna miss it out here. Why?" Emily responded.

"I'm gonna miss it too, but I can't wait to be home again." She smiled. The next few days passed quickly, and soon but not soon enough for the weary group, they were home. The sight of the Ponderosa and the families' house never looked so good to the two little girls who had never experienced life on the trail before. Though they had done surprisingly well with all the struggles of a cattle drive, it was good to be home where they could just be kids again.

"Emily, you're supposed to be in bed." Adam said as he saw his daughter coming down the stairs.

"I know, I just had to ask you something, real quick." She answered coming over to the side of his chair. He took her arm and led her to the front of his chair where he could lift her onto his lap.

"What is your bed to soft?" He joked.

"No, it's fine." She giggled.

"Alright, what is it?" He said more seriously.

"Well, you said I had till the end of the cattle drive to finish my paper, the one on love. Well, I'm not ready to finish it yet. Can I have a little more time?" She asked her eyes big and sweet looking into his.

"Of course, just make sure it's finished before school starts." He smiled knowing it probably would take her that long to be satisfied with her answer.

"I will. Daddy?" She asked.

"Yes." He sighed wondering how long she was going to put off going to bed.

"Why do we dream? If we are asleep shouldn't we just be asleep and not thinking about anything?" She asked leaning her head against his chest.

"Well, for some reason your brain keeps working after you've gone to sleep, and what it keeps thinking about becomes part of your dream. Are you still having bad dreams?" He asked and had to suppress a chuckle that wanted to follow the pathetic explanation of dreaming.

"Sometimes." She nodded against him.

"Anytime you have bad dream, you can come crawl in bed with me." Adam soothed and lifted himself into a standing position, pulling Emily farther up to rest her head on his shoulder.

"I wish my brain would go to sleep too." She said sleepily.

"We all wish that about your brain sometimes." Adam teased as he walked into the girls' shared room.

"Daddy!" She whined.

"Ssshhh, don't wake your sister up. Maybe if you didn't think so hard, it would have time to wind down before you went to sleep." He smiled as he laid her in bed and pulled the covers back over her.

"Have a good night, I love you, Daddy." she whispered sleepily.

"I love you too, goodnight sweetheart." Adam kissed her blown up cheek and she let it pop, then she reached up and kissed his blown up cheek but it didn't pop.

"Daddy, stop teasing." She feigned anger and kissed it again, this time he let out a little puff of air and she smiled at him, happy that he was teasing again. Adam left the room and headed back to his seat in front of the fireplace, which wasn't lit because the summer nights were still very warm. He picked up his book and began to read, but his thoughts soon drifted to other things. The past, his life with Sarah, the present, his life with only the girls and his family, and the future, what would be and could be, he fell into a restless sleep.

A little while after he had fallen asleep, Ben had come into the room and decided to wake him up so he could sleep in his own bed tonight instead of on a hard chair. "Adam, Adam." He softly tapped his son's shoulder.

"Mmmmm, Pa, it's to early." He pushed at it his hand. Ben chuckling remembering the young dark haired boy that hated getting up early but as he had grown into a young man, he had starting getting up before most of the house. After a couple more soft shakes from his father, Adam roused.

"I think you should get some sleep." Ben chuckled at his son.

"I was actually already enjoying it, if I remember right, you woke me up." He smiled wearily at his father.

"Well, I just thought you might want to take advantage of that bed that you've been missing for two weeks." Ben shrugged and they both chuckled.

"Pa, sit down. I need to talk with you." Adam said more seriously.

"Alright, go ahead." Ben said nervously as he sat down.

"The girls and I decided it's time to move back to our place." He said simply.

"Oh, I see. Well, if you think that's for the best." Ben replied but his tone gave away his disappointment.

"You don't sound to happy about that." Adam pointed out.

"It's just, I was getting used to have you and the girls around all the time. It's been a while since we've had little feet running around the house." Ben chuckled thinking about the numerous times he had warned them about running down the stairs.

"I know, and they've enjoyed being here but I think it's time to get back to a more normal life and start adjusting to life without her." He quieted as his thoughts ran to their house and how empty it would be without Sarah's warm smile and contagious laugh.

"Well, if things don't work out, you're always welcome back here." Ben submitted.

"Thank you, I think Joe will be happy to know that he gets his room back." Adam chuckled.

"Maybe, but you know he hasn't minded. He's gonna be just as disappointed that your leaving as any of us. When will you go?" Ben asked.

"Tomorrow, we'll head back over tomorrow. I'll take some of ledgers with so I can get them caught up. Oh, and I'm having Margaret and her daughter over for dinner so the girls can meet them. I'd appreciate it if you all could join us." Adam said somewhat uncomfortably.

"We'd love to join you, are you planning on telling the girls before they meet your friend." Ben asked.

"No, I know them well enough, to know that they will decide before they even meet her that they don't like her or Cassandra, her daughter, and they won't even give them a chance, if they know." Adam explained his reasoning.

"But what if they get the wrong idea?" Ben asked the very question that Adam had been trying to straighten out in his head.

"I'm working on that." He pinched the bridge of his nose and Ben knew he'd been worrying about that very thing.

"Well, sleep on it. Maybe something will come to you." Ben said as he stood.

"Thanks." Adam nodded and both of the men headed up the stairs to a the much desired soft beds that were awaiting them.

* * *

The next day while Ben and Hoss went back to their normal work, Adam and the girls gathered their belongings to head home, Joe had volunteered to help and though it seemed unnecessary Adam agreed, thankful for the support. Once packed, and leaving with more than they had come with, the small family headed out. Adam driving the team with Katie cuddled up next to him, Emily riding her horse next to her uncle on Cochise. Joe noticed the sudden tenseness in the air as they rode up to the house and wondered if this was the best idea.

After months of not stepping foot around his house, the pain that had lessened suddenly resurfaced, he tried to hide it but they could all see the change in his eyes. Emily felt the same pain of the one person who wasn't with them that day and never would be again, but despite that she was happy to be home. Katie was just happy to be back and her excitement could not be hid, as she bounded over to her tree swing and begged her uncle to push her. Joe decided he could be of more use right now entertaining Katie than helping unpack and headed over to his niece. Leaving father and daughter standing in front of their little home.

"Daddy, I'm ready. Are you?" She asked softly as she took his big hand in hers. He smiled down at her and squeezed her hand.

"I'm ready." He answered and they walked into the house. Everything was just the way they had left it on the day that they had moved in with Adam's family. Emily left her father's side and went into his room, he followed her. She sat on the bed feeling the comforter that her mother had picked out and she smiled up at him.

"It doesn't hurt so bad anymore, I can think about her and be happy." She said patting the bed next to her. Adam sat down and wondered if his daughter was stronger than himself, because the pain was back in full force.

"Why don't we put your stuff back in your room?" Adam asked wanting to get out of there.

"Ok," She hopped off the bed grabbed his hand and they headed back outside. Adam cleared his throat and called to Katie.

"Kates, come help unpack." She jumped off the swing and ran over to them followed by Uncle Joe.

"I'll take care of the horses, Adam." Joe said wanting his brother to be able to give his full attention to the girls. Adam gave him a half smile and patted his shoulder, the little gesture held a lot more meaning between the two brothers than any onlooker could ever know, but Joe understood. After helping the girls, Adam left them in their rooms and headed downstairs where he met Joe.

"Would you like some coffee?" Adam asked.

"No, I think I should be going, are you gonna be alright?" Little Joe asked knowing his brother all to well.

"We'll be fine, the girls are already adjusting fine." He said while trying to find something else to occupy his eyes so he didn't have to look at his brother.

"I meant you, Adam." Joe took a step closer, trying to see any emotion in his brother's eyes.

"Pa, will be needing you. I'll see you tonight, right?" Adam said in his harsh tone that he used when he didn't want to answer, but instead changed the subject.

"Ya, we'll be here." He answered quietly and left.

"Where did Uncle Joe go?" Emily asked as they came down the stairs.

"He had to get to work, he'll be back tonight for dinner." Adam explained and then decided it was time to discuss dinner. "Come here, we need to talk." He said and watched both girls nervously take a seat on their couch. Neither said a word, and looked as though they were waiting for a punishment. "We are having a guest over for dinner tonight, and I need you both to behave." The girls visibly relaxed.

"Who?" Katie asked.

"A friend from when I was in college back East, her and her daughter will both be coming." He finished quickly, almost hoping the would miss the little fact that it was a lady, from the look on Emily's face she hadn't.

"Her?" She asked trying to control the immediate anger that had sent her blood boiling.

"Yes, I met Margaret while I was in the East, she was the wife of my close friend, she moved here with her daughter, Cassandra, recently. It's only polite to have them over for dinner." He tried to explain away any suspicion.

"Where's her husband?" Emily asked with an attitude already guessing the answer.

"He died about a year ago, she moved to get away from it all." He said quietly, he had been hoping to avoid that question but he should have known with Emily he would have to explain everything. "Your grandpa and uncles are all coming to." He said trying to show them there was nothing between him and this woman. "I need you both to behave yourselves, and watch the attitude." He directed the latter part towards Emily who was already fuming. He decided it would be better to just tell them. "I can't keep taking you both to work everyday, it's summer and I would like you to get to just be regular children the rest of the summer. Maggie has agreed to watch you both." He finished lamely as he watched Emily clench her teeth together and tears spring to her eyes. When she couldn't stop them from spilling down her cheeks, she ran out of the house. Adam turned back to Katie.

"I liked going to work with you." She said sadly.

"Maybe every once in a while, you still can, on easier days. But won't it be nice to get to stay home and play." Adam scooped his little girl up and looked her in the eyes.

"Ya, I guess." She agreed but he could still see the disappointment.

"I need to talk to your sister, will you be okay in here?" He asked.

"Ya." She nodded and he set her down. Adam headed outside and found Emily standing on the fence at the horse corral. She quickly wiped away her tears when she heard him walking up.

"I'm sorry, Ems, I know you've enjoyed working with us, but this is just the way it has to be." Adam explained gently leaning against the fence next to her. She looked away and couldn't say anything afraid her emotions would get the better of her. "I just don't want you to grow up to fast, it's summer break when a child is supposed to have a break from working and just have fun, you can do that if she takes care of you during the day." He finished lamely, still not convinced himself that this was the best idea. Emily hopped off the fence and began to stomp away. "Emily." He called after her, she stopped and turned back to him.

"Your supposed to take care of us, your our father remember." She shot at him and then ran into the barn, letting the door slam behind her. He decided to let her cool off and headed back into the house to check on Katie. This was going to be a long evening.


	8. Maggie and Cassie

-Sorry for how long it took to post these two chapters, I haven't had internet for about a week. Also a little warning, there is mention of and implied spanking in this chapter. Adam spanked a young lady in the show when she needed it and I believe he would have lovingly done the same with his children.

* * *

"Kates, will you go tell your sister it's time to get washed up for dinner?" Adam asked Katie while worked at keeping the beans from burning. Katie hopped down from her chair where she had been trying to help prepare dinner, and ran out to the barn. She returned a few minutes later.

"Daddy, she's not there." She said sounding confused.

"Did you check the outhouse?" Adam asked. Katie nodded. "Here stir this." Adam said carefully placing Katie on a chair in front of the stove and hurried out of the room. "Emily." He called but no answer came. He rechecked the barn calling her name and the woodshed and outhouse but didn't see her or get an answer. Adam hurried back inside the house trying to decide what to do, the food was cooking and he couldn't just leave it but it wouldn't be done in time if he stopped it now. Before he had made a decision he heard horses ride up, he met his father and brothers in the front yard and quickly explained that he couldn't find Emily.

"I'll stay here with Katie." Hoss volunteered.

"Just don't go eating all the food." Joe joked as he hopped back on his horse. They rode off without another word, each heading to a different spot they thought she might be. Ben rode down to the river, he slowed when he saw a small figure sitting by the water throwing rocks. He quietly slid off his horse and walked down the river bank, he knew she heard him but she didn't turn to him.

"You've got your father worried sick about you." Her grandfather chided. She finally looked at him.

"If he was really worried, he wouldn't leave us with a stranger." She said angrily.

"Ahhh, stop that. You know better than to even think such a thing. Your father has his reasons for what he has to do, and you just need to trust that he knows what is best. Besides, why do you think he's having her over for dinner? So that you can meet her and she isn't a stranger to your father." Ben lectured. Emily didn't respond or make a move from her spot on the bank. "Come on, I'd better get you home." He said resigned to her stubborn behavior, but when she still didn't move he commanded. "Now, Emily." She jumped a little at the sternness in his voice but finally stood and walked over to him. When she got close enough to him, Ben grabbed her arm, spun her around, and landed two well placed swats on her backside. "You listen to me when I tell you to do something." He said as he lifted her onto his horse, before he climbed up, he to his gun and shot into the air twice so the others would know she had been found and then took her home.

Joe was riding up just as they were, and Adam came out of the barn. He walked over to his daughter, both father and son could see how upset Adam was and decided to take care of their horses elsewhere. Adam bent over to Emily's level and lifted her chin so she would look at him. "I am to upset to deal with you now, go to your room, get changed and cleaned up before the company gets here. You had better watch your behavior tonight, your in hot water as it is, young lady. Now go on." She didn't wait for him to even finish the last statement but ran into the house. Ben came up behind his son and patted him on the back.

"It'll work out, just let her calm down." He encouraged his son.

"Your lucky, Pa. Boys are so much easier." Adam ran his hand down his face and managed to smile at his father.

"Ha, easier? Don't tell me your daughters have stolen Mrs. Harper's wig and put it down the hole in the outhouse, or ate the front off a wedding cake before the wedding started, or pour wine into the minister's punch, OR run off to Carson city because they let their father's prize horse out on accident and didn't want to get in trouble?" Ben chuckled remembering all the numerable times his sons had made his life very interesting. Adam also remembered these stunts him and his brothers pulled, and was slightly embarrassed that the first and last one he had mentioned had been done by himself.

"Well, maybe not easier in that way. Just easier in the fact that you were raising boys and you are one so you could understand us, I don't understand those girls over half of the time." He said trying not to let his frustration show.

"I never did understand you, son." He chuckled remembering how puzzling Adam could be. "And Emily is just like you, think about how you would have felt in her position." With those words the sound of a wagon pulling up ended the conversation, Adam watched as the hired buggy pulled up in front of him. A young lady a little younger than Adam with dark brown curls stepped out, he reached up and took her hand, helping her out of the buggy he then turned to her daughter. Cassandra had matching dark hair, though a little less curled, and matched her mother in their elegant attire. The little girl immediate made known her distaste of a ranch house by crinkling her nose, Maggie gave her a stern look.

"Cassie this is, Adam Cartwright, he is a friend of your father's from college." Adam noticed the way her voice faltered when she spoke of Will and understood her pain.

"It's nice to finally meet you." Adam smiled at her and she gave him a curt nod. Katie came running out of the house and pulled up beside her father, she suddenly felt very uncomfortable in her Sunday dress. She also recognized the girl as the one they had met in the store a few weeks back, and had said mean things about her and her sister. "This is my youngest daughter, Katie. Katie, this is Cassandra and her mother, Margaret McCoy. Why don't we go inside?" And with that they headed in to the little house, making necessary introductions as they went. "Katie, go get your sister. Dinner will be ready in a moment, if you'll excuse me I must see to the preparations." Adam excused himself, leaving his father and brothers to entertain.

"Mother, don't they have servants to cook for them?" Cassie asked in a disapproving tone.

"No, this isn't the city, now mind your manners." Margaret reprimanded. Emily followed her sister down the stairs, and eyed the two overly dressed guests. She stood by her Grandfather and hoped that the young girl didn't recognize them. Cassie seemed to watch the other girls with some interest though she wouldn't let anyone else know that, Emily noticed.

"Girls, come help set the table." Adam called as he came out the kitchen door with a pot.

"Come on, boys, lets help." Ben chuckled and soon the room held only the two guests.

"Can I help, Mother?" Cassie asked.

"No, we are guests here, and we will be proper and act accordingly." Maggie disapproved. Soon the table was set and everyone gathered around.

"Let's pray." Adam said and bowed his head, Cassie watched as her mother did the same but she didn't follow suit, not wanting to be embarrassed if she didn't lift her head at the right time. Dinner consisted of casual talk of where they were from and what a beautiful city Boston was. The three girls stayed quiet, glancing at each other out of pure curiosity. When everything was cleaned up, they went back to the couches in front of the fireplace. "Emily, Katie why don't you take Cassie outside and show her the horses." Adam encouraged, not quite getting the reaction he had hoped for. "Go on." He pushed more sternly this time.

"Come on, Cassie." Katie said when the girl didn't make a move to follow, she glance back at her mother and with a nod, followed the others. Once outside away from the adults, Cassie began to relax as did the other girls. Emily walked over to the corral and climbed onto the fence, followed by Katie, Cassie stood back unsure of what she should do.

"What have you never climbed a fence before?" Emily said noticing her hesitancy.

"I have too." She defended. "But I don't want to rip my dress. Won't you get in trouble?"

"Only if I ripped it." Emily rolled her eyes and swung over the other side. Katie sat at the top not sure of what to do. "Are you coming or not?"

"Isn't there another way around?" She asked getting more nervous. "I can't go over that in this." She gestured at her dress.

"You could if you were wearing a potato sack." Emily shot back at her, at first Cassie just stood there confused, but then she remembered the incident in the store.

"Oh," She paused uncomfortably. "I'll tell my mother you were mean to me if you don't come back over here." Emily normally would have let her, but remembering her father's warning she decided to play it safe.

"Your such a baby," Emily climbed back over the fence with Katie. "We showed you the horses, let's go inside." She walked past her angrily. Cassie wished she could take back what she had just said but the damage had already been done. The three of them headed inside.

"What did you think?" Maggie asked her daughter.

"They were beautiful." Cassie said quietly, Emily and Katie both looked at her a little surprised that she hadn't made a fuss. The rest of the evening went by to slowly for the young girls, while Adam and Maggie discussed the following day. They finally said goodbye to the guests and their family just before bedtime. Back in the living room, Adam decided to have a talk with his girls.

"So what do you think?" He started out, hoping their opinions had changed some since meeting them.

"Cassie isn't very nice." Katie accused.

"Well, from the way you two acted tonight, I'm guessing she could say the same thing about you." Adam said disapprovingly, both girls dropped their eyes to the floor.

"Mrs. McCoy seemed nice." She tried to amend.

"Yes, she does, and if you gave her daughter half a chance you might find that she is nice as well." He continued, glancing at Emily who had yet to state her opinion. "Alright, Katie, you can go to bed." Katie said goodnight and went up the stairs to her room. "Well, you've been waiting to have your say all night. Let's hear it."

"I don't like it!" Was all she said, still not looking at him.

"I know you want to come to work with me but it just isn't gonna work anymore. Whether you like it or not, you are to behave for Mrs. McCoy." Adam rebuked.

"Fine." Emily mumbled.

"I have had enough of your attitude today. Now you were disrespectful, you ran off without telling me where you were going, and you were rude tonight. What do you think I should do about that?" Adam asked the rhetorical question. Emily was silent knowing it was better not to answer than to give a sarcastic answer. "Alright, go wait for me in the barn."

* * *

Emily sobbed as her father held her in his arms and carried her back into the house and up to her room. He sat her on her bed and lit the lamp, he stood and waited for her to calm down. When her sobs turned into sniffles, Adam squatted down in front of her so he was looking up into her face. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly.

"No." She managed to choke out and more tears fell down her face.

"How you acted today was wrong and I won't stand for it." He said cupping her face with his hand and wiping away her tears. "I don't want you acting like Cassie." Adam chuckled knowing he probably shouldn't have said that. Emily couldn't help but giggle, glad that her father had noticed as well.

"She wasn't very nice to us." She confirmed.

"Try being nice to her, you might find she is not who you think she is." Adam smiled and kissed her forehead as he stood to leave. "Emily, I mean it though. I don't want another repeat of today. I want you to behave like the young lady I know is in there somewhere." He said and turned to leave.

"Daddy," Her voice stopped him, he turned back to her. "she picks on everything I do." She said knowing it was somewhat of an exaggeration.

"Just be yourself, she'll come around." He turned to leave again.

"Daddy, I'm sorry for being bad today." She said quietly. Adam walked back to her and lifted her chin so he could see her eyes.

"Your forgiven," He said and lifted her into a hug. "I love you, Ems."

"I love you too." She cuddled against his chest.

"Every once in a while when I can, I'll bring you and Katie to work with me, but for now we're gonna have to make this work." He explained and he felt a slight nod against his chest. He laid her in her bed and she almost immediately fell asleep.

Adam walked back to his room after checking on Katie and stood at the door. The dark room had so many memories, he touched the door knob and gently pulled the door shut unable to sleep in there just yet. He walked back to the couch and pulled a throw blanket over him, soon he would sleep in his room but not yet, not now.

* * *

Emily woke up the next morning, glancing out her window the sun was already up, she had a slight memory of her father coming in earlier and saying goodbye. She went over to her closet and pulled out a pair of her pants and her favorite green shirt. As she headed down the stairs, she could hear Katie and Mrs. McCoy talking. Mrs. McCoy was the first to notice her. "Good morning." She said kindly but was notably shocked by Emily's attire though she shouldn't have been, Katie was also dressed in her overalls as usual. Cassie was in a less fancy dress, but still to nice for even a Sunday dress around there, giving Emily an idea. After they had cleaned up from breakfast Emily asked Cassie to come see her room, the girl followed somewhat nervously, Katie followed them as well.

"Listen, I don't know if I like you very much yet, but my Daddy says I have to be nice to you. So first of all, we don't wear clothes like that around here, it's not practical. Here put these on and you can help with the chores." Emmy passed her a pair of her pants and her blue shirt.

"I don't think I can wear these." Cassie said nervously.

"Why are you to good for them?" Emily spat angrily.

"No, no." She quickly tried to fix her statement. "I don't think my mother would approve."

"Oh, well we'll explain." She shrugged as though it was no big deal.

"How old are you?" Katie asked as Cassie slipped out of her dress.

"I'm nine, how old are you?" She returned.

"I'm six, you're the same age as Emily." Katie pointed out.

"My birthday is July 5th." Emily said proudly.

"My birthday is July 1st." Cassie replied, happy that she was older but feeling uncomfortable in her new attire.

"Wow, you almost have the same birthdays." Katie spouted not seeing how upset that had made her sister. "My birthday is May 28th." She smiled.

"Come on, we have chores to get done." Emily said anxious to get to something she was better at than this girl. The girls headed down the stairs, Emily and Katie almost died laughing when Mrs. McCoy saw her daughter dressed like a boy.

"What on earth are you wearing, young lady, you get upstairs and change this instance." Maggie pointed at the stairs.

"It's ok, Mrs. McCoy. Nobody comes around here, we wear this all the time. Daddy says it's practical to wear pants while working on a ranch." Emily tried to explain before Cassie's mother blew her top.

"You girls can wear that if your father approves, but I do not and my daughter will not." Maggie said.

"But Mrs. McCoy she could get herself hurt in all that getup." Emily argued.

"I don't know, it's not proper." She said but knew the girl was right.

"No one will see, just us girls." Emily tried again.

"Well, as long as you change as soon as your done and that goes for all of you. It is not proper for a young lady to dress in such attire." She huffed.

"Come on." Katie bounded out of the house ready to get away from the tension. Emily followed her and was beginning to understand why Cassie was the way she was, maybe her father was right, maybe she wasn't that bad.

"Do you want to see my horse?" Emily asked wanting to show off.

"Sure." She said quietly glancing back at the house.

"This is Flash, she was my birthday present." She smiled and pet the horse. "You can pet her."

"No, I think I'll just look." She back off slightly.

"Why? She's real nice." Emily pushed.

"I just don't really like horses." Cassie said uncomfortably.

"Don't like horses!" Emily said shocked by the possibility that anyone could not like horses.

"Cassie, you can help me feed the chickens and gather eggs." Katie smiled and Cassie followed her out of the barn.

"What do you do with it?" Cassie asked as Katie handed her a bag of chicken feed.

"You sprinkle it on the ground so they can eat it." Katie said wondering how someone her age could not know this stuff.

"Don't you have a bowl they can eat out of?" She asked feeling bad that they had to eat off the ground.  
"No, it's good for them to eat the pebbles on the ground too, it helps grind the food up." Katie explained thinking it felt nice to know more than someone.

"Oh." Cassie said feeling rather dumb that a six year old knew more than herself.

"Do you want to help get the eggs?" Katie asked wondering how she would feel about it.

"Ummm, I guess." She said and followed Katie into the chicken coup. Katie stuck her hand under one of the chickens and pulled an egg out.

"See, it's easy." She smiled but just got a blank stare back. "Why don't you get the eggs from the ones without chickens laying on them." She smiled trying not to laugh.

"I'm not very good at this stuff." Cassie said quietly as they headed into the barn.

"It gets easier the more you do it." Katie encouraged. "Emily, Emily." She called when they didn't see her anywhere. They walked around the barn but could not find her, just as they were about to go inside, they were suddenly covered in a pile of hay. "Emily!"  
"Hey!" Cassie yelled and coughed from the dust.

"Come on." Katie yelled and climbed up the ladder to the hay loft where Emily was perched. Cassie just watched while picking hay off herself. Katie got another mouthful of hay as she made to the top of the ladder and soon they were in a full out war, throwing hay and laughing. Cassie finally couldn't watch anymore and joined the fun, both joined up against Emily, but against a little girl and a sissy, let's just say Emily creamed them. Exhausted they all plopped down in the hay loft to relax.

"What was your daddy like?" Katie asked after a moment of silence.

"He was really fun, always had fun little things he would do with me when he came home, I think mother disapproved of most. He had dark hair like mine, and everyone said I looked just like him." She smiled, it was a genuine smile and Katie immediately decided she liked her.

"What was your mother like?" She asked.

"She was beautiful, she laughed a lot and everyone said she was the nicest person they ever met but Daddy said she could be honorary." She finished struggling with her last word and looked at Emily for help.

"Ornery." Emily fixed.

"Ya that, she played with us two and we did sandwich races, and Emily looks just like her. Don't ya?" She turned to her older sister.

"I don't want to talk about it." She said quietly, crawling over to the ladder without a word she disappeared out the barn door.

"She gets that way sometimes." Katie shrugged.

"I understand, I used to feel that way too." Cassandra said quietly. Katie watched her thoughtfully, she didn't seem to be the stuck up brat they had first thought, but sometimes she acted like it.

"Let's go inside, we can play a game of checkers." Katie crawled over to the ladder and was about to climb down when she noticed Cassie hadn't followed.

"I don't know how to play." She said shrugging her shoulders.

"I'll teach you, it's real easy." Katie smiled and climbed down the ladder this time followed by Cassie.

* * *

"Well, how is my little girl?" Adam asked as Katie left her place next on the couch where her and Cassie had been looking at pictures in a book, and leaped into her father's arms.

"Good, we had fun today!" She smiled and hugged him.

"Where's your sister?" He asked noticing the absence of his eldest daughter.

"She is in the barn with Flash, she didn't want to play." Katie explained. Adam set Katie down, and headed into the kitchen where he could hear Maggie cleaning up.

"You don't have to do that all, the girls are very capable of cleaning up. I'd prefer it if they did help." Adam said picking up a plate and he began washing it.

"I wanted to have it all done before you got home, don't worry about it. You should relax." She said taking the dish from him.

"How were the girls today?" He asked picking up another dish and washed it.

"They were fine. Though I do have to say I disapprove of the way they dress, I have no say in what you do but it would be appreciated if they didn't encourage Cassie to dress that way also." She said with an edge in her voice.

"It's practical out here, if they wore their dresses while running around a ranch, I'd be buying them new ones once a week. Besides, they don't wear them into town or around others so I figure it's harmless enough." Adam calmly explained understanding the difference between the way the lived from what she was used to back East.

"Maybe so, it's just very new to me, I guess." She said drying off another dish and finding its place in the cabinet.

"I know how different things are here, believe me, I lived in both. But if you give it a chance, you might just fall in love with the peacefulness of this land, it's hard not to." He smiled drying his hands as she put the last dish away.

"You are a mystery." She chuckled. "When you were in college, no one would have ever guessed you were from a place such as this, you had all the manners of an Eastern gentlemen. But here, other than your speech, no one could tell you ever had a different life. Though I must say somehow this life seems to fit you better."

"Maybe so, but I found that it wasn't so much where I was at, but the life I was living there that made a difference. I believe being a husband and father has made all the difference." He said thoughtfully, Maggie couldn't help but notice that the gleam left his eyes when he referred to being a husband. Her own thoughts went back to her husband and she knew that she had experienced much of the same love and heartache as this man. But one thing was very different, she was in love once again and he wasn't ready to love.

"We must be going, your supper is warming in the oven. It's ready for you when you are." She left the kitchen and he followed her out into the living room.

"Why don't you and Cassie stay for dinner?" Adam asked.

"Can we, Mother?" Cassie asked excitedly.

"No, we really should be going. Besides, I only prepared enough for the three of you. Come on, Cassie." She motioned for her daughter as she slid into her coat.

"We'll see you tomorrow then." Adam said wondering what had caused her to get so flustered. Adam watched them leave and then went to find Emily in the barn. She was sitting on the back of her horse, leaning on it's neck and talking softly to him. "Have you been in here all day?" He asked.

"No." She answered quietly.

"How was it today?" He asked and leaned on the stall while he talked.

"Fine," She said glancing up at him. "you were right, she is kinda nice."

"Well, good. I was hoping you would all get along. Come on, why don't we go inside and get some dinner?" He put his hand out for her.

"I don't want to go back in there yet, she tried to get me in a dress." She said softly but irritated.

"There gone, Ems. It's just the three of us again." He sympathized. "She just isn't used to things around her yet, give her some time."

"I will, but I don't want to wear a dress." Emily gave in and swung her leg over, taking her father's hand, she slid off the horse and they walked side by side back to the house.

**Thank you to all who review, I always enjoy reading them. As always your comments and suggestions are welcomed. I hope you are enjoying the story.**


	9. Tough love

Warning: Implied spanking in this chapter, probably last one for a while.

"I am not wearing a dress!" Emily practically yelled. The argument had been going on for some time and as stubborn as Emily could be, Katie knew it wasn't going to end soon.

"Young lady, I am giving you the choice, you can go upstairs and put on a dress or stay in your room the rest of the day." Maggie tried to control her tone as it wasn't proper for a lady to yell, but this child was surely trying her patience.

"Fine." Emily said with a smug look on her face, she turned, walked up the stairs and made sure to slam the door behind her. Maggie let out a frustrated sigh.

"What kind of an answer was that?" Maggie asked hopelessly.

"She won't come down." Katie shrugged. "Daddy says she's stubborn." The little girl rolled her eyes and walked outside, lately the house had become a battle zone and she tried to stay out of it.

"Mother, you shouldn't insist that she wears what we wear. This isn't Boston." Cassie boldly scolded her mother.

"Do not argue with me." She shot angrily at her own daughter. "I will not have you becoming as ill-mannered as this lot. If I have one more problem with you we'll pack up and leave." Margaret McCoy huffed flipping her long hair around and walked into the kitchen. Cassie felt like she had been smacked in the face, it had only been a week but she had been enjoying herself immensely. Katie loved to teach her things, and she even had fun with Emily, when the younger girl would let her guard down enough. Her mother knew how much she loved being there, how could she threaten the only enjoyment she had found in a very long time.

"Did your mother mean that?" A very worried Katie walked up to her as she stepped out onto the porch.

"No," She lied. "She says things she doesn't mean when she gets mad." They walked off the porch together.

"Hey guys." They turned at the sound of Emily's voice, it was coming from her window. "Take these, I'll be down in a minute." She tossed a bag out the window, neither of the girls caught it. When Cassie picked it up, she pulled out Katie's overalls and Cassie's borrowed pants and shirt. With a shared smile, the two girls ran into the barn and changed. A moment later, Emily ran into the barn.

"Well, what did you have in mine." Cassie asked with a gleam in her eye that the others were not used to seeing.

"We can't stay around here, it's a perfect day for a swim in the river." Emily smiled, happy that they had no objections. With an excited squeal, the three headed out the back of the barn and into the woods. They followed the trail for a little ways and then left it behind when they could see the swimming hole.

"Last one in is horse manure." Emily called as she stripped her clothing off and dove into the cool water. Cassie came to a sudden halt. Noticing the horror on her face Emily and Katie stopped splashing each other and waited. "Aren't you coming in?" She asked.

"Do you always take your clothes off?" She questioned uncomfortably.

"Yep," Katie confirmed then asked a little confused. "Don't you?"

"No, we swim in bathing suits." She said still standing awkwardly on the shore.

"What's a bathing suit?" Emily asked.

"It's like well, ummm," She stumbled trying to explain. "Like a dress with legs and they make them for swimming." She finished lamely.

"Well, we don't have that fancy stuff here. So, are you coming in or not?" Emily said starting to get frustrated with this city girl. Not wanting to disappoint the others or be known as a sissy, she pulled off her clothing and quickly hopped into the water. Staying immersed up to her neck, she uncomfortably watched the others splash and play, but it didn't take long for her to forget her propriety and join in. With pruned fingers and toes, three little girls dried on the shore, sharing a laugh now and then about one or another's antics.

"We should probably head back, Mother will start to wonder where we wandered off too." Cassie said as she buttoned the last button of her shirt, she came out from behind the bush she used for privacy.

"How can you stand always wearing those puffy dresses?" Emily asked annoyed at the thought of having to sneak back into her room.

"I've never known anything else until I came here. No one would dare dress like this in Boston." She explained.

"I am never going there, that sounds awful." She muttered as they made their way back to the path.

"Who's that?" Katie pointed down the trail, the opposite way they were headed. The other two girls peered down the trail trying to make out who the rider could be, when he came into view two of the girls were relieved to see that it was Adam. Emily on the other hand shrank back wishing she could disappear into the bushes. "Daddy!" Katie bounced excitedly her wet hair laying flat against her shoulders. Adam swung off his horse, giving a questioning look towards his oldest, and lifted Katie into his arms.

"What are you three doing out here by yourself?" Adam asked.

"Swimming." Cassie chimed in, then noticed the look of displeasure on his face and the tone he had used when he had pointed out the absence of an adult.

"I see that." He said glancing back at Katie's long wet hair.

"What is my rule about leaving the yard?" Adam asked gently directing his question towards Cassie to see if the young girl would answer correctly. He had made sure that Cassie also knew the few simple rules of safety for living on a ranch from the first day she arrived.

"Not to leave without an adult." She said glancing at the ground.

"That's right, and why do we have this rule?" He asked setting down his youngest.

"To keep us safe." Katie said softly also letting her eyes fall to the ground.

"Well, what do you think I should do about your disobedience?" Adam asked and saw Emily wince. She knew what was to come whenever he asked for suggestions, he didn't really want any, but surely he wouldn't discipline Cassie as well.

"We could do extra chores." Cassie offered not really knowing what kind of trouble they were in.

"That's a good start, I'll make a list for tomorrow." Adam said seriously. "Anything else?" He wondered if she would dig herself a deeper hole and decided she would of, had Emily not elbowed her before she spoke another word.

* * *

Adam walked back into the yard of their little house with three very solemn girls following suit. Each girl had tear-stained faces that they tried to hide out of pure embarrassment all but Katie who openly cried. Maggie came out into the yard, shock written all over her face as she saw the pathetic looking group, which included Emily who was supposed to be in her room.

"Go up to your rooms, Cassie you go to my room, I'll be up in a moment." He spoke quietly but firmly and all three girls hurried off without argument.

"What's he gonna do now?" A worried Cassie asked as they climbed the stairs.

"Just talk to us, like he always does after he punishes us." Emily explained and walked into her room. Back outside, the two adults were about to get into a very heated discussion.

"You did what?" Maggie exclaimed.

"I took care of a rather serious and possibly dangerous situation, and I am sorry if you disapprove but as long as your daughter is staying here with my daughters, she will be treated the same." Adam said not allowing Maggie another moment to object.

"Well, if you may treat my daughter in the same manner as you treat yours, then why do you make it so difficult for me to do the same with your daughters." She pointed an accusing finger.

"What are you referring to?" Adam asked pinching the bridge of his nose, wondering how his good friend had put up with such a lady.

"I am referring to," She spat his words back at him. "telling your daughter that she didn't have to listen to me in her manner of dress because you don't agree with me. Well, I'll have you know that she has no respect for anything I say since you told her that." She held eye contact not about to back down.

"I said no such thing, though I must admit that you coming around spouting your Eastern culture as though it was the only proper way to live, I don't blame her for not wanting to listen to you." Adam shot back, as soon as the words were out he regretted saying them. It was wrong of him to defend his daughters wrong behavior, but he was to proud to admit that to this snobbish lady. Maggie's resolved wavered at this insult directed at her and the way she lived, she never once since coming here understood why her husband had been such good friends with this ill-mannered cowboy. Tears stung her eyes but she pushed them back not wanting to let this man know he had hurt her, after a moment of silence, she managed to find her footing again.

"I didn't mean to seem that way, this is all still very new to me. I am only here because I have no other option at the moment, and I don't like it anymore than you do!" She stopped realizing how rude that had sounded. "I am grateful for the job and I will not push anymore of my "Eastern ways" as you call them onto your daughters." With that she quickly turned back towards the house.

"Maggie." The one simple word and the hand on her arm stopped her angry exit and sent her heart racing. "You are doing a fine job with the girls." Adam conceded knowing it wasn't a true apology but it was all he could manage for at the moment, he was still to upset with her.

"Thank you." She walked away from his touch and back into the house, escaping into the kitchen she heard him enter a moment later but he ascended the stairs. She began to wash up the remainder of the dishes not really sure of what had just happened outside, her heart stirred but from anger or something else she didn't know.

Adam gently knocked on his own door, and then let himself in. Cassie was nervously sitting on the bed, he studied the young girl for the first time since she arrived. She had dark brown hair that matched her mother's but her sparkling deep brown eyes reflected her father. She was quite beautiful for such a young girl and he knew her father would have been proud to call her his daughter. Adam took a seat next to her and she played with her fingers more intently.

"I know I am not your father, but you are under my roof and my rules. I had to deal with you in the same way I would if you were my own, because I care about what happens to you." Adam explained gently. His soft toned comforted her as did his words, though she still didn't know what she should think about this man she barely knew.

"Why do you care about what happens to me?" She asked not looking up at him.

"Because your father loved you very much and cared what happened to you, because your mother would be distraught if anything were to happen to you, because my daughters have taken quite a liking to you, and well I have come like you as well." Adam finished and waited for her response. She sat there thoughtfully for a moment not sure if he was honest, but when she finally glanced up at him, she knew he was telling the truth.

"I wouldn't mind it if you were my father." The little girl opened up and threw her arms around his neck, the sudden change caught Adam off guard and she almost knocked him off the bed. Not knowing how to respond, he just hugged her back.

"I think your mother is waiting for you." Adam said softly wiping a few damp hairs from her face, she smiled sheepishly still uncomfortable in his presence. He set her down on the ground and she quickly left the room. When Adam left to go to the next room to straighten things out with his girls, he could see the buggy pulling out in the front yard. With a sigh, he walked into Emily's room, she was sitting at her desk by the window writing.

"Can I see what your writing?" He asked softly, she jumped slightly having not realized he came into her room. She just nodded and handed him the paper, Adam sat down on her bed and read what she had written.

_"I don't understand love, it has so many diferent ways of being shown. Grandpa calls one way tuff love, that's when your father has to disiplin you becuz you did wrong, Grandpa said before, that love is one of the strongest kind becuz it is hard to disiplin your child but you know you have to becuz you don't want them to be in danger agane. I don't understand all the things I have to do, like stay home insted of going to work with him, and havin to stay with that snobby lady. I know that my daddy would only do what he thought was best because he loves me. That doesn't always mean I'm gonna like it but I..."_ The note ended abruptly, Adam guessed that's where he had interrupted, he couldn't help but notice the misspellings and somewhat bad handwriting but he was more concerned about what she had not finished writing.

"Come here, Ems." Adam motioned for her, she got up from her seat and when she reached him he pulled her into is lap. Facing her away from him, because he knew how difficult it was for her to share her feelings while looking at the the person. Emily happily sat in her father's arms and leaned her head against his chest. "What were you gonna write, here?" He asked pointing to the unfinished sentence. Emily toyed with a strand of tangled hair waiting a moment before answering.

"But I trust him." She said almost inaudibly. Adam smiled, surprised at the insight that the note he held in his hands contained and that his nine-year-old daughter had decided that on her own. They sat together for some time, enjoying the silent time together.

"I'm proud of you, Ems." He whispered to her, she turned and buried her face in his chest, taking in the smell of his cologne, that comforting and familiar smell. "Why don't you go downstairs and set the table, by then we should be ready to eat dinner."

"K." She said simply, pulling herself away from the comfort of his arms, she walked down the stairs not able to hold back the smile that crept onto her face when she thought of her father's words. He was proud of her.

Katie hopped off her bed and ran into her father's arms as he entered her room. "I'm sorry, Daddy." She said burying her face in his neck. He gently rubbed her back thinking about how much easier they were at this age.

"Your forgiven, Kates." Adam pulled her away enough to see her face. "Are you ready for dinner?" He asked and her face lit up immediately.

The three sat around their dinner table, silently eating their meal. "I think we should invite Mrs. McCoy and Cassie over for Sunday dinner tomorrow." Adam finally voiced his thoughts, it was the least he could do after how he had treated her today. He got a happy nod in agreement from Katie whose mouth was stuffed full, but Emily just stirred the food on her plate.

"Emily?" Adam questioned. She stopped stirring but still didn't look up from her food.

"We see them everyday." The simple phrase wasn't much but Adam got the message from her tone.

"Alright, tomorrow we can just have a family day. We can invite them over next Sunday." He offered the compromise. She glanced up at him, not really wanting them over next week either.

"Okay." She reluctantly agreed.

* * *

The next day after Sunday services in the morning, the three took the short walk to Ben's house, where they found two eager uncles waiting for them. Spending the day with their family had been just what the little family had needed, not to mention Ben, Hoss, and Little Joe, who had missed the girls presence in the house. The day ended all to soon for everyone, but with a long days work ahead of them, they said their good-byes.

* * *

"Wake up, Ems." Adam shook his daughter, he wanted to talk to her about a few things before leaving for another day of work. "Wake up."

"Mmmm, it's early." She pushed his hand away and rolled over. Adam reached up and pulled back her covers.

"We need to talk, then you can go back to sleep." He laid his hand on her shoulder, she looked up at him waiting for her to wake up enough to focus.

"Tomorrow, Clint and I will be working with a few others, mending fences. How would you and Katie like to come?" Adam smiled knowing this would make her day.

"Yes, oh yes. Daddy, please?" She begged pulling herself into a sitting position.

"On one condition." He stated seriously and she grew nervous. "You will apologize to Mrs. McCoy and behave yourself for her today." Emily hated the idea of apologizing but anything was worth it to spend the day with her father and Clint.

"I will." she said not enthused. Adam laughed and smooth down some of her hair.

"Maybe, someday you'll stop being so stubborn and then you might be able to become friends with Mrs. McCoy." He patted her cheek, chuckling at the unamused look on her face. "Be good." He reminded her before leaving. She flopped back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. _Apologize to Mrs. McCoy, this was going to be the worst day ever_. A moment later Katie came bursting in the door.

"Emily, did Daddy tell you? We get to go to work with him tomorrow." She squealed bouncing on her bed.

"Ya, did he tell you we have to apologize to Mrs. McCoy also." She said pulling the blankets off and sat on the edge of the bed. _There's no way I'm getting anymore sleep today. _She decided watching her sister still bouncing on the bed.

"Ya, I already did." She answered nonchalantly. Emily grimaced, _why were some things so easy for Katie and so difficult for her, Pride. Her father had called it pride. Whatever that meant, something like stubborn._Now was the time for a decision, _If I apologize I'm giving into her, if I don't then I don't get to go with daddy. I'm stubborn but not stupid. Besides, I don't have to really mean that I'm sorry, I just have to say the words._

"Emily, Katie?" Cassie poked her head in the door, when she saw them she entered. "Your father gave me this, it's our extra chore for today." She said feeling somewhat responsible. Emily took the note, it read. "Clean the chicken coup TOGETHER."  
"Why'd ya have to open your big mouth." Emily complained.

"I'm sorry, I could do it by myself." Cassie offered, hoping they didn't take her up on it. The idea was very tempting but Emily knew it wouldn't be right, besides she was starting to like this city girl.

"No, we all got in trouble. We will all help." Emily said glancing at Katie.

"It could be fun, doing it together, I mean." Cassie tried to be optimistic.

"We could make a game of it, like the sandwich game." Katie bounced on the bed again, getting excited.

"Like a race?" Emily asked her sister. She nodded vigorously.

"But I've never cleaned a chicken coup before." Cassie countered.

"Right." Emily sighed, "Well, we could race to see how fast we can get it done, and all work together."

"Okay." They both agreed and changing into work clothes, went out to try and finish before breakfast. They finished in record time and actually had fun while they were working.

"I'll go grab the fresh water and then we'll be done." Emily said running past the two girls, they watched having already finished their parts. Emily came back with the bucket of water, but being unbalanced already and trying to run was not a good combination. Seconds after entering the chicken coup, Emily's feet flew out from under her and she landed on her back in the mud and who knows what else, the water spilled all over making an even larger patch of mud. Katie and Cassie burst into fits of laughter. "Katie, help me up." Emily said angrily.

Katie walked over to her sister, still laughing and reached her hand out to help. Emily grabbed it and pulled her into the mud as well, they all laughed. After a moment, the two sisters stood up, they looked at each other with a smile and then darted toward Cassie. With a scream, the two girls managed to pull her into the muck as well. Inside Maggie had heard the scream and ran out to see what was going on, she stopped in shock, when she saw three girls covered in mud tumbling over each other in the chicken coup.

"Stop that, right now." She yelled not getting to close, no one heard her. "Stop that this instant." She yelled louder and to her surprise, they all stopped. "What is going on?" The girls all looked at each other and shrugged.

"We were just having fun, Mother." Cassie offered with a dirty smile.

"Fun? Your rolling around like pigs in...in...hmmmf, look at you all!" She looked closed to tears.

"We can wash off in the swimming hole, we didn't mean any harm, really." Emily said not wanting to start the day out on the wrong foot.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea. Let me take breakfast off the stove and then we can go." She said defeated, and walked back into the house.

"I didn't think it would make her mad." Emily said quietly helping Cassie to stand up.

"She is just upset because it isn't proper, they would never do this in Boston." She said bitterly.

"But we aren't in Boston." Katie said.

"I know that, Kates. But it doesn't matter to her, it isn't proper and that's that." She sighed. Emily noticed that she had used Katie's nickname, but it didn't bother her, somehow it just seemed to fit, Cassie just seemed to fit.

Down at the river, the three girls hopped in, clothes and all. They splashed and scrubbed until they were clean once again. "Mrs. McCoy, come swim." Katie called from her spot near the shore, the young girl could swim but not well enough to venture out very far.

"No, we should be getting back soon." She said uncomfortably.

"Come on, just for a little bit." Emily said getting out of the water and walking towards her, she didn't know why she was trying to get her to do this but she wanted to see her have fun. She never seemed to have any fun, maybe her father was right, maybe Mrs. McCoy could be different than she first thought, if only she wasn't so proper.

"No, it wouldn't be proper." She tried to find some excuse, Emily was getting sick of hearing about what was proper and what isn't.

"Yes it is, it might not be proper in Boston but we are not in Boston. We are in Nevada and in Nevada it's proper." She took the lady's hand and pulled her towards the water, Maggie was still very unsure but allowed the young girl to walk her waist deep into the cold swimming hole.

"That's far enough." Maggie said pulling her hand away and stopping.

"Can't you swim?" Emily asked, though it wouldn't surprise her. They had to teach Cassie how the day before, apparently their swimming was more like wading.

"No, no, I never learned." She said self-consciously.

"It's easy, watch." Emily swam close to her so she could see. "Just move your arms and legs." She grabbed Maggie's hand again and pulled her further out. Maggie did as the girl explained and soon she was swimming beside her, looking much more awkward than the little girl.

"I did it!" She said surprised, looking back at her daughter, there was a smile on Cassie's face and amazement. _How had Emily talked her into this, she would never have done this in Boston. Oh, forget Boston, like she said this was Nevada._ Cassie thought and swam out to her mother and friend. _Yes, her friend. Emily had become her friend, though it was still somewhat of a rocky friendship. They were friends, and she hoped that someday they would be more than that, maybe someday they could be sisters._ Katie feeling left out at the shore swam out to the other three, also feeling more comfortable because there was an adult out there, though she could probably swim better than Maggie. After a while of swimming, dunking, and splashing the four made their way to the shore.

"I'm starving." Cassie said as she laid down in the grass, exhausted.

"Let's get home and have breakfast." Maggie said standing above the three girls sprawled out on the shore. Cassie noted that her mother had called it home and she couldn't help but hope her mother had meant that. Maggie turned at the sound of a horse, Adam rode up with an amused look on his face, Maggie's cheeks reddened and was suddenly very self-conscious standing before him dripping wet.

"I have some business in town that might keep me a little later today, I was heading home to let you know and make sure that wasn't a problem." Adam chuckled. She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Yes, that will be just fine." She said glancing back at the girls who were watching with interest.

"I was worried that you might be having a difficult time with the girls, but you all seem to be getting along just fine." He noted and saw her nod. "Though I must say it is somewhat strange to go for a swim before eight in the morning." Adam couldn't keep back the humor in his voice as he watched her standing before him like a child who had just been caught doing something wrong.

"We kinda got really dirty while cleaning the chicken coup." Emily explained coming to Maggie's side.

"Why was Mrs. McCoy cleaning the chicken coup?" Adam misunderstood.

"No, she didn't. We did." Emily motioned to the two other girls. "She just came swimming with us so we didn't get in trouble again."

"I see. Well, when I said they couldn't go by themselves I meant for you to supervise them, I didn't mean you had to join them." He said jokingly still wondering how they had gotten her in the water.

"Yes, I...I understood that...I just...I just." She tried to come up with a good explanation, Adam was enjoying watching her squirm but decided to interrupt.

"Well, I should be going. Have a good day." He nodded towards the girls. "You should do your hair like that more often, Mrs. McCoy." Adam smiled at her amused by her discomfort, especially at noting that her hair had fallen out of it's normal style and fallen around her shoulders. With one last glance at the group of soaked group, he rode off towards town. Maggie was steaming inside, mostly from embarrassment. _How could he laugh at her and make fun of her for letting her hair down, literally and metaphorically. He let his daughter's do it, his wife probably even did it. But why did he have to go make a big deal when she did it. To embarrass her that's why and to get back at her, how could he be so cruel._ The three girls stared at her with worried looks on each face, apparently the thoughts in her head were playing vividly on her own face.

"We should go get cleaned up." She said quietly.

"He was just joking with you." Emily tried to explain noticing how upset she looked.

"Ya, because he likes you, he always does that with people he likes." Katie blurted out as they walked home.

"He doesn't like her!" Emily shot at Katie, angrily.

"He does too, like a friend." Katie patiently explained what she meant. Cassie watched silently, not wanting anyone to know what she thought on the matter. Maggie watched surprised. _How fast Emily had changed from the girl who managed to get her to go for a swim, to an angry...no...to a child that had been deeply hurt. Much like her own daughter, when she had lost her father. Emily was afraid, afraid of her father loving again, loving her._ Maggie thought. _Emily wasn't the little brat that she had first thought her to be, she had acted that way towards her because she didn't want to like her, didn't want her father to like her._

"Your father and I are just acquaintances through my husband. He is my boss, nothing more." Maggie tried to ease the tension.

"Promise?" Emily said quietly and stopped on the porch of their house. Maggie turned back to her, _She couldn't lie, there was a part of her that had thought about what life could be like with this family, with Adam. But she didn't love him. Could she promise Adam's daughter that the relationship they had would never change. Yes, she could. Because her heart still belonged to someone else. Nothing could ever change between them. He loved Sarah. That was that._

"Promise." Maggie reached out to her, Emily gave a half-smile still unsure of this lady, but trusting her she walked past her into the house. Her promise would be enough, for now.


	10. Past the past

"The girls and I would like to invite you and Cassie for Sunday dinner." Adam formally invited. Maggie had listened to Adam skirt around the subject for some time and was somewhat relieved that dinner was all it was, she was starting to think he was going to fire her. Adam seem very uncomfortable and Maggie was no more comfortable with the idea than him, but glancing at the eager faces of three little girls, made the decision easy.

"Yes, that would be lovely." She accepted in a very proper manner. Adam had noticed since he had caught them swimming and joked with her that instead of loosening up, she had become even more proper, if that was possible. "Come along, Cassie." She called as she walked out the door.

"Mother?" Cassie started the conversation as they rode back to the boarding house in their buggy.

"Yes." Maggie answered.

"How long will we stay here?" She asked, surveying the landscape so as not to look at her mother.

"I am not sure, why?" Her mother answered nervous of where this conversation was heading.

"I'd like to stay for a long time, maybe even go to school." She said hopefully.

"Your way beyond any schooling that a little town like this could offer, but we will just have to see." Maggie hoped that Cassie would drop the subject, but her next question was what she feared.

"If we do stay longer, shouldn't we let Mr. Mantle know? We never even told him we were leaving." Cassie felt her mother tense at the question.

"Richard will understand." Maggie kept her eyes on the path in front of her.

"But I don't even understand why we left." Cassie finally confronted her with the very thing she had been wondering since the day they had left.

"You are too young." She gave a clipped reply.

"I'm not too young to know that you wanted to marry him, and then we just left without a word." Cassie argued. She clearly remembered the way her mother had looked at Richard Mantle, though she couldn't understand what she saw in him. The man had always been short with Cassie, and he wasn't much to look at, other than his money he didn't offer much.

"Young lady, it is none of your concern. Some matters are much too complicated." She finished in a tone that told Cassie they were done talking about it.

"I think Adam likes you." She stated, thinking how much better he was than Richard.

"Mr. Cartwright is a kind boss, nothing more." Maggie blushed, wondering if her daughter had noticed her own feelings changing towards this man.

"He'd be a better father." She said under her breath. Maggie decided to let that comment go as though she had not heard it. She understood Cassie's desire to have a father once again, and she had thought that Richard Mantle could and would provide that for her daughter, but she had been very mistaken.

* * *

Adam had put the girls to bed and walked back downstairs, his eyes went to the couch he had been sleeping on and then to his bedroom door that had remained unopened for the past two weeks they had been there. As he did every other night, he turned his back on his room and sat down on the couch.

"Why do you sleep on the couch, Daddy?" Adam glanced up to see Katie standing at the top of the stairs.

"You should be in bed." He said not answering her question.

"You should be in bed too." She pointed out, coming down the stairs to stand in front of him. "I'll hold your hand." Katie said quietly looking into his eyes.

"Kates, it's not that easy." Adam sighed. "Let's get you to bed." He stood up. Katie looked at him and then looked back at their bedroom door. She ran into the room, leaving the door open, and sat on the bed. Adam slowly walked over and stood in the doorway. "Come on, Kates, it's late."

"Come sit with me, please." She smiled at him. Adam waited a minute, then took a step in and stopped. Katie hopped off the bed and ran over to him. She looked up at him, smiling, she looked so much like Sarah. Katie gently took his hand and walked him over to the bed, she climbed up on it and pulled him down to sit by her. "It's not that hard either." She smiled at him.

Just as the many colors of light mix together to make white light, the many emotions that were threatening to spill over, left him feeling numb. "Katie, it's much harder than you know." He said with so much emotion in his voice that even a six year old couldn't miss it.

"Can I help?" She touched his hand, the single touch seemed to bring him out of the fog and back to reality. He looked at Katie as though she had just come into the room.

"Yes, yes you can. Tell me the colors of the rainbow." Adam said knowing she wouldn't go to bed until she was sufficed.

"Red." She didn't understand but conceded. _Anger._ Adam thought. "Orange." _Loneliness. _"Yellow." _Fear. _"Green." _Envy. _"Blue." _Sadness. _"Purple." _Longing. _"And pink." _Love._

"Thank you, you helped very much. Now why don't you get some sleep." Adam kissed her on the cheek, Katie returned the kiss and then reluctantly left for bed, still unsure of how she had helped. Adam himself didn't really understand but somehow addressing each feeling individually had helped him to understand his own emotions.

He was angry. _Angry that he was alone to raise two girls without the help of his wife. Angry that life could be so cruel, angry that she was gone, angry that he had loved her so much just to lose her._

_Orange would usually be thought of as a friendly or happy color but it was just a mockery, his joy had been stolen the day he said goodbye to his love. Lonely, lonely for the one he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with, lonely for her touch, her scent, her kiss._

_Fear, yellow was that of a coward, he was not a coward but yet he was afraid. Afraid of raising their daughters alone, afraid of messing it up, afraid of losing them. Afraid of living without her. _

_Envy. Jealous of those that had joy, of those who hadn't lost everything. Jealous of the life he could have had with Sarah_. He laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

_Sadness. Such a simple word to describe the pain inside him, the deep ache of loss, the emptiness that could never be filled. Sad for his wife, who had so much of her life left to live. Sad for his daughters who have to grow up without their mother, sad for their pain that he could not fix. Sad for himself, for the love that he lost. _

_Purple, a royal color, one of the rich those that had everything, never wanting for anything. Yet, he was well off and longed for something far better than money. He longed to be with her again, longed to touch her face, longed to hear her laugh. Longed to hold her close one last time. _Adam wiped away a single tear that slid down the side of his face.

_And then there was love, yes, the unmistakeable feeling of love. He loved Sarah more deeply than he ever knew was possible. Love was what made him long for one more moment with her, filled him with sadness at the thought of her. Love made him envious of those around him that still had the chance that had been robbed from him. Love caused his loneliness for her, and his anger at the unfairness of his situation. _Adam rolled onto his side, facing the side of the bed that Sarah would have been on, he rested his hand on her pillow. "I love you, Sarah." Exhaustion had taken its toll and soon he was asleep, still fully clothed laying on top of the covers but in his room, in their bed once again.

* * *

"Adam, your awfully quiet today." Joe sat in the saddle next to his eldest brother. Adam was naturally of a quiet nature but today was a different kind of quiet.

"You know, Joe, if you took more time to think things through, you would be quiet also." Adam humored him, though nothing in him felt like joking.

"What are you thinking about?" Joe inquired.

"Did anybody ever tell you to keep your nose out of everybody's else's business." Adam retorted.

"How are the girls taking it, being back home?" Joe ignored his brother's irritation.

"They are fine." Adam answered shortly, not wanting to continue this conversation. "They are enjoying it, but they miss you all." He conceded.

"Good, so everyone is adjusting then?" Joe continued, knowing if he could get Adam talking, he might just slip.

"Yes, they are getting used to it." He replied watching the trees as they rode past. Little Joe watched him carefully, it wasn't like Adam to avoid eye contact.

"Listen, we got a couple hours before we're expected back, what do ya say we go fishin'?" Joe offered.

"We've got work to do." Adam disagreed.

"Come on, take your little brother fishin. For old times sake." Little Joe smiled his best smile, and Adam relented, _It would be nice to get away._

"Sarah always hated it when you went fishin." Joe smirked as they sat on the bank, fishing poles in the water.

"She said it was a waste of time because I never caught anything." Adam chuckled.

"She was right, your the worst fisherman I've ever met. Guess that's what ya get for spending a couple years in the city. Fish can smell you city slickers a mile away." Joe cackled at his own joke, Adam couldn't help but laugh, but the sadness didn't leave his eyes. "Remember the time, you actually caught something and she wouldn't believe you. She made me swear that I hadn't given it to you."

"I don't think she ever did believe us." He said quietly looking down at his hands. He knew Joe was trying to open up the conversation, make it easier to talk about, but it wasn't.

"It's okay to miss her, ya know. It's only wrong when you start to let your loss control your life." Joe said quietly, looking at Adam to see if the message had registered.

"That's just it, Joe, it does control you, it controls everything, it changes everything."Adam glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, _What was he leading up to?_

"It changes everything, Adam. But it doesn't have to control your life or your feelings, you let it take control when you let it consume you. Adam, it's time to start looking past the past, remember you still have a future." Joe hoped he wasn't going to far but he had to have his say, he was worried about his brother.

"We should be getting back, the girls are bound to be running Pa wild." Adam stood and walked back to his horse, Joe followed and they rode back to the house. It was Saturday, normally the girls would have been at home with Maggie, but she had been given the day off so Ben could spend time with his granddaughters. They rode back into the yard, Adam sat on his horse for a moment, Joe waited next to him on his horse. "There was one time when my future was certain, and then that was taken away from me. Now I don't know what my future will hold, or who it will hold. Everything I was ever sure of is gone, Joe, how can it not consume me?"

"Adam, you know as well as I, that your future is never certain. You can have a plan but you'll never really know what will come out of it. Your future is still as definite as it was when you still had Sarah, when God took Sarah, you just became aware of how unsure your future really is." Joe was surprised at himself, he had never been that bold with Adam except in a fit of anger, he had also sounded quite eloquent, which was usually Adam's forte.

"Joe, can you take care of the horses?" Adam asked and his gaze finally met his younger brother's. Little Joe saw the gratitude in his eyes, whether he meant to show it or not, there wasn't much he could hide from his brother.

"Sure thing. If you see Ann, send her out. She loves to help." Joe said sliding off his horse. Adam nodded and walked in the house. Emily and Katie were chasing each other around the living room, Ben was plopped in his chair watching with amusement.

"Daddy!" Katie quickly changed directions and ran to her father.

"Hey, Kates." He lifted her into his arms and reached out to Emily who came and hugged his waist. "Ems, your Uncle Joe wants some help in the barn." He patted her head, she gave him a quick squeeze and ran out the door.

"It's gonna be impossible to keep her away from the stalls when she gets older, Adam. She begged all day to take care of the horses, watch the horses, and ride the horses." Ben chuckled.

"Well, she's got some of Joe's blood in her." Adam smiled and joined his father, setting Katie on his knee.

"Hey, Ann. Pass me that brush will ya?" Joe asked as Emily walked in the barn, she handed him the brush and picked up another.

"Uncle Joe, do you think I'll ever be able to break horses like you do?" She asked brushing down her father's horse.

"No." Joe chuckled at the thought.

"Why not?" She asked a little put out that he thought it was funny.

"Because your father is never going to let his precious girl get on a wild horse." Joe watched her over the back of his mount, she face screwed up in thought trying to think of a way she could do it, no doubt.

"I want to work for Grandpa when I get old enough." She stated.

"We'll have to see about that, but you don't have to break horses to work for Pa." Joe smiled.

"Ya, but everyone will think I'm a sissy, if I can break a horse than they won't be able to say that." She said having thought the whole thing through.

"Ann, your nine. I don't think you have to worry about that just yet." Joe tried to hide his amusement, knowing she wasn't joking in the least bit.

"But if I want to be good enough to work for Grandpa, I'm gonna have to start now. I want to be good as Clint and you." She added to make sure her uncle wouldn't be jealous.

"Well, I'll tell you what. I can start teaching ya some of the stuff I learned at your age and if we get you good enough at those things than you won't even have to break a horse." Joe smiled and watched as Emily broke out into a grin that resembled her mother's smile.

"I'd like that." She came around to his side of the horse and hugged him.

"Do you think Katie would want to learn also?" He asked not wanting to leave his youngest niece out.

"No, she wants to be a nurse." Emily rolled her eyes. Since they had gotten back from the cattle drive, Katie was always talking about being a nurse someday.

"She'd be good at that." Joe chuckled and tussled Emily's hair.

* * *

After church on Sunday, Adam and his girls worked hard in the kitchen to prepare a nice meal for their guests. Adam chopped vegetables for the stew, Emily toasted bread on the stove top under the watchful eye of her father, and Katie stirred the soup. When the food was almost ready, Adam sent the girls to set the table. By the time Maggie and Cassie arrived the table was set and Adam was bringing out the food.

Dinner was pleasant enough, the children ate quickly and excused themselves, leaving the adults to themselves.

"Mr. Cartwright, about the other day. I normally would have never done such a thing, I mean I realize it wasn't proper. Though I do say, I was not expecting you to interrupt." Maggie said and Adam noticed the color rising to her cheeks.

"It's Adam, and though it may be unheard of in Boston, women take a swim now and then in Nevada." He emphasized the different places and couldn't hide the amusement in his eyes. "How are you and Emily getting along?"

"Fine, I believe we are starting to understand one another. She was the one who managed to get me to go for a swim." She laughed slightly and then composed herself.

"She can be very persuasive." He smiled and she could see the pride in his eyes. He was a loving father, there was no doubt about that.

"Yes." She blushed even deeper.

"You are doing a great job with them. It took some time but I think they are warming up to you. Thank you." Adam finished looking at his now empty plate.

"Thank you," She smiled happy that he had noticed. "Cassie adores you as well."

"I thought she was scared of me." Adam said thinking back to the day he had punished her.

"No not at all. She is a little shy around you but I'm sure that will wear off in time. She'd be happy if we stayed here forever." She said and turned her attention back to her food.

"How long will you stay?" He questioned.

"I'm not sure yet, I know Cassie would love to stay and go to school here but I'm afraid we might have to leave when summer is over." Maggie told him.

"That's to bad." Adam said. Maggie glanced up at him while he ate. _Did he really think that, would he be disappointed when they left._ Her heart skipped at the thought that he enjoyed her being here, maybe even liked it. _I have enjoyed being here, maybe we could stay a little longer, I haven't heard anything from Richard yet._ Her thoughts were interrupted by Adam's deep voice. "I mean I'm sure the girls would love to go to school together."

"Oh, yes, I'm sure they would." She said trying to keep her mind from wandering, thinking of a life she could never have.

"You know Maggie, I never asked because I wasn't sure if you'd be ready to talk about it. Will has been gone for over a year, what brought you out here now?" Maggie tensed, she had hoped he wouldn't pry. As of yet, he hadn't pushed her to explain so she hadn't thought up a story that would be mostly true and plausible.

"Well, I..." She paused and stumbled for a moment and then it came to her. "Will always talked about coming out here and seeing the West, and of course he told us all about the Ponderosa that you wrote to him about. When we couldn't handle being around all the memories anymore, it just made sense to come here."

"Then why do you want to go back?" He asked with genuine concern that made her heart light. _It was just nice to have a caring man's attention again._ She told herself. _That's all, I don't care for him. I just miss Will. _

"Well, because, I guess after a while it becomes easier to bear the pain and memories. I mean just like you and the girls moved back here but after a couple months of coping somewhere else. That's just what we're doing, getting away for a while and then we'll go back." She said while trying her best not to let the emotions swirling around inside her show.

"Yes, though I will say that when you go back it won't be all fine and dandy, it will still take time." Adam said softly, sympathizing with her.

"I know," She said softly. "but I have many things waiting for me there. It just would not be practical to stay any longer than necessary." She stiffened her resolve, trying to make herself believe what she was telling Adam. It was getting harder to guard her heart from this tall, handsome man. Adam nodded in understanding.

* * *

"Mother?" Cassie asked on their way home that evening, Maggie nodded in acknowledgment. "Are you sure we can't stay?"

Maggie sighed, they were both starting to become way to attached. She had been trying so hard but the small town, ranching lifestyle, and the Cartwright family were difficult to resist, they all had a way of sneaking into your heart before you realized what was happening. "I am sure. We do not belong here, Cassandra."

"When do we have to leave?" She asked sadly.

"When school starts again and we are no longer needed, about four weeks." Maggie showing little emotion. After leaving the horse and buggy with the blacksmith, they walked into the boarding house where they had been staying.

"Mrs. McCoy, got a telegram for ya." Mr. Vix said from his spot behind the check-in desk.

"Oh, thank you, sir." Maggie said as she took the paper that he handed her, she could not contain her surprise when she saw whose name was at the top.

"Bad news?" Mr. Vix asked seeing her reaction.

"No, no it is just fine." She answered not even reading the note before she answered. She quickly tucked it away for a moment when she could be alone.

After Cassie had fallen asleep, Maggie sat at her desk with the folded paper in her hand. Her hands shook slightly as she unfolded it.

"Maggie. I want you to come back. Under the same conditions. I need you. Richard Mantle."

She bit her bottom lip to hold back the sobs and tried to blink away the tears. _How could he do this to me? Why did he have to make it harder to leave? He needs me. If he need me, he would not make such __ridiculous requirements. No, he needs my position, the social status that marrying me would offer. But he loves me, I know he does._ Maggie laid her head on the desk and dissolved into tears. _Richard, I wish I could marry you but I do not think I could give that up._ She sobbed harder at the thought, _How could I ever get past the past? I can not just forget about it like it never happened. It did, she is part of me, and she is my responsibility._

**So sorry that it took forever. I had major writer's block for a while. I would love any suggestions or opinions. Thanks for reading and for reviewing. Glad you are enjoying.**


	11. The perfectly unperfect picnic

Adam could not help but notice Maggie's uneasiness. She had seemed that way this morning and now even more so this afternoon. He was not the only one, the girls had noticed a difference in her as well. Cassie seemed uncomfortable with her mother's behavior and was somewhat grumpy herself. The sudden change worried Adam, though he hated to admit it, he had come to care about this woman and her daughter. _I am not falling in love with her._ He told himself as he lay in his bed that night._ Then why do you care?_ He argued with himself. _She is taking care of my daughters, I have to care about what happens to her. I could never love her. I love Sarah. _These thoughts kept nagging at him as he drifted off to sleep.

The next morning when he said goodbye to her before work, he could not ignore the sudden attraction he felt toward her. He pushed it away. _She hates me. I love Sarah. Simple as that._

Maggie was finding it hard to perform her daily tasks properly. The words in the telegram kept ringing in her thoughts. _I want you to come back._ She could not help but wonder how much he truly wanted her, to require such a price from her, he was not that desperate. _I need you_. Maybe he was desperate for her, he had obviously gone through a lot to find her location. She knew was he required was necessary and practical, but it was impossible. _Under the same conditions._ Yes, it proved even with her disappearing he was not going to budge on the matter. He did not want Cassie.

The turmoil inside her was impossible to hide from the three girls she took care of, one being her own, who knew more than she realized. Adam came back a little early that evening with a picnic basket, packed and ready to go.

"So who's ready for a picnic." He smiled at the surprised faces, particularly Maggie, who he hoped the picnic would help. He got shouts of agreement from the two of the three girls and they each took off in different directions to get ready to go.

"I'm not much in the mood for a picnic today. I think I will stay but you may take Cassie. I know she will love it." Maggie said never lifting her eyes to meet his.

"Maybe a picnic will help lift your mood, besides some fresh air will do you good. I'll hitch up the wagon you and the girls can meet me outside when your ready." Adam walked away, not leaving time for her to argue. He felt flushed when he closed the door behind him, knowing he would have been disappointed if she did not come. The last phrase he had said hit him though, he could remember time after time saying that to Sarah.

"Emily, what's wrong?" Cassie asked as she waited for her to get ready, she was taking longer than necessary.

"Nothing." She said tying her hair into a very short loose pony tail at the base of her neck.

"Yes, there is. Your taking forever!" Cassie said irritated because she could not wait to go.

"Maybe if I take forever than we won't be able to go." Emily shot back at her snobbishly. Cassie was a little taken aback, Emily and her had been getting along so well lately, she did not understand the sudden change.

"Please, Emmy. My mother says we won't be here much longer and I want to spend as much time with you and your family as possible." Cassie hoped to get sympathy from her. It worked.

"I guess it will be fine since you'll be leaving, but just this once." Emily told her as though she had total control over it.

"Good," She smiled grabbing Emmy's hand and pulling her out of the room. "Let's get Kates and go, I want to have plenty of time." Emily could not help but laugh at her excitement and she wondered if Cassie had ever gone on a picnic before.

"I thought you would never be ready." Adam feigned impatience when the others joined him outside. Adam lifted Katie and then Cassie into the back of the wagon and then turned to Emily.

"Daddy, can I sit up front with you?" She asked quietly hoping Maggie would not hear.

"Not this time, there isn't room." Adam said and lifted her into the wagon with the others. Emily watched as her father took Maggie's hand and helped her climb into the front of the wagon. Cassie and Katie talked and laughed the whole way, but Emily just sat quietly trying to listen in on the adult's conversation.

"It is beautiful in its own way." Maggie smiled at Adam.

"Yes, it will grow on you the longer your here without you even knowing it. Someday, if you leave you will remember the brilliant sunsets, the peaceful sound of only nature surrounding you, and the quiet ease of country life." Adam spoke in a soft tone sharing the very things he had missed while he was in the city.

"And the people." Maggie said before catching herself. "I mean most of the people seem a little rough around the edges but once you get to know them..." She let the sentence fade out, not really knowing where she had been going with it.

"Their fine people." Adam finished smiling at her apparent embarrassment. She half-smiled and continued watching the scenery. She could not help but notice that Adam had said "if you leave", how she wanted it to be an "if". How she wanted to stay in this paradise, but she had to return to her responsibilities and to Richard. Her eyes fell to her hands at the thought, she did care for Richard, she had thought she loved him, then Adam came along. The kind of man he was, made it hard to even like a man like Richard, but as her father said it was not a matter of feelings, it's business and profitable for both.

Adam glanced at her while she scanned the landscape and played with her hands. She seemed so different from the rich snob he had first met in Virginia City. Maybe people in the West were not the only ones that had a rough exterior, sometimes it was just some people's way of not getting close, so they would not get hurt. Maggie would not let her guard down, except on the one incident with swimming, she seemed to afraid to let loose and enjoy life._ And who are you to talk? When was the last time, you just enjoyed life? _Adam reasoned with himself. _Today, I am enjoying today._ He smiled realizing how much he appreciated the company, her company.

"Are we there yet?" Adam's thoughts were interrupted by Katie's whine. He glanced around, he had not been paying attention.  
"Just about." He answered spotting the grassy area beside the creek that he had chosen. He enjoyed the sound of the flowing water, and this way the girls could wade in it. The grass was brown and withered from the long hot summer with little rain but the trees around them had been kept well supplied by the creek and were still green and full. Adam grabbed the blanket to lay out and Maggie grabbed the picnic basket. Emily watched her, _That's my job, I'm supposed to take care of my family now not her._ She hopped out of the wagon, deciding that she was NOT going to have fun.

Emily followed them to the area where her father spread the blanket. Katie immediately ran off towards the creek with Cassie. "Don't go in yet, wait till after lunch." Adam called after the girls, Maggie looked at him somewhat shocked. "What you don't feel like swimming today?" Adam teased.

"Well, I..." Maggie turned beet red. "No." She turned her attention back to the picnic basket. When she glanced back up, she caught the gleam in Adam's eye, something she had never seen before. Maggie relaxed. "Umm, Emily would you help me?" She stumbled over the question trying to pry her eyes away from Adam. _It was improper to stare like that. But something was different about him._

"I can do it." Emily said smugly. "And I don't need help." She said leveling her gaze with Maggie. Maggie got the message, Emily had noticed the difference also. She had to keep her promise, nothing could change between them.

"I'm sure you can, I will go gather the girls." She said and quickly moved away.

"That was disrespectful, Emily." Adam said turning his attention to his daughter.

"I'm sorry, Daddy, but this is my job, not hers." Emmy explained.

"Still there is never any cause to speak to an adult in that tone, and if I remember right, from the time you were little we taught you how to share." Adam looked at her pointedly. They were interrupted as Katie plowed into her father, who easily fell over backwards. Adam kept hold of Katie, she squirmed but could not free herself, so she pleaded for help. Cassie joined in to her mother's dismay, she hopped on his back so he could not grab her. It did not work, he easily flipped her around and caught her around the waist. Maggie and Emily watched neither willing to join in on the action, one for propriety's sake and the other because she was determined not to have fun. The girls squirmed and giggled trying to escape, Katie managed to pry herself loose. He hopped up still holding Cassie but as he went to grab Katie, he caught a hold of Maggie's skirt tearing it from the waistband, he flew onto the ground, Cassie landed on top of him along with her mother's skirt. Emily's burst into laughter at the look on Maggie's face, when she realized she was standing their in only her pantaloons. Maggie grabbed the first thing in reach, the picnic blanket, as she pulled it up around her, the food Emily had set out scattered everywhere.

Everything stopped. No one moved or said a word for a moment, Maggie was horrified, the girls were trying not to laugh and Adam did not seem to know how to react to the situation. Suddenly, he erupted into a fit of laughter, Emily stared at him for a second, trying to remember the last time he had laughed like that, she couldn't. The girls could not stand it any longer and laughed as well, Maggie went from embarrassed to angry in a flash. "You, you big oaf!" She fumed tears springing to her eyes. "How dare you laugh and after what you just did." Her mouth hung open for a moment searching for more words to say but nothing came. Instead, she walked away in a huff.

Adam tried hopelessly to control himself, but every time he came close the look on Maggie's face came back and he started up again. Emily was the first to stop laughing, so she walked over to the wagon where Maggie had disappeared. She had sat down on the other side and was leaning against the front wheel, Emily joined her. "Don't be mad at Daddy, it was an accident." She said softly.

"I know that but he should not have laughed." Maggie said wiping away tears, she felt like a foolish child.

"He wasn't laughing at you like that, I mean it was really funny especially the look on your face. My daddy hasn't laughed like that in a really long time." Emily explained, Maggie looked at the little girl, she had not seen this side of her all day.

"I guess I just got all tied up in my Boston ways again." Maggie sighed.

"Nope," Emily giggled. "That's not proper even in Nevada." She laughed.

"Oh you." Maggie reached out and pulled her into a hug. "You know, I really like this sweet girl more than the ornery one, I've seen all day." She said her arms wrapped around Emily with her facing away, she leaned her cheek on the girls head. Emily enjoyed the affection, and her resolve to not have fun quickly faded away.

"I'm sorry, for the way I acted earlier. I guess it's just hard to get used to sharing again." She said moving her head enough to see Maggie's face, she was smiling down at her.

"I understand, but you know Emily, I would like to be your friend, if you would let me?" Maggie asked sweetly.

"I think I'd like that," Emily smiled then turned to face her more. "but you're gonna have to learn to loosen up more." She giggled and jumped out of her reach before she could tickle her.

"I guess I kind of ruined the picnic didn't I?" Maggie asked sheepishly.

"No, I think you made it better. But we need to get you in some clothes." With that Emily climbed into the back of the wagon and pulled a board off the floor, underneath was a small compartment. "Mama kept us all a change of clothes in here just in case, she said you never know what could happen. I guess she was right." Emily pulled out her mother's pile and hopped out of the wagon. "I know you don't wear pants but I think this time it's better than that."

"I think your right about that." Maggie sighed. Emily sat on the edge of wagon and held up the blanket for a changing room, while Maggie changed. When they walked back to the others, they had gathered up all the food and were waiting. They were completely shocked when they looked up, Margaret McCoy was wearing a maroon flannel shirt that was to big on her small frame, and a pair of Sarah's old britches. Adam was the first to recover this time.

"Well, I must say this is a change." He said his lips curving into a half-smile, and humor dancing in his eyes.

"I told her you could help her roll up the sleeves, your good at that." Emily said to her father and then started to spread the blanket out again. Adam did as Emily said, Maggie seemed like such a different person out of her fancy clothes.

"She's right you did a very nice job." Maggie smiled unsure of what to say.

"It takes a lot of practice to get that good." Adam winked and Maggie's heart fluttered.

"We should eat." She said walking away and taking a seat by Cassie. Adam joined them sitting between his two girls, they passed out the sandwiches and began to eat.

"We couldn't save the pie." Katie announced as they were nearly finished with lunch, this time Maggie was the first to giggle. She glanced at the the others worried that they did not find it funny, the smiles on their faces assured her they did and she laughed. Katie had a mischievous look on her face and reached out, tagging Emily. Emily in turn quickly tagged Cassie and the girls scurried away, Cassie knew she could not catch them so she tagged Adam. Maggie just watched until she saw that same look as Katie had on her face on Adam's.

"Everyone has to play." Adam reached out and tagged her also. He was not sure if she would join in or not, it took a moment for her to decide but soon she was after them. They played for some time, Maggie and Cassie both kept getting tagged because they were slower than the others. Maggie had gotten tagged and was exhausted, so she walked around until she got close enough and then made a mad dash for that person, her strategy was not working. She saw Adam out of the corner of her eye, and took off after him determined to catch him before she collapsed from exhaustion. Adam easily kept ahead of her, he saw an opportunity and turned towards the creek. He slowed down just before he got there and let her get close enough to almost tag him. A couple steps backwards and he was now in the water, Maggie charged at him not realizing he was in the creek. As her feet hit the slime covered rocks, she lost her balance and plunged forward, Adam caught her, then with a mischievous smile dropped her into the creek.

"Ahhhh!" She screamed. "You, you, I cannot believe you." Maggie fumed sitting in the cool water, but when she saw the sparkle in his eyes and heard his hearty laugh. She could not help but smile also, then in one quick movement she tackled his legs and sent him into the water with a splash. The girls had come over to watch the scene, they were all surprised at Maggie's actions, as was she. They charged in after the adults, laughing and splashing.

Maggie and Adam lay drying on the shore while the girls continued to play. "I had a wonderful day Adam, thank you for taking us." She smiled staring up at the clear blue sky.

"Your welcome, it was a much needed break." Adam rolled on his side to look at her, something inside him began to ache for Sarah, he felt like he was betraying her. _No, this is just a picnic, it doesn't mean anything._ He pushed the thoughts into the back of his mind.

"You must think I am absolutely ridiculous, lying here soaking wet in men's clothing. My father would never approve." She shook her head.

"I am partly to blame for the attire and for the bath." Adam chuckled slightly.

"Partly? I would say it is completely and totally your fault." Maggie raised her eyebrows at him and smiled.

"Alright, I'll take the blame. Does your father live in Boston also?" He asked hoping to learn more about her.

"Uh, no, actually he died a few years back." She sat up watching the girls play so as not to have to look at him.

"I'm sorry,"Adam sympathized. "tell me about him."

"There isn't much to tell, he was a big-shot lawyer, he had everything a man could ever want and he was consumed in it. Mother left us when I was twelve, said she could not stand him anymore but that I would be better off with him. But my father cared about me as much as he did his horse." Maggie explained still watching the girls.

"You know it surprises me that a man like that would be alright with his daughter marrying Will." Adam stated.

"Well, to be honest. Father never approved of Will, he wanted me to marry a young lawyer in his firm Rich...um, rich and hard-working, was what he said. Not to mention how it would help both of their businesses. Marrying Will was more of an act of rebellion, don't get me wrong, I did love him very much." She said realizing that she was beginning to share way to much.

"I have no doubt. Did your father ever come to terms with it?" He asked hoping he was not prying.

"No, he died never meeting his granddaughter. Cassie has only ever heard of relatives, the only family she has now is me." She shook her head again, her heart ached for her daughter.

"Well, she is lucky. It is obvious that you love her very much." Adam consoled, Maggie fell silent lost in thought.

"Come on, girls, it's time to get dried off and head home." Adam called to the three.

"Do we have to go home already?" Katie whined.

"We've been out here for almost three hours." Adam tussled her wet hair.

"Can Cassie stay for dinner?" Katie asked.

"Not tonight, I don't want them to have to ride home in the dark." Adam started to walk back to the wagon. Maggie walked back with Cassie and Emily on either side.

"Then could Cassie spend the night?" Katie continued.

"You just spent all day with her, don't you think that is enough?" Adam asked humored by his daughter's persistence.

"No." She said seriously. Adam glanced at Maggie to see if it would be alright.

"Ahh, not tonight, Katie. Maybe when we've planned it out, so she will have a change of clothes." Maggie carefully declined.

"Soon?" She pleaded with big eyes.

"Yes, soon." Maggie laughed.

* * *

"I had fun, didn't you mother?" Cassie smiled as they walked into their room. Maggie was distracted by the letter in her hand. "Mother?"

"What?" Maggie looked up, she hadn't heard a word.

"Did you have fun?" Cassie asked again.

"Oh, yes." She smiled at her daughter.

"So, maybe we could stay?" She asked hopefully.

"We'll talk about it, go get ready for bed." Maggie said distractedly. When Cassie was gone she unfolded the piece of paper, another telegram from Richard.

_ Maggie. If I do not hear from you in a week, I will come for you. This is what your father wanted. Please come back. Love, Richard._

Maggie covered her face with her hands. _Richard would come here for her. Could he truly love her that much? I must contact him, otherwise he will come here and that would mess everything up. What about Adam?_ She looked up surprised. Why had Adam entered her thoughts? _Because I like Adam._ She answered herself, then put her hands in her head again, this was getting more and more complicated.

"Was it from Richard?" Cassie asked, surprising her mother.

"It's uhh, don't, don't worry about it." She stumbled. "Come on climb into bed."  
"Mother, I really, really, like it here. I like Emily, Katie, and Mr. Cartwright. Please can we stay forever?" She asked sleepily.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." Maggie kissed her daughter's forehead.

"Goodnight." Cassie yawned and fell asleep.

**My brother is coming to visit and I haven't seen him for almost three years, so I probably wont have another chapter up for about a week. Sorry. This chapter was meant to be a little more light-hearted, but with tid bits of the past and a little look at the future. In the next chapter, Adam's world will be turned upside down again, I'll leave it at that so that your all wondering what is going to happen. Thank you again for your reviews.**


	12. A love that grows

**So my plan for this chapter was delayed because it went longer than I expected, but I enjoyed writing this one and hope you enjoy reading it. I am trying to get the next one out soon so I don't keep you all in suspense!**

Maggie slowly made her way to the telegraph office, her heart raced at the thought of what she was about to do. Cassie was back at the boarding house waiting for her so they could head over to Adam's, Maggie knew that her daughter had figured out some of what was going on but she tried to hide most of it. The truth would hurt to much for such a young girl, and she could not put her daughter through that.

"Hello, what can I do for ya?" Mr. Fellows asked as she walked up to the telegraph office.

"I need to send a telegram to Boston." Maggie answered uncomfortably.

"We can do that but it'll cost a little bit more." He told her with apologetic smile.

"That will not be a problem." Maggie smiled back but the smile was empty and obviously forced. The man handed her a piece of paper and pen.

_Richard. I will come. I cannot leave for two weeks. I will not leave her behind. Maggie._

After jotting the note down quickly, she handed it back to Mr. Fellows and bid him good day. She hoped the man did not know what was going on, the letters were private but he had to read them. She did not want him to think badly of her, or any of this to get back to Adam. _Adam. He was such a wonderful man, everything a woman could want. But he could never care for a woman like me. He would never ask me to leave Cassie behind, he does love her. Richard was nothing compared to him,but we had a deal, and Richard was caring in his own way._

"I'm sorry we are a little late." Maggie apologized as her and Cassie were met by Adam at the door.

"It's no problem, though after leaving early the other day for our picnic and being late today. My father is going to think I've lost my work ethic." Adam teased.

"I hope not, I would hate to be the cause of that." Maggie looked horrified at the thought.

Adam chuckled. "Loosen up, I'm kidding." He leaned close and elbowed her gently in the side. Maggie blushed more from the goosebumps that rose on her skin when he got that close to her than anything else. "Have a good day." Adam nodded and headed over to where his horse stood waiting. Maggie watched for longer than she should of before shutting the door. _Oh, why did I have to send that telegram?_ She leaned her head against the door and waited for her heart to stop racing.

"Mother, can I go wake the girls?" Cassie asked quietly and cautiously not wanting to bother her.

"Of course." Maggie turned to see the worried look on Cassie's face.

"We're up." Emily said running down the stair with Katie close behind.

"Don't run in the house girls, you know better than that." Maggie reprimand shaking aside her mixed emotions.

"Sorry." She smiled sheepishly. "Jay is comin' over today to play." She continued excitedly.

"What?" Maggie questioned.

"Didn't Daddy tell you?" Emily asked.

"He was in somewhat of a hurry, he must of forgot." Maggie ran her hand over her eyes.

"Don't worry, we won't be any trouble." Emily said sweetly. "He's here!" She ran out of the house to meet her friend. A moment later the wagon pulled out and Emily brought Jay back to meet the others. "This is my friend, Jonathon, but we all call him Jay. Jay, this is Mrs. McCoy and Cassie."

"Hello. It's nice to meet you." Maggie smiled.

"Hi, umm, you too." Jay returned awkwardly.

"Come on." Emily grabbed his hand and nearly dragged him out the barn. After talking about Flash for sometime, the subject turned to the guests in the house.

* * *

"They seem kinda uppity, you know." Jay said scrunching his nose.

"That's what I thought at first, but their really not bad. Especially Cassie, she is a lot of fun." Emily explained.

"Maybe but I would hate to have to stay with them all the time." Jay sat down in the hay loft across from his friend.

"I miss going out with Daddy but it hasn't been all bad. Actually Mrs. McCoy can be fun when she just acts like herself and stops worrying about what's proper." Emily rolled her eyes.

"You wanna go fishin'" Jay asked changing the subject.

"Can't, We aren't allowed to leave the yard without an adult and I know she won't take us fishin'" Emily sighed.

"We could try, I can be real persuasive." He smiled. Jay was ten, dark brown hair and bright blue eyes, with a smile that could get him anything he wanted not to mention he was good at talking his way into things and out of things.

"Why not?" Emily giggled. "But your asking." She gave him a playful shove as she stood up. The ran to the house and found Maggie sitting in the living room enjoying one of Adam's books.

"Mrs. McCoy." Jay smiled.  
"Yes." She looked up at him and immediately knew something was up.

"Me and Emmy were talkin' and well Mr. Cartwright likes fish a whole lot. He would just love to have a nice fresh fish for dinner, and well we were thinkin' that we could go and catch some for him to save him the trouble that is. But we aren't allowed to leave the yard without an adult. It's a beautiful day and it seems like a waste to spend in the house when you could take a blanket, lay out in the sun, and read your book. Besides it would keep all us kids out of your hair if we were fishin'." Jay finished with his best smile.

"Well, I must say you really thought that through." Maggie chuckled at his effort.

"So is that a yes." He asked hopefully.

"I don't see why not." She smiled at him.

"Yes!" Jay jumped in excitement. "I mean, thanks." He laughed nervously.

"Your welcome." She shook her head and headed into the kitchen to prepare a snack.

The afternoon relaxing with a book in the sun was just what Maggie needed. Jay and Emily fished and Cassie played with Katie keeping her out of the serious fishers' way. The kids managed to catch three good size fish before they decided that swimming would be more fun. The rest of the afternoon the four of them played in the creek. Maggie watched for a while and then took a walk, keeping the children in view. _This is the very life I always dreamed of having, right here in front of me, but it isn't mine. I am just on the outside looking in hoping and wishing. Taking care of my little house, spending the days with my sons and daughters, and waiting for the evening when my husband comes home, a true family, built on love. Love is what every little girl dreams of, but few get the real thing. I did, but now that chance is gone, Will is gone. I hope my daughter gets a chance to have this life, this perfect life._

* * *

Adam road along side his father, it was beginning to seem like the day would never end. "What are you thinking, son?" Ben asked his eldest.

"Nothing." Adam said nonchalantly, he had no desire to share the many thoughts running through his mind. Thoughts of Sarah and his girls, thoughts of Margaret McCoy and Cassie, thoughts of past and future, but more than that thoughts of the present.

"Sometimes it helps just to talk it out." Ben said quietly wishing Adam would open up.

"It may help you, Pa, and it may help little Joe or Hoss but it doesn't help me." Adam bristled. Ben saw his son tense and knew he had built up his barrier and there would be no chance getting him to talk now. He had built that barrier since he was a child and it was so strong that nothing seemed to penetrate it, except Sarah. Sarah had walked right through that barrier as though it had been an open door. Through the years, Ben had seen parts of that wall crumble but when Sarah died, the wall was rebuilt with even more defenses. Ben worried that he would never let anyone in again.

"I know that look." Adam broke into his father's thoughts. Ben looked at him questioningly. "Your worried about me, but there's no need. I was just thinking about what I will do with the girls when Maggie leaves." He gave in a little.

"She promised to stay until school starts, didn't she?" Ben asked relief flooding him as a tiny piece of his barrier fell to the ground.

"Yes, but I am going to have to stay later to get the girls ready for school and then come home early so they won't be at home by themselves. Working on a ranch, those hours will never work." Adam said defeated.

"Well, your just lucky that you have a very understanding supervisor who knows that family comes first." Ben smiled at his son.

"I know you mean well, Pa, but you always taught us growing up that our job on the ranch wasn't a free ride because your our father. We had to work at it just as hard as anyone else. I will not take a free ride." Adam said with the pride of a Cartwright. Ben knew his son was right in some aspects, he was just trying to help because he understood how difficult it was for Adam, for any man in his position.

"Your right." Ben gave in and then a thought came to him. "After school the girls could come to my house, Hop Sing is always there and I know he wouldn't mind."

"Your forgetting something, remember Hop Sing has already said he will not baby sit or he'll go back to China." Adam had to chuckle at the last statement knowing Hop Sing would never leave.

"Maybe so, but Emily is plenty old enough to take care of Katie, responsible enough too. But at least if they were at the house with Hop Sing there would be an adult there in case anything were to happen." Ben explained.

"I guess that would work. We'll just have to see, maybe Maggie won't leave after all." Adam said and then caught himself._ Why did I have to bring her up?_

"Do you want her to leave, Adam?" Ben asked hoping it wouldn't push his son farther away.

"If she wants to stay than it would be a great help to me and would be nice for the girls. If she wants to leave we can go on without her just like before. Her presence here is by her choice only." Adam said firmly not wanting to leave any room for his father to conjure up silly ideas about their relationship. Ben wondered how much of that Adam had really meant but decided it was best to drop the subject completely. Adam pondered what he had told his father, the statement had come with little conviction, it had almost been difficult to say that Maggie didn't matter. Maybe somewhere down deep inside, she did matter to him, but that was a locked box that would take a very long time to open. Only he would decide when that time might come, only he would hold the key to his heart.

* * *

"Emmy, you guys are coming to the picnic after church on Sunday, right?" Jay asked as they walked home.

"I think so." Emily shrugged not really knowing what her fathers plans were anymore. When her mother was alive there would have been no doubt that they would be there, she loved spending time with people.

"You hafta come." Jay pleaded as though she had a say. "You too, Cassie." He turned back to the new girl, Emily had been right she was kind of fun.

"Can we, mother?" She asked hopefully.

"We'll have to see." Maggie smiled not wanting to promise anything she might not be able to keep.

"There's gonna be a three-legged race," Jay looked at Emily. They had entered every three-legged race the town had since they were old enough, they were the champions. "and the town horse race." He finished.

"I bet Flash could win that race." Katie piped in, feeling a little left out.

"Ahh, don't be silly Katie, little girls aren't allowed to horse race." Jay rolled his eyes, Emily hauled off and punched him in the arm. "Oww, hey what was that for."  
"I am not a little girl, Jonathan Staley. I bet I could do better than you in that race." She challenged.

"Calm down, Ems. I didn't mean anything by that except that they would never allow you to race or me for that matter. And there is no way you could beat me, Stetson was built for racing." Jay retorted.

"I don't know about that. Besides, if you were betting would you bet for a horse that was named Flash after her speed, or Stetson after a hat?" Emily giggled and the other girls agreed with her.

"Fine, I'll race ya and than we'll see who's horse is faster." Jay gave in.

"But it has to be a real race like at the picnic on Sunday with judges and stuff." Emily said wanting witnesses of her beating Jay.

"I told you they will never let us race." Jay rubbed his hand down his face in frustration, _Girls are impossible._

"Not against adults, but what if we convinced them to have a kid race?" Emily brightened at the thought.

"Your dad will never let you race and you know it." Jay shook his head.

"You leave that up to me. I'll see if my Daddy could meet you in town tomorrow so we can talk to them." She said with confidence.

"Talk to who?" Jay asked.

"I don't know, whoever you talk to about that stuff." Emily shrugged. After they got back to the house, the kids played in the barn until Jay got picked up. Then Emily nervously waited for her father to get home trying to think of the best way to ask him.

* * *

"Hello," Adam opened the door but nobody seemed to be around. "Anybody home?" He called again. In the kitchen Maggie was encouraging Emily to go out and talk to him.

"Go on, now is the perfect time. You'll have him all to yourself." Maggie gave her a little push towards the door. Cassie and Katie had gone to pick berries behind the barn and Emily knew she was right this would be the best time. So, she pushed open the door, it swung back and smacked Adam in the face as he had been about to open it.

"Daddy!" Emily squealed. Adam grabbed his nose as the blood started to pour out of it, Maggie quickly grabbed him and towel and coming out of the kitchen as well handed it to him. She guided him over to a chair and sat him down. "Daddy, are you okay?" Emily was near tears.

"It will be fine, Emmy." Maggie comforted pulling her into a hug, Emily buried her face in Maggie's shirt not wanting to look at her father. Adam sat quietly until the flow of blood stopped and then excused himself to go clean up. When he returned Emily was still hugging Maggie tightly and trying not to cry. "Here sit down, let me take a look." Maggie carefully touched Adam's nose.

"It's fine." He waved her hand away, extremely uncomfortable with this caring side of her.

"Let me check." She pushed his hand down and gently touched his face feeling for tender spots. "It doesn't appear to be broken, it should be fine." Maggie said as though she knew more about it than she really did.

"I told you." Adam was notably perturbed.

"I didn't do it for your sake." Maggie said glancing back at Emily, who had calmed down some since she knew she had not broken her father's nose. Maggie looked back at Adam pointedly and he nodded.

"Come here, Ems." He reached out and she quickly went to his outstretched arms.

"I'm sorry, Daddy." She said in a quiet almost inaudible voice.

"It's perfectly fine, it was an accident." Adam pushed her hair back from her face and lifted her chin. "I'm fine, noses can just be over dramatic that's all." Adam chuckled getting a smile from his daughter.

"Emily had something she wanted to ask you." Maggie said nodding towards her for encouragement. Emily had forgotten about that and now she didn't know if it was the best time but there was no going back now.

"What is it?" Adam asked.

"Well, Jay was talking about the picnic on Sunday and I was wondering if we were gonna go?" She decided to start with the basics.

"I don't see why not, don't we always go?" Adam said knowing there was more to this than that.

"Not since..." Emily trailed off, it had not been her intention to bring her mother into this. "Not for a while." She changed her approach.

"Oh, yes." Adam nodded knowing exactly what she meant. "I guess it has been a little while since we've gone. I don't see why we couldn't go to this one." He smiled. When the other picnics had been mentioned Adam hadn't felt like being around a lot of people, he didn't want to answer questions or take people's sympathy. But now the thought of enjoying a Sunday afternoon with his family sounded very nice.

"Good." Emily smiled back and then the smiled disappeared and she seemed quite focused on something.

"What else?" Adam asked knowing his daughter all to well.

"Well, Daddy, you know I've been riding Flash a lot this summer and I've gotten really good at handling her." She stopped and waiting for him to acknowledge it.

"Yes, I know." He nodded and waited for her to continue.

"See, Jay says that his horse is faster and that he could beat me in a race. I know Flash could win because she is really fast and I can handle her really well, and if I just had a chance, I know we could beat him. But see the horse race at the picnic, they won't let kids ride. But we were thinking that maybe if they had a kid's race that even more people could get involved and then I would have a chance to show Jay that Flash could beat him, and it would be so much fun Daddy and I would be really careful." Emily finished out of breath as it had all tumbled out faster than she had meant it too. She waited in suspense.

"Emily, I know that this is important to you but I can't let you race..." Adam said and Emily cut him off.

"But Daddy..." She was stopped by his raised hand.

"It's to dangerous and you are inexperienced when it comes to racing. I'm sorry." He set her down and stood up letting her know that was the end of the discussion, he started to walk towards the door.

"Mama would have let me go." Emily said and then covered her mouth realizing she should not have said that. Adam stopped, but he did not turn around to look at her.

"That's enough, Emily. I don't want another word about it, is that understood?" He said sternly.

"Yes, sir." Her voice barely squeaked out and as soon as he was out the door, she ran up to her room. Maggie followed Adam knowing it was probably not her place but she had to have her say.

"Adam." She called after him as she stepped out the door. He stopped and halfway turned to her.

"I've made up my mind, don't waste your breath." He shot the words at her like this was all her fault.

"Adam, stop that." She walked over to him trying to keep her voice calm and even. "This is not my fault." She looked him in the eye.

"Than whose fault is it?" He asked his fiery eyes finally meeting hers. She wanted so much to say that it was his but that would be out of spite, the truth was it was nobody's fault.

"No ones." She said quietly. "She is a young girl who believes she can take on the world, she believes she can do anything and that is nobody's fault except maybe Sarah's." His eyes immediately showed his anger at that statement and she decided to explain before he took it wrong. "I mean Sarah allowed her daughters to believe that they could be anything they wanted to, between the both of you, you taught them to be strong and confident but not arrogant. Though Emily might need to work on that some." She laughed nervously trying to lighten the mood when Adam didn't soften. "My point is only that she is still young with the whole world in front of her, don't take it that away from her just because your scared." She finished shocked at herself for being so bold and realizing that she probably overstepped her bounds.

"She is my daughter not yours. Horse racing is dangerous, would you let Cassie race if she wanted too?" He asked turning it around on her.

"I, umm...no, but that is different." She defended.

"Why?" Adam asked forcefully.

"Because Cassie has no experience. She doesn't even know how to ride a horse. Emily can and as far as I have heard, she is very good at it." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.

"Why is this so important to you?" He questioned.

"Because Emily has become important to me." She said realizing the truth of her statement as she spoke it. She put her hand on Adam's crossed arms and spoke softly. "I do not mean to interfere and I know it is not my place but take into consideration how Emily feels about this and how much it means to her. She is so much like you Adam." She finished carefully searching his eyes for any sign of understanding. Adam sighed and then his expression turned hard.

"Your right, you have no right to interfere." Adam turned and walked away into the barn.

Maggie bit her lip, _Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut?_ She thought as she blinked back tears.

A little before dinner, Adam went up to to Emily's room to talk to her. She had not come down since he told her that she could not race. He knocked gently but there was no answer, so he cracked the door open and peaked in. "Can I come in?" He asked when he saw her sitting on her bed.

"Yes." Came her sad reply. Adam walked in and sat down next to her.

"Are you pouting?" He asked with a hint of humor in his voice.

"I guess so." She answered quietly.

"You know I never have given you what you wanted because you pouted." He said resting his hand on her thigh and giving it a little squeeze.

"No, but it doesn't matter because I'm not gonna get it anyways." She said still not looking up at him.

"So your just going to sulk because you didn't get what you wanted? I didn't think we raised you to be so snoody." He pointed out.

"I'm not snoody." She defended.

"Then stop pouting and let's talk." He said lifting her chin with his index finger. "I'll hear your side then I'll tell you mine. Go ahead."

"I just really want to race, to show Jay that Flash is the fastest horse, and because it would be so much fun especially up against a bunch of other people." She did not know what else to say.

"And so you can have bragging rights." Adam added knowing that is exactly what she would do if she won.

"I won't brag, I promise. I just want to see if I could really beat him." She pleaded softly knowing it was a pointless argument.

"All right, my point of view is that your my little girl and racing is very dangerous. I would not allow you to purposely put yourself in danger, I love you to much for that. I realize that you really want to race but I just can't bring myself to allow it." He said apologetically.

"They can make it an easy course for kids and I would be very careful. Daddy, remember how Grandpa thought it was to dangerous to take us on the cattle drive but you asked him to trust you? Will you trust me?" She pleaded.

"That was different, I didn't have any other choice but to bring you girls along." Adam defended himself.

"But you did, you could have stayed home with us. But you didn't because you felt like you had to go, like you needed to prove that you could do it. Daddy, I just need to prove that I can do it." Emily finished feeling like she had made a good argument. Adam sat thoughtfully for a moment, he hated to admit it but she had a good point.

"Who taught you how to argue?" Adam smiled and tussled her hair.

"No one, I just learned from listening to you." She smiled sweetly.

"You'll be careful?" He asked seriously. Emily looked at him to see if he really meant it, there was no joking on his face just concern.

"Yes, I'll be careful." She said cautiously not wanting to say anything to make him change his mind. "Can I really race, Daddy?"

"Well, first we have to make sure they'll start a kids race but if they will than I guess I won't object." He sighed, giving in.

"I told Jay we'd meet him and his dad in town tomorrow." She gave a little nervous laugh, Adam rolled his eyes. She had always known he would give in.

"And what time did you say we'd be there?"Adam asked amused.

"Uhhh...I think I forgot that part." She smiled and shrugged.

"Mhmm, well we can head out after I get back tomorrow and stop by there place on the way." He tapped her cheek.

"Thank you!" She jumped up and hugged him around the neck. Adam held her close hoping that this wasn't a horrible mistake.

"Tomorrow, I think you should thank Mrs. McCoy for pleading your case, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have even considered it." He winked at her and then left to go prepare dinner.

* * *

The next morning Emily was up early, Cassie had gone to try and wake Katie up and she decided it was as good a time as any to talk to Maggie.

"Mrs. McCoy." She said softly as she sat down on the couch next to her, Maggie opened her eyes and looked down at the little girl next to her.

"Yes?" She questioned.

"I, I uhh." Emily bit her lip. "I just wanted to say 'thanks' for talking to my dad." She finished feeling very uncomfortable, Maggie smiled.

"I don't understand, when I left he seemed dead set on you not racing." Her brow furrowed in confusion.

"We talked and he finally said I could, he said I should thank you because he never would have considered it if it hadn't been for you." Emily explained.

"Well, your welcome. I'm glad it helped." She smiled still not understanding what had changed.

"Mrs. McCoy?" She asked.

"Maggie, please just call me, Maggie." She smiled sweetly at the girl who had won her heart.

"Do you know anything about love?" She asked feeling ridiculous.

"Yes, why do you ask." Maggie looked a little concerned by the question.

"I'm writing a paper for my daddy on love. I've asked a lot of different people and gotten a lot of different answers. I was just asking cuz I think I'm starting to love you." She finished quietly unsure of how Maggie would react. She smiled.

"Well, what would you like to know?" Maggie asked still somewhat surprised.

"Well, some people you just have always loved since before you can remember and some people are real easy to love almost from the moment that you meet them, and then there are some who it takes longer and one day you just realize that your starting to love that person. But it doesn't happen like other times, it's slower and almost like you don't know it's happening. Can love do that?" Emily asked not knowing if she had made any sense or if she had just sounded stupid.

"Yes." Maggie chuckled. "Love can grow. I guess I have not been that easy to love have I?"

"No, I mean kinda, but it was my fault because I didn't want to like you, but then it just kinda happened without me evening knowing it." She explained as best as she could.

"That is just fine. Emily, sometimes it is hard to let your guard down and love someone again especially after you have been hurt. But you are strong and you will always learn to love again no matter what you might go through in your life because you have a very big heart." Maggie smiled at her, the biggest smile she had ever seen. "I have grown to love you to Emmy." She said and pulled the girl into an embrace.

**Thank you for all the kind reviews and encouragement! You all make me love writing this story.**


	13. Maybe a Cartwright? Maybe not?

Just a little warning there is talk of and a light spanking in this chapter.

* * *

"How was your day?" Adam said quietly when he arrived home that evening.

"Fine." Maggie said rather shortly, never looking at him. He knew she was still upset with him and probably with good cause.

"Emily and I will be going to town in a little bit to talk to them about starting a race for the younger ones." He said simply, if it had been one of his brothers they would have known that this was an apology but to Maggie it was nothing of the sort.

"I see." She said and walked into the kitchen to finish dinner. Adam should have been getting the girls ready to go, but he felt responsible to make amends with Maggie. So, he followed her into the kitchen.

"Listen, I know I was short with you yesterday, but what I do with my daughter is my business." Adam said trying to keep the irritation out of his voice, she was going to make this harder than he expected.

"Adam, I respect your decisions when it comes to the girls but I thought you were making a rather hasty choice and just wanted you to take a little more into consideration than your own fears. I was not trying to interfere." Maggie said softly, the latter coming out sounding like more of an apology than either of them expected. Adam watched her for a moment in thought, she ignored him and went back to her preparations.  
"I'm...I'm sorry." The words were forced and quiet but honest, Adam took a deep breath before he continued. "After Emily and I talked, I decided that she needed to do this, but I guess you already knew that." Adam pointed out, feeling like she was starting to know his daughter better than he did.

"Your forgiven. And just call it a 'mother's intuition'." Maggie smiled at him. Adam's eyes grew dark thinking that she considered herself their mother, Maggie took note of the quick change in attitude much like Emily tended to do. "I did not mean it like that, I just meant that I am a mother and I tend to notice different thing than you as their father would."

"Maggie, I...I need to say 'thank you' for all that you have done here this summer...with the girls, and working so hard to get along and even change the ways your used to." Adam stumbled somewhat and was kicking himself for being so awkward. He always prided himself on being articulate but when it came to Maggie, he felt like he always sounded like a schoolboy that could not think of what to say to girl he liked. He could only remember ever struggling like that with Sarah, though she had been a lot easier to talk to. Before they were married, she barely would disagree unless it was something she felt strongly about and even afterwards when they argued she would just walk away before it got out of hand, then they would work things out later.

"Adam, Adam?" Maggie waved her hand a little to get his attention. He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her. "You didn't hear a thing I said, did you?" She smiled.

"Uhh, no...no, I didn't." He admitted and returned her smile. She watched him for a moment, admiring his features and how handsome he was when he smile.

"Never mind, it wasn't that important, just something about how glad I am that I took this job and something about how nice it was of you to offer but it doesn't really matter." She shrugged and turned away from him to put the chopped vegetables in her pot of stew. Adam watched her for a second before he chuckled.

"You must have been a handful as a child." Adam joked, she turned back to him with a mischievous grin.

"Oh, no, never. I was never the one to put salt in the sugar bowl or hang my mother's underwear from the balcony of our townhouse and I definitely never would have drawn pictures all over my father's banking paper work. I was the perfect little angel." Maggie said as seriously as she could manage.

"Yes, I can see that." He winked. "You know if I had been caught pulling any of those stunts growing up, I would have had a very sore backside, seems you got off rather easy though."

"What makes you say that?" She asked having a hard time imagining Adam ever being a child none the less ever getting in trouble.

"Well, you don't believe in disciplining your daughter, so I just assumed that meant you had never been spanked." Adam shrugged still trying to figure Maggie out.

"I never said that I don't believe in discipline. I was just upset that you disciplined my daughter especially without my permission. And I found my way over my father's knee more times than I can remember and I felt my mother's wooden spoon a good many times before she left." Maggie said defensively and then blushed, it was rather embarrassing sharing that with him and she was not sure why she had done that. Now she wished she hadn't.

"So you were a trouble maker, probably a lot like Joe, he always found trouble, still does." Adam chuckled. "Me, on the other, well trouble found me and was usually caused by one of my brothers." Adam shook his head remembering the many times he had gotten in trouble because of those two.

"Really, and who can you blame for the several years before they were born." She teased.

"A number of things, but most of the time it was just all a misunderstanding." Adam answered with as much sincerity as he could muster.

"You big liar, I bet you were just as bad as Joe." She gave him a playful shove and leaned back on the counter facing him, he stood only a couple feet in front of her now and she began to wonder what it would be like in his arms.

"Actually, in all honesty, I stayed out of trouble for the most part though I did have my share of trips to the barn." Adam shared making Maggie feel less uncomfortable. "Why don't you take a seat and I'll finish up." He nodded towards the stew and gently pulled the spoon away from her, she obliged and did as he said. Maggie watched him work, letting her thoughts wander to how life would be if she stayed here and married Adam Cartwright.

* * *

Katie rode on her fathers shoulders as they made their way back to the boarding house. Maggie and Cassie had ended up staying for dinner and they had all gone into town together. Adam had spoken to a couple of the leaders who put the picnic together and one of the men thought it was a great idea and his son would love it. So, he decided to take it on himself to prepare and advertise. Now, they were all walking to the boarding house where they would say goodbye to Maggie and Cassie for the night.

"I'll see you two bright and early." Maggie smiled at the girls, giving them each a hug. "Goodnight, Adam." She said softly.

"Goodnight." He said and before he realized what he was doing, he lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed it. The girls all gawked at this, Maggie just smiled larger and tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach. Adam took each of his daughter's hands and turned to leave. No one said anything about it, but Katie hoped that meant they would stay and that she would have another mother and sister. Emily didn't know how she felt about it, she liked them a lot but she was not ready to share her family with them or let Maggie replace her mother.

* * *

"Where is Emily?" Maggie asked the next morning, she had been expecting the girl to talk her ear off about the race as soon as they had gotten to the house, but she had yet to be seen. Cassie and Katie just shrugged and continued eating there breakfast. Maggie headed to the stairs to check upstairs.

"She isn't up there, I checked." Cassie said from the table. Maggie glanced up the stairs and then turned back, she set her hands on her hips and tried to decide where to look. First, she decided to head out to the barn.

"Emily." She called as she entered. No response. "Emily, are you in here? Answer me." She said a little more forcefully as she began to get worried. Then she heard a very faint sniffle and rustle from hay loft above. "Emily, what are you doing? It is time for breakfast."

"I don't want any breakfast." Emmy squeaked just loud enough for Maggie to make out what she said.

"Why not?" She asked wondering if she was upset and her father kissing her hand the night before.

"I don't want to." She answered in the same manner as before.

"Come down from there right now, and talk to me." She sounded much less forceful than the words implied. Emily didn't answer. "Young lady, don't ignore me." She said her voice showing more of her frustration. Emily sat in the loft leaning on a bail of hay, she tensed a little when she had called her 'young lady' that was always what her father said when they were crossing the line, but she relaxed realizing it was just Maggie.

"I am not coming up there. You had better be down here before I count to five." She huffed trying to think of something to get her to come down, then she remembered the uncomfortable conversation between her and Adam the night before. "If I have to come up there, I am going to take you over my knee." She had hoped the threat would sound more, well, threatening but it hadn't. Emily sat there mulling over her options, but there was no way she was coming down ever, and there was no way Maggie would ever climb that ladder, and there was definitely no way that she would ever truly spank her, right?

Maggie began to count and for a moment Emily decided it would be better to go down than to test her, but then she thought about how Cassie had said the few times she had punished her never really hurt that much, and decided it was better to chance it. She held her breath when Maggie got to five and waited for the sound of someone climbing the ladder, to her surprise it came. Emily suddenly got nervous, maybe she would keep her promise, but there was no where else to go so she stayed put. Maggie took a long time to make it to the top, struggling to keep her dress out from under her feet. When she made it, she stopped in shock at the sight of Emily.

"What did you do to your hair?" She asked and made her way over to sit by her.

"You won't tell Daddy, will you?" Emily pleaded on the verge of tears.

"I don't think I will have to, Emmy, he is going to notice." Maggie said gently. "What happened?"

"I just wanted to look pretty." She said and buried her face in her legs.

"What are you talking about? Emily, you are already beautiful." Maggie set her hand on the girls shoulder.

"No, your pretty, and so is Cassie and Katie. You all have curly hair, I just wanted to have curly hair so I would be pretty too." Emily explained but kept her head down, Maggie couldn't help but smile and was glad that Emily wasn't watching. She was also quite relieved that it didn't have anything to do with her and Adam.

"Look at me." Maggie said gently yet firmly. Emily looked up at her wiping away a few stray tears. "I have heard on several occasions that you look just like your mama, and I have also heard that she was very beautiful. Is that true?"

"Yes, she was the prettiest lady ever." Emily furtively agreed.

"If you look just like her, than why do you think that you need curly hair to make you pretty?" Maggie asked and saw the light flicker on, Emmy smiled sheepishly. "Now how did you manage this?" Maggie asked pointed to her hair. There were a few places that curled nicely but some had been kept in to long and were fried, others had burnt completely and had broken off.

"I guess I didn't really know how to do it, but some wouldn't curl so I thought if I left it in longer than maybe it would work. It didn't look very good, so I brushed it and some of the curls fell out, and now I really look ugly." Emily pouted.

"Oh, stop that, you do not. Besides, there is no damage that a little hair cut would not help." She smiled.

"Really could you fix it?" She asked excitedly.

"Yes, of course." Maggie laughed.

"Will it be like normal, so Daddy won't notice?" Emily hoped.

"I'm not a miracle worker, I will have to at least take an inch and a half off, I think he will notice that." She sympathized with her.

"Oh, I don't think he is gonna be very happy." Emily sighed.

"Let me talk to him first, I'll tell him how it happened and that it was an accident. It will be fine." She offered and Emily pulled herself onto her knees and hugged Maggie around the neck. Maggie held her close not rushing a thing, she could have stayed sitting there with Emily in her arms all day. But she still had one detail to take care of. Emily finally pulled back, and Maggie pulled herself up onto the hay bail, gently holding onto Emily's wrist. "Emily, what did I tell you I would do if I had to come up here?" Maggie asked. Emily's eyes grew large and her heart sped up, she had thought that Maggie had forgotten. Maggie waited patiently.

"I'm really sorry, please Maggie, don't. I won't do it again." She begged trying to change her mind.

"Emily, answer me." She said more firmly. Emily wanted to pull away and escape the barn before Maggie could catch her but knew her father would really have her hide for that, so she gave in.

"You said that you would spank me." She said softly staring at her feet.

"Yes, and why did I say that?" Maggie asked wanting to make sure she knew why she was being punished.

"Because I didn't obey you." Emily answered her voice cracking, she wasn't scared of being punished especially by Maggie but the thought of being in trouble with her broke her heart.

"Emily, I don't want to do this, but you have to learn to obey me just like you would your father." Maggie said softly knowing Adam wouldn't put up with disobedience. When Emily didn't say anything else, Maggie carefully guided her over her lap. Emily suddenly wished she had gotten dressed that morning, her nightgown was thin and provided little protection. Maggie hesitated and then began, she quickly delivered five firm swats, and as quickly as it began it was over. Maggie pulled Emily up into her arms and held her, Emily cried for a little while into Maggie's shoulder and just let her hold her. Cassie had been right, it hadn't really hurt that much, not like her father's that she could feel most of the day and made sitting uncomfortable. Though she still felt the sting now, she knew it wouldn't take long for it to disappear.

After Emily had dried up her tears, she didn't make any move to leave the comfort of Maggie's arms. She pulled her head away from her shoulder so she could see her face. "I'm sorry." She said this time for real and buried her head in Maggie's shoulder again.

"It's all over, Emmy. Your forgiven." Maggie comforted and gently rubbed her back. Emily smiled at how similar the things she did and said were to her father.

"Maggie, I love you." Emily said as she hugged her tighter.

"I love you too, Emmy." Maggie squeezed her, deciding right then that this was definitely where Cassie and her belonged.

As Maggie cut Emily's hair, Emily couldn't help but smile. She knew something had changed between her and Maggie, like somehow when Maggie disciplined her, she became more of a mother than a babysitter. Whatever it was, she liked the difference.

* * *

"Adam, can I talk to you for a second?" Maggie asked nervously, she really hoped he did not feel like she was interfering again. Adam continued to unsaddle his horse.

"Go ahead." He said making brief eye contact with her, then focusing on the task at hand.

"It is about Emily." She began and Adam stopped what he was doing to give his full attention. Maggie could not help but admire his dedication to his daughters. "Well, she tried to curl her hair this morning and it kind of went wrong." Maggie gave a sympathetic smile.

"What do you mean?"Adam asked not understanding the problem.

"She managed to burn pieces of her hair, some to the point of breaking off." Adam's eyes grew wide at this point. "I had to cut her hair to make it even again." Maggie added quickly.

"You cut her hair?" Adam asked but not angrily, his tone was even and made it very hard to read his emotions.

"Yes, I did. Only as much as was needed, it did turn out rather nice." Maggie offered. Adam ran his hand down his face.

"What made her go and try a thing like that?" Adam asked solemnly.

"She wanted to be like the rest of us, she said she wanted to be pretty. Adam, I should also tell you that I disciplined Emily today for disobeying me." She could not look up at Adam, but quickly began to give her reasoning. "I gave her plenty of chances but she just did not give me a choice, I..." Adam took a couple steps closer and put his hand on her shoulder.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, I trust you." Adam smiled at her and had to keep himself from laughing at how nervous she was. Maggie could barely speak, she stared at Adam wishing with all her heart that he would pull her into his arms and hold her but he didn't. They stood there for a moment, neither saying a word, finally Adam slid his hand down her arm and gave it a quick squeeze. "There is a storm rolling in, I think it would wise for you to head out soon, we'll take care of dinner." He offered turning back to his work on cooling down the horse.

"Oh, there's no need for that, I am just going to go finish that up now, we should make it back before the storm hits." Maggie argued. Adam turned back to her with a smirk on his face.

"I'm not willing to take that chance. Go find Cassie and I'll hitch up the buggy for you." He said firmly.

"How did Sarah put up with you, you are such a stubborn, hard-headed..." She huffed and was cut off by Adam.

"Gentleman." He smiled at her. "Remember I am the one hooking up your buggy and trying to keep you out of the rain." He pointed out, Maggie rolled her eyes clearly irritated with being told what to do.

"Adam..." She started to argue more and then something changed her mind. "Thank you, I will go prepare the girls for our trip." She smiled coyly and turned to walk away.

"Our trip?" Adam questioned.

"Yes, I mean a true gentleman would escort a lady home, is that not right?" She said as seriously as she could.

"Go get the girls." Adam sighed, giving in. "Whose stubborn and hard-headed?" He asked the rhetorical question, shaking his head. She laughed and left the barn, Adam turned to saddle Emily's horse. A moment later, Cassie came into the barn, she walked over to Adam and sat down on a stool to watch him.

"How was your day?" He asked smiling at the pretty, young girl.

"Fine, can I help?" She asked eager to do something that would please Adam. Adam thought for a moment, there was really nothing that she knew how to do but he couldn't refuse the offer.

"Why don't you sit in the saddle for me, so that I can make sure it'll be just right for Emily?" He said hoping that would be enough, Cassie nodded and stood beside him. Horses made her very nervous but she would not tell him that, he would think she was stupid. She stood awkwardly not really sure how to mount a horse, but Adam saved her from asking when he reached down and lifted her onto the horse. Adam pretended to check the stirrups and other random parts of the saddle, to make her feel useful. He watched her reaction, he could tell she was very nervous and Flash began get uncomfortable with his inexperienced rider, the horse did an irritated little dance and Cassie grabbed onto the horn of the saddle as tight as she could and shut her eyes, doing her best not to scream. Adam reached up and pulled her off, but when he tried to set her on the ground she clung on around his neck. Adam sat down on the stool and rubbed her back gently, he looked up to see Emily and Katie walking into the barn. He waved them to go out, and they took the hint and left. "It isn't wrong to be afraid." He said softly.

"It's not?" She questioned.

"No, as long as you try something and don't let your fear control you. You did a very good job." Adam encouraged her, pulling her away to sit on his knee.

"Thank you." She leaned her head against his chest. "I wish you were my daddy." She said cuddling closer to him. He squeezed her gently, but didn't know how to respond, so he didn't.

"We need to get you and your mother home before the rain hits, come on let's go meet the others." He said standing her up and taking her hand. "Would you like to try riding with Emily?"

"Not today, I think I have had enough of horses today." She smiled sheepishly.

Adam chuckled and then lifted her into the buggy, he took Maggie's hand and helped her in. Then he helped Katie onto Flash behind Emily, after tying his horse to the back of the buggy, he climbed in and took the reigns.

When they pulled up to the boarding house, Adam helped Maggie out and the gave a slight bow. "Have a good night, Madam." She laughed at how perfectly he had played the role.

"Good night, kind sir." She smiled back at him. Then he turned and help Cassie out, she hugged him around the waist and when she pulled away, Adam squatted down to her level. "How would you like to come stay the night tomorrow night, if it's alright with your mother." They both glanced up at Maggie, she nodded.

"I would love to!" She smiled and gave him another quick hug. Adam leaned toward her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Goodnight." He smiled.

"Goodnight." She called back as he mounted his horse. "Daddy." She finished under her breath. The girls hugged goodbye, and then Maggie helped Katie onto Adam's horse, and the three rode away.

Maggie took her daughter's hand and they walked together into the boarding house, Maggie felt like she was walking on clouds, her life couldn't get any better.

"Mrs. McCoy, another telegram." The front desk clerk interrupted her happy moment, the clouds seemed to fade out from under her and she was quickly brought back to earth. "Some one must really miss you, can't say I've ever had so many telegrams for the same person in such a short time." He talked on as he handed the paper to her but she didn't hear anything else.

"Cassie, you can go to dinner, I will join you in a moment." Maggie said her voice wavering slightly.

"I'll wait for you, Mama." Cassie said quietly, she didn't know why she had picked that moment to call her Mama again, she hadn't since Richard had slapped her across the face for calling her that. He had told her several times that she was to address her as mother because it was proper and respectful but she had kept forgetting.

"I don't think I will eat tonight, go on now." She said softer than before, her eyes pleading with her to obey, Cassie gave in and headed for the dining room. Maggie quickly made her way up to her room and closed the door behind her, she sat on the bed holding the paper and staring at it, dreading what it's contents held.

_Maggie. I will not nor can I wait any longer for your decision. If I do not receive word that you are coming alone by the end of the week. Our deal is off. Now are you going to keep your promise to me or will you be just like your mother and father. Richard._

The last sentence was like a slap in the face and Maggie put her hand over her mouth to muffle the cry that escaped. She let the note fall to the floor and wept bitterly, she pulled herself all the way onto the bed and cried, heart-wrenching sobs. _Everything had been so perfect, why did it have to end. _She thought angrily, hot tears sliding down her face. _It doesn't have to, he said that if I don't answer him then the deal is off. I could forget all about him and move on with life here, with Emily, Katie, and Adam. _The idea felt wonderful and for a moment she was tempted to give into it, but that moment ended when the last sentence played out in her mind again. He had been referring to how her mother had just up and left, breaking her vow to Maggie's father, and how her father had promised Maggie to him but she had refused and married Will. It had not truly been her father breaking the promise but Richard had always held it against him. _I did make a deal with him but that was before he made such impossible conditions. _The two of them had decided, after Will died, that in turn for Maggie marrying Richard he would take on her father's company and keep it in his name. Since her father did not have any sons she wanting something to carry on his legacy and being desperate not to have the business stolen out from under her agreed to this because she thought she would never love again. Then he told her that he would not have another man's daughter in his house, and have to take care of her and raise her, he said she would have to be given to a relative or put in an orphanage. After arguing for weeks on this condition, Maggie had left, and ended up here the only other place she thought she could go and be welcome.

_Cassie loves it here, she thinks no one heard, but I heard what she called Adam. But I have to go back and I have to go back now, I don't have any other choice. But Richard will never take Cassie, he will never agree to it. _Maggie laid on the bed in deep thought, the decision she was having to make seemed impossible, either way her heart was going to be broken, again.

* * *

"Emily," Adam said quietly as he walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. "Promise me you won't try and curl your own hair again until you learn how to do it." Adam chuckled and ran his fingers through the short hair. She did look cute, her hair came a little below her chin now and the style fit her personality, but he would miss her longer hair.

"I promise, Daddy. I am sorry." She said sadly.

"I know and I know it was an accident." He said with understanding. "Just don't do it again." He smiled and touch her nose.

"I won't." She giggled.

"Maggie told me that she had to punish you today." He changed to a more serious note. "You wanna tell me what happened?" Emily glanced down, she was hoping that Maggie wouldn't tell, she was embarrassed and did not want to talk about it.

"Not really." She answered truthfully but knew he really wasn't asking if she wanted to.

"Come on now, I want to know the truth." He said lifting her chin with his finger.

"I was hiding in the loft because I didn't want her to see my hair." She started looking away from him, he let her knowing it was harder for her to look at the person she was explaining herself to. "She told me to come down, but I didn't listen. She said if she had to come up that she was gonna spank me but I didn't believe her." She stopped thinking the rest was already understood.

"I guess you believe her now." Adam said seriously.

"Yes sir." She answered respectfully hoping she was not in trouble with her father.

"I am disappointed in the way you acted, you know better than that. I am glad that Maggie took care of it, so I know you will obey her in the future. But I should be able to trust that you will obey me even when I am not here to make sure you do. If this happens again, to any adult other than Maggie because I know she will take care of it, I will spank you whether they disciplined you or not. Is that understood?" He asked firmly.

"Yes sir. I'm sorry." She said sadly, there was nothing worse than knowing she disappointed her father.

"I know, come here." He motioned for her and pulled her into a hug.

* * *

The next morning, Maggie had gotten up early and gone to the telegraph office with her answer, Mr. Fellows eyed her carefully when he read the telegram. "Are you sure?" He asked sounding very disappointed. Maggie was a little taken aback but after taking a deep breath, she gave a little nod and left. After packing up what Cassie would need to stay the night, they left for the Cartwright's place.

"Have a good day." Adam smiled at her as he made his way to the door. She gave him an unconvincing smile in return.

"You too." She said softly. Adam eyed her wondering if there was something wrong but decided not to push her, he nodded to her and left. Maggie walked into the kitchen to prepare breakfast, she looked at the stove top in surprise. There were eggs, and hot cakes already made up and ready to eat. She leaned on the counter closest to her, hiding her face in her arms, she cried. _Why did he have to be so sweet? He just had to go and make this harder, didn't he?_ She sobbed, remembering the concern in his eyes when he had said goodbye just a few minutes before.

Three little girls stood in front of the kitchen door, they had been ready to go in and help with breakfast but stopped when they heard crying.

"Do you think we should go in?" Emily asked Cassie her eyes showing her concern.

"No, she doesn't like people to know that she cried." Cassie answered also worried but not about her mother, about what the note had said the night before. She had come in after dinner and could tell her mother had been crying then also. All she could think of was that it had to be pretty bad to make her cry that much.

"What should we do?" Katie asked.

"Let's just go play a game of checkers or something, she will be fine in a little bit." Cassie said and walked towards the living room, the other girls hesitated a moment but then both followed her and sat on the couch.

Emily was winning against Cassie and Katie when Maggie finally came out of the kitchen. "Look what your father made for us this morning." Maggie said as cheerfully as she could, Emily and Katie stared at her and Cassie wouldn't look up. Maggie knew they had heard her but decided it was best to pretend nothing was wrong. "Well, don't just sit there, come eat. It was very kind of your father to make this for us before he left for work." Her throat constricted and it was hard to get the words out. Emily noticed the emotion in her voice and eyes when she talked about her father and she thought she might know what was wrong.

They ate breakfast in relative silence, Maggie tried to talk about the day, but after getting little participation gave up, preferring silence as well. After they cleared the table, Emily stayed behind in the kitchen with Maggie.

"Maggie, can I talk to you for a second?" Emily asked, Maggie stopped washing the dishes and turned to give her full attention to her.

"Yes, of course." She said encouragingly.

"I know before I asked you to promise that you wouldn't like my daddy, but I'm alright with it now. You do like him, don't you?" Emily pushed.

"Emily, it is not proper to discuss such things. But thank you anyways." She smiled and touched the girl's cheek.

"Ahh, come on, you don't have to be proper here." She argued.

"That's enough," Maggie rested her hand on Emily's shoulder. "go on and play with the others, I have to finish the dishes."

"Pleeeaase." She tried on last time.

"No." Maggie said firmly with a smile, then with her hand still on her shoulder turned her towards the door and gave her a playful swat to get her going. Emily jumped and quickly made her way to the door, then stopped and turned back to her.

"Your not mad at me, are you?" Emily asked.

"Of course not, now go on." She smiled and told her for the third time. Emily left thinking that it was hard to tell the difference between her playful swat and a punishing one, luckily neither of them hurt.

The rest of the day seemed rather normal to each of the girls, and Emily hoped that what she had said, had helped. When Adam arrived home Maggie thanked him for breakfast and quickly let herself out.

"I'll hitch up the buggy for you." Adam's voice stopped her on the porch. She turned back to him.

"Thank you, that would be nice." She said with a forced smile.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" He asked taking a step towards her.

"Nothing's wrong." She stepped back nervously.

"Call it a father's intuition." He winked at her, using her own words against her. "I know something is bothering you, so it would be easier just to tell me and get it over with."

"It's not about you." Maggie said softly, fingering the railing at the edge of the porch.

"Maggie, I'm not trying to pry. I am asking as a concerned friend." Adam explained. She turned away from him and leaned on the railing, he walked over to stand beside her. He leaned on the railing facing her.

"Adam, I am grateful for your concern but this is something I cannot share with you." She sighed wishing that she could just tell him everything, then he could tell her not to leave.

"Alright, don't tell me." He shrugged. "But is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes, no, no there is not." She bit her lip, trying to decide whether or not to chance telling him how she felt.

"Tell me." Adam said more as a plea than a command and touched her arm. She took a deep breath and decided to do it.

"Adam," She said looking down at her hands. "Do you care for me?" She asked gently.

"Of course, I care for you and Cassie both." Adam said tightening his grip on her arm and pulling her to stand in front of him.

"No, I mean more than that." She reiterated now looking into his eyes.

"Maggie, I..." Adam started but she interrupted him, wanting have her full say before he rejected her.

"Because I care for you, Adam, I mean more than just friends. I think I'm starting to fall in love with you, and I was wondering...if you might be too." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.

"Maggie," He started again. "I do care for you but only as friends right now. I am not ready to love again. I don't know that I ever will be." Maggie's heart broke now her decision was final, there was no reason to stay. "Do you understand?" He asked looking her in the eyes, all he saw was hurt.

"Yes, I understand." She choked out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you." Adam said softly, wishing he could admit to her that he was beginning to care for her more than just friends but he had to admit that to himself first and he wasn't ready.

"It's fine, I should be going." She pulled further away from him, wanting to leave before she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Adam had never let go of her arm and now he used it to pull her into his arms, he held her close. He did not know what had possessed him to do that but he really had never meant to hurt her. Maggie melted in his embrace, she knew she should pull away but she couldn't bring herself to, she had dreamed of this moment just not like this. She rested her cheek against his chest and relaxed. Adam pulled back after a moment.

"I'll go hitch up the buggy." He nodded to her and the walked past, she watched him go choking back the emotions threatening to spill over. The girls all came out and said goodnight, she lingered a little longer hugging each of them and then said goodbye.

"You'll be at my race tomorrow right?" Emily called as she got into the buggy.

"Yes, I wouldn't miss it." She called back hoping that was true.

**Well, you will have to wait for the next chapter to find out what happens next. You all are so great about reviewing, I really, really appreciate it. And I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I am planning on getting the next one up this week so I won't leave you all hanging for to long. Thanks for your patience.**


	14. Mistakes

"But Daddy, I can't race wearing a dress!" Emily argued with her father. Adam had come into Emily's room where all three of the girls had slept that night, to wake them up. Emily was already up and dressed, to excited about the race that day to sleep in.

"Emily, what is the rule about wearing chore clothes?" Adam asked patiently, though he was frustrated with her, he did understand how she felt.

"We are only allowed to wear them while on the ranch for work or play, never when guests are here and never to town." She gloomily recited the rule that had been repeated to her many times just in the past couple months.

"Yes, and I believe the race is in town." Adam said.

"But racing is play, and I'm not supposed to wear a dress when I play. So either way I am going to have to break one of the rules." Emily pointed out rather proud of herself.

"Well, in that case, maybe I shouldn't let you race." Adam used her own tactic against her, starting to lose patience because of her attitude.

"No, please Daddy, I want to race." Emily pleaded her entire countenance fell. Adam knew that this was to important to her to take away.  
"First, stop with the attitude and we might get somewhere." Adam said firmly and then squatted down to her level. "Secondly, you will wear a dress. Thirdly, don't tell me that you can't race in a dress, you have been riding horses in a dress for years, and you can do it as well as I can race in pants." Adam started unbuttoning her shirt as he spoke.

"Yes sir," She gave in. "I can do it." She put her hand on his to stop him and turned away.

"Ems," Adam stopped her and turned her back towards him. "I want this to be a fun day for everyone, please don't start it out bad." He stroked her short hair as though the more he played with it the faster it would grow back.

"Daddy, do you really think I can win?" Emily asked.

"Your changing the subject." Adam chuckled.

"Okay, I'll be good. But do you think I can win?" She asked again.

"I think you could have a very good chance, but you know what?" He smiled and pulled her onto his knee.

"What?" She asked.

"I know you'll beat Jay." Adam smiled proudly at her.

"How do you know?" She questioned.

"Because I know my girl." He kissed her on the cheek and then sent her off to get changed with a gentle swat. "Hurry up now." He told her before waking the others up. She pulled out her comfortable dress and put it on. She was so excited about the race and happy that her Daddy was proud and knew she could beat Jay that even wearing a dress didn't seem so bad.

"Will we meet Ma..." Katie stopped herself. "Maggie there?" She corrected, Cassie and Emily both noticed her mistake but it didn't seem like Adam had.

"I'm sure she'll be there." Adam answered not really knowing if Maggie was coming to the picnic or not, though she had promised to be at Emily's race. They all climbed into the wagon, even Emily, who decided it would be best just to tie Flash to the back of the wagon and not ride him before the race.

"Daddy, can you sing a song?" Emily asked standing in the back of the wagon holding onto the seat. Cassie stood up next to her.

"Not today." Adam kept his eyes on the rode, the idea was easier to consider now than it had been in the past, he just didn't feel like it today. His mind was on Maggie, he was worried about her, she had been acting different the whole day before and then there conversation last night. He hoped that his stubborness had not just lost him the only woman he could ever imagine loving again.

"Please, Daddy." Katie asked her big blue eyes pleading with him from her seat next to him.

"Please, I have never heard you sing before." Cassie joined in, and with three sets of hopeful eyes staring at him, he couldn't refuse.

"Alright," He gave in, the girls cheered. "What would you like to hear?"

"The one you sang for me and mama a couple days before..." Her voice drifted off, it was still hard to say.

"My Quiet Girl? How 'bout we pick another one?" Adam said that being one of the most difficult to sing.

"No, the other one. Remember. And every road I see lead me home." She sang the lyrics to the last bit of the song.

"Ahh, yes, that one." He winked. "But you have to sing with me." He pointed his finger at Emily and then at Katie. They both nodded. "Join in when you know it." Then he started.

"Well, every road I see leads away from me. There's not a single one that leads me home. All the roads keep saying, friend, come see what's round the bend, so is it any wonder that I roam. Oh, the places I have been keep a calling me back again, how down in the pines I hear the cold wind blow. My heart keeps telling me footloose and fancy free and the road goes by and calls me as it goes." Emily tapped Adam's shoulder to stop him from going any further.

"Can I sing this part?" Adam just smiled and nodded. Emily sang by herself. "Well, maybe somewhere there's a someone waiting there with a smile, and maybe there'll be someplace I can stop and rest a while, cuz maybe you weren't meant to be just a rolling stone, and there's a road to travel on that leads you back to home." Emily smiled as she sang, the others listened and then Adam and Katie both joined in. "Oh, but I'll keep a traveling on, keep a looking at the dawn, till I can lay this lonesome body down, and when that day has come I never more will roam and every road I see will lead me home. And when that day has come I never more will roam and every road I see will lead me home." They finished and Cassie applauded.

"We can teach it to you." Emily said proudly to her friend.

"It's fun," Cassie replied not used to actually enjoying music. "The only music we listen to in Boston is classical because it is the only appropriate music for a lady." She mimicked her mother in a snobbish voice. Adam had not seen this side of Cassie since she had first come to stay with them, he didn't necessarily like it. He eyed her for a moment, there eyes met and she quickly redirected them, Adam decided that he would leave it at that.

"Look!" Katie jumped up and pointed at the town as they rode in, Adam quickly slid a protective arm around her and pulled her back down to her seat.

"I have never seen it look so nice." Cassie exclaimed. Virginia City was decorated as though it was some big holiday, but to the little city it was. The Annual Western horse races were one of the most exciting events of the summer, every one in the city and from miles around came.

"They go all out." Emily explained. "It's like this every year, it's as big as Christmas."

"It wasn't decorated at all yesterday?" She pointed out.

"It's a tradition, they get up early and decorate it in the morning so everyone wakes up surprised." Adam explained. They pulled up to a large open field where families were already laying out their blankets and setting up their picnic baskets. "Come on, let's see if we can find your Grandpa and Uncles." Adam said as he helped each of the girls out of the wagon. Emily ran back to check on Flash, when she was sure that he was fine, they headed off to find the others.

"Grandpa." Katie was the first to spot them, she ran over and jumped into her grandfather's arms. "Uncle Hoss, can you do the three-legged race with me?" She asked sweetly.

"Well kiddo, Whose Cassie gonna go with if your with me?" Hoss pulled his niece out of his father's arms and into his own. Katie looked back at Cassie.

"I don't really want to do the race." Cassie offered, she didn't want Katie to not go with her uncle just on account of her, especially since she had never done a three-legged race.

"Ahh, come on. All the children do it, and most of the adults." Hoss chuckled.

"Don't worry about it big brother, I need a partner. What do ya say Cassie?" Little Joe walked up patting Hoss on the back.

"Well, I don't know how." She said sheepishly.

"That's just fine, it's easy to learn." Joe smiled.

"Emily. Emily." Jay ran up. "There you are. Come on, they are getting ready for the three-legged race.

"Can I?" She turned to her father, he was already nodding.

"Come on, Uncle Hoss. We're gonna miss it." Katie squirmed out of his arms and grabbed his hand.

"Are ya ready for this, Cassie?" Joe winked.

"I don't know about this, Uncle Joe." She shrugged. Joe just took her hand and pulled her off in the direction that the others had disappeared, smiling at the fact that she had called him Uncle.

Adam wandered around for a little while but could not find Maggie, so he headed back to watch his family race. He found his father standing on the side lines. "Did I miss them?" He asked as he walked up.

"Emily and Jay are next up, I think the others are after that." Ben replied. The races were separated so that children races against children and child-adult teams races against the same.

"Are ya ready, Ems." Jay asked as they finished tying there legs together.

"Yep, don't trip this time." She gave him a playful shove and he rolled his eyes. While waiting for their turn, they had practiced and Jay had tripped on his shoe lace bringing them both to the ground. They had a strategy that worked great for them, they labeled their legs that were tied together "one" and their outside legs were called "two". When they ran they said "One, two, one, two." bringing each leg forward when they said its number. They had become so good that they could almost run at their full speed together. The signal sounded and they were off, some of the children tripped over one another from the very beginning, others stumbled in the middle or one got going to fast for their partner, near the end of the race it was just Emily/Jay and Ben/James teams. Emily tripped on Jay's foot and they both toppled to the ground, Ben watched them fall and got to excited, he got ahead of his partner and James fell over top of him.

"Hurry." Emily jumped back up pulling Jay to his feet. They past the other team just as they got to their feet. It was a close call but Emily and Jay managed to stay ahead till the end, winning for their third year in a row.

"Don't trip this time!" Jay gave her a playful push, and then bent over to untie their legs.

"I guess I kinda deserved that one." She shrugged. "But we still won."

"Ya, champions. Third year in a row." Jay puffed his chest up.

"You may have won this silly little race but just wait until the horse race, You won't even be able to eat my dust, I'll be so far ahead." Ben bragged.

"Pride goeth before a fall." Emily yelled after him as he walked away.

"Oh, stop it, Ems." Jay said. "He is just trying to get a rise out of you and falling for it. Besides if your gonna quote scripture, you might wanna get it right. It's pride goeth before destruction."

"Nobody says it that way though, I think it's just a sayin' that came from the Bible, but not really quoting it. He is just a pig-headed little boy anyways, not worth my time." Emily stuck her nose in the air and walked away to join her father on the sidelines.

"And a haughty spirit before a fall." Jay rolled his eyes and reminded himself never to make that girl angry.

"Is Maggie here yet?" Emily asked her father.

"I haven't seen her." Adam said still looking around for some sight of her. For some reason he had a bad feeling about her not showing up, he was not sure why, but it was probably just because of their discussion last night.

"She promised she'd watch my race." Emily sulked.

"She still has time to get here, but even if she doesn't, sometimes things just get in the way and your plans don't work out."

They watched and cheered as the others raced, Hoss and Katie came in fourth and Cassie and little Joe came in second. They went on to the sack races and other picnic games, and before they knew it was time the twelve and under races. They decided to call it the junior races. Adam helped Emily check everything on Flash to make sure they were both ready.

"She isn't coming." Emily said sadly.

"She could be here and we just haven't seen her. You need to just keep your focus on the race and what your doing." Adam tried to reassure her, but he was nervous if she was distracted, she was more likely to make a mistake.

The riders lined up, Jay and Emily were next to each other.

"Good luck." Emily said over all the commotion.

"You too." Jay smiled back at her.

The gun sounded and they were off, only parts of the race could be seen by the crowd, but from the looks of it, Emily, Jay, and Ben were fighting for the lead the entire time. As they rounded the last corner, Emily and Ben were fighting hard for it, Jay was right behind them. Ben tried to cut her off by bringing his horse in close to hers but his foot caught on her stirrup, pulling it out of the loop and throwing both of them of balance. Ben managed to right himself, but with only one foot in the stirrup Emily toppled of her horse. Flash stopped as soon as he lost his rider, Jay saw it happened and immediately pulled Stetson to a halt next to her. He slid of the horse and was at her side before any of the crowd could react.

"Come on, let's get out of the way before we both get trampled." Jay said helping her up. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I think I'm fine." She glanced back at the sound of horses. "Come on, we still have a chance." But as she tried to reach for her horse, she nearly fell again.

"You are hurt." Jay said catching her.  
"It's not bad, it's just my ankle. Come on, we can still make it." Emily pulled away this time keeping the weight off her left ankle.

"Stop being so stubborn." Jay nearly yelled at her.

"I can't, I'm a Cartwright." She said proudly with her biggest smile. Jay finally gave in and hoisted her back into the saddle, just as the last of the other riders flew past.

"There's really no point now, Ems. Why don't we just find your dad?" Jay asked.

"We have to finish the race even if we do come in last." Emily argued, and Jay decided to get back on his horse. "You gave up second place for me, the least I can do is make sure you finish."

"At least give me your reins, so you don't have to put pressure on your ankle." Jay reached his hand out but she shook her head. "I can be just as stubborn as you, Cartwright." He said still holding his hand out. She rolled her eyes and handed him her reins, he led both horses towards the finish line.

"Thanks for stopping. Your a winner in my book." Emily smiled at him as they crossed the finish line. The crowd erupted in a cheer almost more so than first place got. Adam was at her side in an instant and pulled from her horse.

"Are you hurt?" He asked, concern filling his eyes.

"Just my ankle, but its not bad." She shrugged as though it was nothing. "Are you disappointed?" She asked.

"Of course not, I am more proud of the two of you than I could have been if you had won first place." Adam said.

"How come?" Emily said pulling back to look him in the eyes.

"Well, because Jay stopped to help you even though he could have come in second if he had kept going, and because you were determined to finish the race even though you weren't going to win." Adam explained.

"I had fun even if I didn't win. At least I know I would have beaten Jay." She smiled.

* * *

Maggie watched from her spot at the edge of the park, she saw Emily fall and Jay help her, then watched as they finished the race. She was proud of Emily and wished she could go and congratulate her, but knew it would only make it harder. She finally pulled herself away from the scene and sat back on the bench waiting for the stagecoach.

She clenched her jaw as the tears threatened to spill over, _why did it have to be so hard?_ She tried to imagine the future she would have with Richard, fulfilling her promise to her father, but one man and three little girls kept crowding her thoughts.

The stage arrived and she reluctantly handed her bags to the driver, taking one last look at the town she had dreamed of being a part of and then disappeared into the coach.

* * *

The day filled with fun and laughter came to an end, and Adam was starting to worry about Maggie. He hadn't seen her at all and now the picnic was over and he still had Cassie.

"Why don't you girls stay with your Grandpa, and I'll go find Maggie." Adam said squeezing Cassie's shoulder.

Adam walked into the foyer of the boarding house and was greeted by the man at the desk.

"I didn't expect to see you here anytime soon." He said.

"I've come to check on Maggie, I didn't see her at the picnic today." Adam explained but stopped at the confused expression on the man's face.

"Mr. Cartwright, Maggie checked out this morning." He said almost apologetically.

"But where else would she go and why wouldn't she tell me? I mean I have her daughter!"Adam was getting flustered, but he had a bad feeling that he already knew what had happened.

"I think you might check the stage, though I can't imagine a lady leaving without her child." The man shook his head sadly. Without another word, Adam took his leave. Adam's thoughts were so jumbled that he almost could not remember which way to go, when he finally got his barrings, he found his way to the telegraph office. The telegraph office held the records for all the passengers on the stage, Adam had a feeling that the man at the boarding house already knew she had left but did not want to be the one to say it. Adam had to know for sure.

"Hey, Thomas." Adam smiled but he could not hide the concern in his eyes.

"Adam, I thought I might see you today. I still can't believe you let that one get away, she was a real beaut." Thomas talked in spite of his oath to keep the town's folk personal lives private, they were understanding, because they all knew he was lonely. Most people knew to send private things by mail and use the telegraph office for business or anything they did not mind the whole town knowing about. Obviously, no one had shared the with Maggie.

"Thomas, I need to see the records for today's stage." Adam told him, he never relied on Thomas for actual fact, though his gut told him, he was right this time.

"Well, I ain't supposed to share that with just anybody, Adam. It's confidential." He nodded. "But I can tell ya that a certain woman who might have been working for ya might have been on that stage today. And boy, was she crying like a baby. That poor girl, he has to be an evil man, to expect any woman to go through such a thing. Hmpf, can't believe she would go back to him, but that would be a hard choice for any woman to make. Especially, the only man she cared for here, wouldn't give her the time of day." Thomas shook his head and looked at him pointedly.

Adam had no idea what the man was babbling on about but was sure that he had just found out a lot more than any records would tell him. _A man, who was this man he was referring to?_ "Thomas, what might have been this man's name?"

"Oh, I can't tell you that it's..." Thomas was interrupted.

"Confidential." Adam sighed. "Listen, you said this was an evil man, if I don't know his name I can never find Maggie or help her out of this. She could be in trouble and we would never know. Thomas, you have the choice to risk that and keep your oath, or maybe safe her life." Adam exaggerated.

Thomas looked as though this was the hardest decision of his life. "Your right, Adam. She could be in danger. Just a second." He started rummaging through his papers until he found the one he was looking for. "Ahhh, here it is. Richard Mantle. They've been talking for a month or so now, he saying stuff like your breaking your promise and come back or the deals off. She just kept trying to get him to change his mind."

"Change his mind about what?" Adam asked only picking up pieces of this ever complicating story.

"The child, of course!" He shook his head as though it should have been obvious. "Don't know what she did with the poor girl, but she wasn't with her when she left today. Guess she finally gave into that awful man." He continued to shake his head and frown. The telegraph started up. "Oh, gotta take this. Sorry, Adam. Ummm, maybe you oughtta take the girl or you know you could go after her." He started up again but then realized he was missing the telegraph.

"Thanks, Thomas. You've been very helpful." Adam waved and walked away. He spotted a bench, the bench that Maggie had sat on early that day, and he took a seat. Putting his head in his hands, he tried to get his head around everything he had just heard. _Cassie!_ The thought hit him like a brick wall._ What was he going to tell Cassie? How could she do this to her daughter, how could she leave him to clean up the mess she left behind?_ He suddenly grew angry with Maggie. Then he thought about what Maggie had told him about her mother. _Well, Maggie. Looks like you turned out just like her._ Adam sat for a while longer before leaving to go find the others.

He spotted his father's horse in front of the hotel, one of the only establishments open on this day. They often ate dinner there after the races. Adam walked in and located the table that his family sat at with Cassie.

"Adam, we were wondering if you were going to be along, did you find Maggie?" Ben asked his son.

"Later." Adam said quietly to Ben, hoping he would get the picture and not push it. Ben nodded and let it go. "Cassie, could you come with me, dear?" Adam spoke softly.

"Is mother waiting for us?" She asked happily, she had missed her mother.

"Come on." Adam said quietly and encouragingly but did not answer her question. Cassie became uncomfortable with Adam's mood, but did as he said and slid off her chair. Adam held his hand out and she took it and held on tight.

"Grandpa, why is Daddy sad?" Katie asked. Emily looked between her sister and grandfather, she had also noticed her father's mood but had decided to leave it alone. Katie had not learned yet that sometimes it was better to not ask questions.

"Just eat, Kates." Ben said distractedly.

* * *

Adam walked with Cassie to a quiet area in the now almost vacant park, most of the booth had been torn down and the town was back to normal. Only a few stragglers still walked through the park, wishing the day would never end. Cassie stomach was in knots and was on the verge of tears, Adam knew he just needed to get it over with.

"Where's mommy, I want my mommy." Cassie pleaded. Adam's heart broke for her, he had never heard her call Maggie that, and it just made it harder.

"Cass, your mother...your mother..." Adam was finding it nearly impossible to tell this little girl that her mother had left her.

"She left, didn't she?" Cassie spoke calmly as though she had just matured greatly in the last couple seconds. Adam was shocked at the sudden change.

"Yes, on today's stage." Adam spoke gently. Cassie sat quietly for a moment to stunned to think or move. Adam did not know what to say or what to do, if she was crying he could have held her and told her it would all be alright. If she was angry, he could have helped her, but she was void of all emotion, her eyes empty. He finally reached out and gently touched her arm, she quickly pulled away and looked at him with fire in her eyes.

"This is your fault." She accused and stood pulling further away from him. "If you hadn't a been so stubborn, she would of stayed for you, she cared for you and you ignored her!" She was yelling by the end and tears were pouring down her face.

"Cassie." Adam reached out to touch her shoulder but she turned away and ran. He was not about to let her out of his sight, so he followed her but far enough behind that she would not know. Cassie ran into the woods and Adam was glad that he had followed her, she was sure to get herself lost. It did not take long for her to be worn out physically and emotionally, she fell to her knees in the dirt. Adam stopped, watched, and listened to her heart-wrenching cries as she laid herself down on the ground and beat her fists against it. There was nothing he could do for her, she did not want to be held or comforted especially not by him. He knew better than to take her accusation to heart, for she just needed someone to blame, knowing that she probably truly blamed herself.

Adam sat down against a tree and waited, listening to the pain that Maggie had caused and wondering how she could have willingly put her daughter through this. He grew angry with her all over again, he had sympathized with the childhood that she had, but nothing warranted this. It did not take long for Cassie's cries to turn into hitched sobs and then the only sound was soft breathing. He did not want to wake her up or be there when she woke up and make her angry all over again, they may not get home till after dark. So, he patiently waited, but the day had taken it's toll on him as well and he fell asleep.

* * *

Cassie woke up, the sun could be seen just above the hills, and the forest was already getting darker. She shook with fear, not even knowing which way she had come in. She sat in her spot, frozen from the fear of being lost and the deepening pain, she could not cry, she could not move. Adam suddenly jerked awake, realizing that he had fallen asleep. He looked around, noticing that Cassie had woken up. He stood quietly not wanting to scare her.

"Cassie, it's Adam." He said before stepping into her view, she still jumped not having realized that she was never truly alone. Though Adam was the last person she wanted to see, she was just happy not to be lost and alone. She watched him walk towards he, not wanting to show him that she was glad to see him. "I think we should be getting home, it's late." He spoke softly now standing in front of her.

"I don't have a home." She said matter-of-factly.

Adam squatted down in front of her. "Cassie, I know you don't want to but will you come home with me tonight? I promise tomorrow we will get this all worked out." Adam touched her shoulder and this time she didn't pull away.

"There is nothing to work out, don't you understand she left me." Cassie said with little emotion other than anger, though her eyes showed the hurt that she would not allow herself to feel. Adam pushed her hair away from her eyes, and then reached down and lifted her into his arms as he stood. She did not pull away this time, but laid her head on his shoulder, she had no fight left in her and was just thankful that he was there.

* * *

Ben had gotten the idea after about an hour that he should just take the girls home with him, Joe and Hoss were dying to ask him what was going on but knew better in front of their nieces. What they did not know was that Ben knew no more than they did. Katie had fallen asleep on the way home and Hoss took her up to the room they had stayed in before.

"Emily, why don't you go on up and get to bed yourself?" Ben said. Emily noticed the change in the room since her father had left and knew something was wrong.

"But Grandpa, it's not bedtime yet." She whined not wanting to be left out.

"It's been on long day, Joe, take her up to bed." He said and plopped down in his chair. Emily wanted to argue but Little Joe put his hand on her shoulder, and steered her up the stairs. Once in the room Joe helped her into a large nightshirt, scooped her up, and deposited her on the bed.

"It's not fair, I want to wait for Daddy." She whined.

"Stop it, Ann." Joe said roughly. Emily looked at him as though she would cry, he was rarely harsh with her. "I don't know what's goin' on but we both know somethin' ain't right, now I want you to be a big girl and do as your told. This isn't about you, so stop being selfish and do your part." He spoke more softly. Joe had always spoke straight with her and she liked that it made her feel older but she didn't like it when he was upset with her.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Joe." She said quietly.

"Your forgiven, now climb into bed." He smiled at her and opened up the covers, but before she crawled in, Emily hugged him, and he held her for a moment to let her know everything would be alright.

"Pa?" Joe said as he walked down the stairs, Hoss had already joined Ben, and now both sons looked at him expectantly.

"I know you boys have been dying to know what's happening, but I can't tell you more than you already know." Ben sighed. Joe and Hoss looked at him for a moment, waiting for him to go on, but he didn't.

"Well, you have to know something." Joe pushed.

"Ya, Pa, didn't Adam say anything to ya?" Hoss joined in.

"Just that he would explain later, Adam has his reasons, he will tell us when it's time." Ben said knowing all to well how his oldest son was.

"Is it Maggie?" Joe finally asked the question on everyone's mind. But Ben was not the kind to talk about something he knew nothing about.

"Leave it alone, Joseph." Ben said in the voice that all the boys knew not to tangle with.

"Come on, Joe. Let's get those chores done." Hoss stood and practically pulled Joe out of the room, to keep him from opening his big mouth again.

* * *

Adam walked back into town with Cassie in his arms, out in front of the hotel stood his father's horse, the wagon was gone. He was glad that his father had taken the initiative to take the girls home, though he knew the others were dying of curiosity, it would be best for Cassie not to have everybody around asking questions and offering sympathies. He set her down the horse and swung up behind her.

Cassie was silent as they walked into the vacant house, Adam went about making a bed for her on the couch. The little girl just stood there watching, not feeling anything was easier, so she had retreated inside herself. Adam finished and led her over to the bed, he pulled the covers up over her and sat beside her.

"Cass, it's not your fault. Maggie didn't want to leave you." Adam tried to console her fears.

"But she did." Came the emotionless answer that he had been getting since they met in the woods. Adam gently pushed Cassie's hair from her face and touched her cheek, letting his hand come to rest on her shoulder, he gave it a slight squeeze.

"Yes, she did." He said defeated, the motivation did not matter to a nine-year old girl whose mother deserted her, it was just that simple her mother had left her. What could possibly hurt more to a young girl than having the woman that she looks up too, trusts, and loves with all her heart walk out of her life. Explanations for what Maggie did was not going to comfort Cassie, Adam now realized that, but what could he do for her? "Tomorrow, we will purchase tickets and by Wednesday we can be on our way to Boston. If that's what you want?" Adam offered. Cassie perked up a little at the thought of going after her mother.

"You didn't want her to leave, did you?" She asked hopefully. Adam realized where he had gone wrong, she thought they were going to bring Maggie back.

"Your mother had her reasons for leaving, I cannot make her come back. But I can bring her the most valuable thing in her entire life that she left behind. You." He spoke softly and ended with a smile hoping she would like the idea.

"But you were her reason for leaving, if you asked her to come back she would. I know it." Cassie leaned forward and pleaded with her large brown eyes that looked so much like her mother's.

"Let's talk about this in the morning after you've gotten some sleep." Adam leaned toward her and planted a kiss on her forehead. Cassie could not help but smile and as Adam pulled away, she threw herself into his arms and hugged him.

Adam hugged her back and then Cassie laid back down, he gently ran his fingers through her hair until she finally drifted off to sleep. Adam walked into his room, threw his shoes on the floor and then putting his feet up on the bed, he leaned back on the backboard. _Was Cassie right? I was disappointed when I found out she was gone. I was just upset that she left Cassie behind that's all. Do I want her to come back, yes, well I wouldn't mind that is. I was getting used to having her around and for Cassie's sake I wish she would. If I wasn't so angry with her, I might even miss her. No, she didn't mean anything more to me than just a friend, that is all, a friend. She was more than that to Emily and Katie, they are going to miss her. Was I being stubborn? _He thought back to Cassie's comment earlier that day. _ Am I still just being stubborn? Maybe I do care for her. But what about Sarah. _That last thought caught him off guard, his mind was wondering and he did not like it. _She is gone, Adam. When are you just going to accept that?_ He scolded himself, but he could not stop the sudden flow of memories with her that crowded his thinking. He fell asleep that night with only thoughts of her on his mind. Sarah's smile. Sarah's laugh. Sarah's voice. Sarah's touch.


	15. Broken hearts

**Sorry it took so long, let me know what you think of this chapter. I'm having a hard time deciding the end of the story, I had it all planned out and now I'm considering going a different way with it. Any opinions are welcome and will be taken into consideration. Just a little warning, there will be a light spanking in the middle of this chapter.**

Early the next morning, Adam and Cassie rode over to his father's house, not wanting to worry them any longer than necessary. Cassie had been silent and withdrawn all morning, he had noticed her eyes were puffy, and knew the crying he had heard that night had not been a dream. Adam really did not want to bring Cassie with him to face the pain all over again but he could not think of another option.

"Cassie, would you like to go up to my old room and get some more sleep?" Adam asked as he lifted her off the horse. She nodded, with his hand on her shoulder they walked in the house. Adam was relieved to see only his father was up.

"Adam, what happened? I've been worried sick." Ben stood and walked toward his son, he was just given a look that said not yet.

"Cass, you go on. I'll wake you when it's time for breakfast." Adam gave her an encouraging nod and she listened. When she had disappeared, Adam turned back to his father, ready to answer a lot of questions.

"Adam, you had better start explaining what is going on here." Ben kept his voice low but firm.

"She left." He began abruptly leaving his father speechless and confused, he walked over and leaned against the fire place. Adam began to fill his father in on the story, while Ben listened patiently. "I just for the life of me cannot figure out why she would leave that little girl after what her own mother had put her through." Adam finished leaning up against the fireplace, covering his eyes with hand and then he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"So, what are you going to do?" Ben asked.

"I am going to get Cassie and I the next ticket on the stage, and I am going to return her daughter to her. What else can I do?" Adam asked defeated. He had thought over all his options, that one just made the most sense.

"Whose to say she is not just going to leave her with the next unsuspecting person she comes across or even leave her at an orphanage. There is no saying what will happen to that girl if you bring her back, she left her once what makes you so sure she wouldn't do it again?" Ben pointed out. Adam was slightly shocked, his father was the practical thinker, but now was he encouraging him to take on another little girl?

"Maggie isn't like that. I don't know what caused her to do this, but I know this is not like her." Adam said with conviction. Ben decided not to argue the point, but he did notice how protective his son had become of Maggie, and began to wonder if he had feelings for her.

"That may be. But something kept her from bringing Cassie with her, whose to say that something will change once you get her there?" Ben tried to go about it from a different angle.

"I don't know." Adam just shook his head. "What are you getting at, Pa? Do you think I should keep Cassie? I can't even figure out what to do with my own children."

"I am not getting at anything, I am just looking at this from every angle." Ben tried to amend.

"I have made up my mind. Cassie deserves to grow up with her mother." Adam said firmly but sounded unsure of his decision.

"It is your decision, son." Ben accepted his choice.

"It shouldn't have to be." Adam said under his breath as he slumped into the armchair. Ben let it go, he knew that Adam was just overwhelmed, he needed help but would never accept it.

"Daddy!" Emily came charging down the stairs. She ran into her father's waiting arms, Adam lifted her onto his lap, and his heart sank. She needed to know but he did not want to hurt her.

"Hey, pal." He held her close for some time, debating on how he would soften the blow.

"Grandpa?" Came a sleepy voice from the stairs. "Is Daddy back yet?" Katie started walking down the stairs rubbing her eyes. When she got to the platform in the middle her eyes shot open. "Daddy! Your back!" She squealed and ran down the stairs. Hopping onto the opposite leg that her sister occupied, she hugged him, now wide awake. "Where were you?" She asked and Adam knew it was time to tell them.

"We need to talk." He said softly pulling them both away, so he could see their faces. Ben decided it was time for him to leave and headed out the front door.

"Is something wrong?" Emily asked, her voice shaking. Adam could see the fear in her eyes, Katie still watched him not sensing the same tenseness that her older sister had, she was still so naïve and innocent. He hoped that the many things she had gone through and would go through at a young age would never change her positive spirit.

"Yes, it's about Maggie." He stopped still unsure of how to continue, they were both silent. "Maggie left yesterday." He finally said and waited for a response.

"Cassie too?" Katie asked in a teary voice. Emily had yet to react but Adam knew it was all going on inside.

"No, Cassie is still here." He answered. Emily's eyes shot up at this, Adam could not read her emotions so he waited but she still did not talk.

"She is coming back, right?" Katie said as a tear ran down her cheek.

"I don't think so, Kates." He pushed a strand of hair from face and wiped away the tear.

"Why?" She asked as she began to cry.

"I...I don't know." Adam's heart broke for both girls. Katie leaned into his chest and cried, Adam tried to pull Emily towards him but she pulled away. "Ems?" He asked but she pushed herself off his lap and stepped back, he reached out and gently grabbed her wrist.

"Please Daddy?" Emily begged and tried to pull away again. Adam did not want to let her go, but as her eyes filled with tears and her lip began to tremble, he released her hand. She ran out the door and let it slam shut behind her. After Katie had calmed down, she sat up and wiped her eyes.

"I'm gonna miss her." She said sadly. "Is Cassie really sad?" Adam could not help but smile at his youngest, although she was sad she still cared more about Cassie than herself, just like Sarah.

"Yes, she is up in my room. I think she would like some company." Adam slid her off his lap.

"I don't know what to say." Katie wiped the tears from her eyes.

"You might not have to say anything, just sit with her." He gave her an encouraging nod and then watched her climb the stairs. Adam stood and headed for the door as soon as Katie disappeared, he knew this was going to be difficult for both of his girls, but he knew it would be harder for Emily. He wanted to be there for her, but she had needed time alone first. He walked into the barn where he had expected to find her, Ben looked up at his entrance.

"How did they take it?" He asked with sadness in his voice.

"Not well," Adam started. "did Emily come in here?" He asked.

"No, I haven't seen her." Ben shook his head. Adam abruptly left, searching the rest of the yard, outhouse, and shed, but did not find her.

"Adam." Ben's voice stopped him and his eyes followed his outstretched finger. The corral was empty. "But he wasn't saddled?" Ben questioned. Flash had been let in the corral early that morning, the only way he could have gotten out is if Emily had taken him.

"She was upset, that wouldn't stop her." Fear for his daughter took over at that moment and he rushed over to his father's waiting horse. "Can you keep an eye on the girls for me?" Ben just nodded and watched Adam ride out at a full gallop.

Adam did not fully know where to look, but his first thought was to head back to the house. He kept his eyes pealed as he rode for some sign of her. When he came to the house, he was relieved to see Flash tied to the front porch. He slid off his horse and checked the house, there was no sign of her, when he entered the barn he heard a rustle in the loft and knew he had found her. When he poked his head up into the loft Adam saw her leaning against a bale of hay with a book in her lap and tears running down her cheeks. He quietly sat down beside her, deciding to let her talk first. Then his eye caught something set in the middle of the book she held open on her lap. It was the purple Bergamot that Sarah had placed in her book after their last picnic together.

Emily sat staring at the book, though she really did not see it or the flower, she was lost in her thoughts. She was thankful that her father was there with her now but she was not ready to speak, it felt as though she had been shut inside herself. Her own thoughts and feelings were directly in front of her and clear but the people and life around her were a blur in the distance.

Adam reached over and gently took the pressed flower from its place, he had not realized that she still had it. He could not help but wonder why this circumstance had led her back to her mother's flower.

"I know she is never coming back." Emily finally found her voice, but the simple phrase held so much grief that neither of them spoke for some time after that. Adam wrapped his free arm around her shoulder protectively, he was unsure of whether she had been speaking of her mother or Maggie, or maybe both.

"Emily." Adam said her name as a plea.

"No. I am not Katie. I am not a little girl anymore." She said forcefully and then in a calmer tone, she explained. "Katie cries sometimes as though she just realized that Mama is gone and never coming back, she gets so excited she forgets that she is gone. But I don't. I never forget. I thought the pain could never go away, I thought I could never be happy again." Her voice trailed off.

"But you were..." Adam started but was interrupted.

"Because of Maggie." She stated with tears in her eyes and her voice cracked. Adam's heart ached for her, she had finally found peace and now she was worse off than before. He hated himself for ever bringing Maggie into his daughter's lives just to have them hurt. "I know she is never coming back, they never come back." She finished. Adam set the flower back in the book and tipped Emily's chin up so she would look at him.

"I am sorry, Ems. I..." He tried to find words but none would come to him.

"Don't be sorry, Daddy. I don't want her to come back." She said, more sad than angry. "We are keeping Cassie, right?"

"She isn't a stray dog, Ems. She has to be taken back to her mother, it's only right." Adam said quietly still taking it all in.

"But she doesn't want her, Cassie wants to stay here." Emily argued getting a little bit of her spirit back.

"You don't know that. Cassie needs to be with her mother." Adam said calmly understanding how his daughter felt.

"But I will never see her again either." She said sadly. Adam wanted to tell her that she would see her again but he did not know if she would, so instead he stayed silent. "She will just be another memory." Emily reached down and picked up the dried flower that represented her mother's memory. Adam gently held the hand with the flower in it, in his large hand.

"We'll just take it one day at a time, alright pal." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. She looked up at her father with tears in her eyes, the lump that was growing in her throat made it difficult to speak.

"But I love them, Daddy. I don't want to lose them, too." Her voiced cracked and she buried her head in her father's lap, so he would not see her cry. Adam let her cry, gently running his hand through her hair and wishing he could do more to comfort her. Ever since she was just a toddler, she had always come to him to fix her problems and he always could, but this was something he could not make better with a simple kiss or hug. She had already lost her mother, and now the one woman who had gained her trust and love had walked away from her.

"She will come back, Daddy. Please, say she'll come back?" She begged through her sobs, looking up at him with tears running down her cheeks, her eyes pleading with him to change what she knew he could not. Adam pulled her into his lap and held her tight, Emily wrapped her arms around her father's neck and cried into his chest. His protective arms around her gave her some comfort, but it could not take away the pain in her heart.

* * *

"Cassie?" Emily walked into her father's old room. Cassie sat on the bed, she quickly wiped away a few stray tears before greeting Emily.

"Good morning, Emily." She gave a pathetic smile. Emily ignored the formalities, she knew now that it was just their way of hiding their true feelings and keeping them from others.

"It is not a good morning. Is it?" Emily asked as she pulled herself on the bed beside her friend. Cassie glanced up at her, her lip began to tremble as she tried her best to hold back tears. Emily reached out to her and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. "Is it?" A heart-breaking sob escaped from her lips, Emily pulled her friend close and held her tight. After letting her cry, just as her father had done for her earlier, Emily gave her a weak smile and handed her a handkerchief.

"What do I do now, Emmy?" Cassie asked tears still rolling uncontrolled down her cheeks.

"You're not alone, Cassie. We will just take it one day at a time." Emily gave her a true smile. "That's what sisters do." Cassie looked up surprised, she did not really know what she had meant by that, but she liked the sound of it.

"Sisters?" She questioned.

"Of course, no matter what happens. We will always be friends and sisters." Emily stuck out her pinky finger. Cassie looked at it unsure at first, but then with a genuine smile, she clasped it with her own.

"Your dad is going to take me back to Boston, to my mother." She said resting her hands in her lap.

"Is that what you want?" Emily asked sure that it could not be.

"I don't know." She looked her in the eyes, trying to decide whether she could truly share her heart with her. "I love my mother, and I want to be with her. But she doesn't want me, Emily. How can I go back to her? She'll just find the next place to drop me off, I'm sure of it."

"Maggie would never do that." Emily defended.

"She already did. Emily, I'm still here, she left me once. Why wouldn't she do it again." Cassie shot back, her own anger towards her mother showing through.

"Because she loves you. I know she does." Emily's voice trailed off as she began to wonder how a loving mother could ever leave her daughter behind.

"It doesn't matter. She loves him more." Cassie said looking down at the floor.

"Who?" Emily asked. Cassie explained to her how her mother had been in love in Boston, and how they had suddenly left. She told her about the telegrams that she had found, asking her to come back to him but with one condition.

"I realized a while back, that the condition was me. He wanted her but not me. Don't you see, Emily? If I go back she will just have to find another place to drop me off because she has some deal with Mr. Mantle that is more important than me." Her eyes began to fill with tears again as she tried to make her understand.

"You can talk to my Daddy, if he knew that he wouldn't take you back." Emily spoke slowly still contemplating everything she had just heard.

"I cannot." She shook her said, suddenly sounding formal all over again. "I won't beg him to keep me, and you mustn't tell him. Promise."

"But Cassie..." Emily began to argue but the look on her friend's face told her it was pointless. "Alright, I promise." She sighed.

* * *

Two days later, Adam and Cassie said their goodbyes and boarded the stage. Cassie was solemn and would not speak a word to Adam, he guessed it was because she blamed him for her mother leaving. They had been on the stagecoach for over two hours before Adam decided to approach the subject, he did not want to leave her upset with him.

"I am sorry that Maggie left like this, I know that you blame me for not telling her that I love her. I guess under the circumstances if I had, she wouldn't have left. But I couldn't lie to her, especially about loving her, I do care for your mother, a great deal. But I don't believe I could ever love another woman, Cass, I'm sorry." He said leaning his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his folded hands, he watched for her reaction.

"I don't blame you, anymore." She said looking at him for the first time in days. "I wish you did love my mother, but I understand. She made the choice to leave me, I know that now." Cassie shrugged as though it was nothing but Adam could see the pain in her eyes and heard the anger in her voice. She sounded beyond her years, but Adam knew that there was still that young, vulnerable child underneath, though pain does seem to mature even the youngest children.

"Cassie, I don't understand all that happened but I do believe that your mother thought she didn't have a choice in the matter. I don't think she would have left you otherwise." Adam said softly reaching over to place his hand on her knee.

"Then what makes you think she will take me back?" The question shocked Adam, Cassie was not usually outspoken around him.

"She is your mother." He answered feeling as though it was a rather inadequate explanation, though it should have been the most concrete answer in the world.

"That didn't stop her from leaving." The statement was full of anger and hurt. Cassie had gotten past the sadness and now all she could feel was anger towards her mother and betrayed by her. Adam thought for some time, _how could he explain to a little girl something that not even he could fully comprehend,_ he sighed.

"I know." Was all he said. There did not seem to be any words to contradict her statement or even the right ones to comfort her. But comfort does not always come in words. "Cassie, come here." He said gently while motioning for her. She cautiously stood and took the one step towards him, that is all it took to cross to his side of the coach and be in his reach, he lifted her onto his lap. Adam sat her on his lap, keeping his arms around her, and held her tight. Cassie buried her face in his shoulder, her brave face dissolving into tears.

"Please, don't leave me." He barely heard her faint plea muffled by his tear soaked shirt. Adam suddenly regretted his decision to bring her back to Boston, his resolve to do what he had thought was right, was quickly diminishing. Even though everything in him wanted to change his mind, his head still told him what was logical and practical, what he had to do in spite of it all.

* * *

"Hey, Ann. How ya doing?" Little Joe sat down on the hay bale next to his niece. Emily had been sitting in the loft of her grandfather's barn for a couple hours, her mind going continuously when all she wanted it to do was stop.

"Fine." She answered simply, wishing that he had not found her but thankful for the company all the same.

"Sure doesn't seem like it. Come on, you can always tell me." Joe gave one of his winning smiles to which Emily giggled and gave in. _It would feel good to talk to somebody._ She thought.

"Well, Daddy said that we would all get through this together taking it one day at a time. But how are we supposed to do that when their gone?" She asked.

"Well, right now you've still got Pa, Hoss, Katie and me, and your Daddy will be back in a little over a week or so." Uncle Joe explained but she still did not look convinced.

"But what about Cassie? She'll be all alone." Emily said sadly.

"She will have her mother." He replied.

"You just don't get it." She stood up in frustration. "Maggie doesn't want her, she doesn't want any of us. She never cared about us and she loved Richard more than her own daughter."

"That's not true." The small cry had come from the ladder where Katie stood with tears in her eyes. Both Joe and Emily stared at her surprised, neither having realized she was listening. "Maggie loves us, she does. That mean man made her leave. Your wrong!" She had climbed into the hayloft and finished her statement with as much conviction as a six year old could muster. Joe was touched by her trust in Maggie but Emily grew angry at her sister for defending the person who had hurt them so much.

"She does not. Otherwise, she wouldn't have left. Grow up, Katie. She never cared for us a bit." Emily shot back at her.

"She had to leave. Maggie loves us. She'll come back, you'll see." Her earlier fervor was disappearing under her sister's harsh gaze.

"Just stop it, Katie. She is not your mother, she never will be and she never wanted to be. She just wanted a place to drop off Cassie. She chose to leave, she was probably happy to leave." A small seed of bitterness was starting to grow inside Emily as she spoke these words that her anger made seem true. Katie was crying by now and Little Joe realized that it was past time to stop this.

"That's enough, Ann." He said sternly and then scooped Katie up into his arms. "Shh. It's alright." He comforted. Emily watched, her temper boiling and then the pot over-flowed.

"Go ahead, baby her, because that's what she is, a baby. Maggie probably left because she is such a baby." As soon as the last comment left her mouth, Emily regretted it, she knew it was a horrible thing to say and the look on her Uncle Joe's face confirmed it. Joe had been letting her attitude go, trying to be understanding that she was hurting, but she had gone to far with that. But Katie was sobbing into his shoulder, and he needed to take care of her first.

"Kates, go inside. Your grandpa is at his desk." He said gently as he set her down. Katie didn't argue but quickly walked past Emily to the ladder, giving her one quick look that made Emily feel even worse. Joe waited for Katie to leave the barn, taking the time to calm himself, he knew better than to ever punish in anger. When Katie was gone, he quickly walked over to his eldest niece, and in one swift motion pulled her onto his lap as he sat down on the hay bale. Before Emily could even register what he was doing, Joe landed a volley of hard swats on her backside, then stood her back in front of him. She had tears running down her cheeks, but Joe knew it was more from the fact that he had spanked her than from the actual spanking. Though he had made sure it had hurt some, he had gone easy on her, especially compared to what her father would have done.

"No matter how upset you are about something, it never gives you the right to say things like that. You know better than that." Joe reprimanded. Emily did not speak, she just quietly cried while staring at the ground. "I think you should go to your room." Joe said, he was not normally the one to discipline in any sense of the word, it was all rather new and uncomfortable for him. Emily quickly turned to leave, wanting nothing more to get out of there so she could really cry. Joe wanted to pull her into a hug and comfort her, but he decided she needed to think about what she had said first, so he let her leave.

Ben was rocking a sniffling Katie, and was rather shocked to see Emily run in the house and up the stairs crying as well. He was very curious as to what had happened but had not gotten the answer out of Katie.

* * *

"Cassie, wake up." Adam gently nudged the girl, after she had cried for some, she scooted off his lap and sat down beside him, as time went by she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Now she lay peacefully with her head resting in his lap. They had just arrived at the way station, where they would spend the night. Deciding not to bother with waking her up just to put her back to sleep, he lifted her into his arms, stepped out of the coach and carried her inside.

There was an elderly lady and a younger lady already in the station, they both took notice of the sweet scene as Adam carried the little girl over to a bed. He gently set her down, pulled her dress over her head and covered her up. Adam leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead before walking away to find his bed. As he quietly pulled his bed up by Cassie's, he noticed two sets of eyes on him, sitting down on his bed he gave them a genuine smile and a nod.

"She is a beautiful little girl." The elderly woman smiled trying to explain their reason for staring.

"Yes, she is." Adam smiled down at her, gently pushing a strand of hair out of her face. "My name is Adam. Will we be traveling together tomorrow?"

"I believe so, but not me." She quickly corrected. "My name is Helen Johnson, this is Miss Felicity." Helen introduced both of them. Adam gave them a confused look as to why the elderly lady referred to the younger as Miss.

"It is very nice to meet you, Mr..." Felicity stopped uncomfortably, it would be rude to call him by his first name but that was all he had given.

"Cartwright." He finished for her. "But please, call me Adam. My father is Mr. Cartwright, and frankly the name just makes me feel old." Adam joked, Felicity laughed and Helen gave a good natured smile.

"Where are you headed?" Adam asked casually as he removed his boots.

"Boston." The young lady chirped excitedly, her red curls bouncing with her excitement. How that had made Adam miss his Katie. "We are going to stay with my father for a couple of weeks." She explained. "My father left a couple of months ago to find work, we live in Carson City..." She would have continued to babble on but her caretaker rested a hand on her knee.

"You mustn't carry on so. You will drive the poor man crazy." Helen chided. Adam chuckled at the two.

"It's fine. I am curious, why your father traveled all the way to Boston to find work?" Adam questioned, thinking of all the work around Virginia City.

"Well, he is a Taylor. There aren't many places close by that are in high demand of hand made suits and such. My father said he would go to Boston, make a good amount of money that would sustain us for a while, come back and learn a new trade here. I guess it's taking longer than he expected, he sent for my mother, William and I, because he couldn't stand to be away from us this long." Adam was becoming more and more confused by this story and rather intrigued. Though he was ready for a good night's sleep, his curiosity kept him asking questions.

"Is your mother here?" Knowing that Helen was much to old to be her mother.

"No, she wouldn't come." Felicity explained sadly, her dark brown eyes not able to hide her emotions. "She said that if she stayed behind than Daddy would have to come back, but if she came it would be easy for him to settle his family down in Boston. Mother hates the city."

"And your brother?" He went on.

"He is here, he went out to help the driver with the horses. He is great with horses, Will is going to be a cowboy, when he finds a place to hire him. He has a beautiful horse back home that he caught and tamed all by himself." Felicity talked excitedly, it was obvious she looked up to her brother. Adam was enjoying hearing about her family.

"Child, give the man a break." Helen reprimanded again. Tired herself of the constant chatting. Adam chuckled.

"I think it's time I get some sleep." he laid down on his cot and they said goodnight. Adam was nearly asleep when the door opened, he tried to ignore it, but had to laugh when he heard Felicity's excited squeal that she tried to muffle. He opened his eyes to see the young lady throw her arms around her brother's neck.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now." The young man that looked to be in his late teens to early twenties, gave his sister a quick hug before holding her at arms length.

"I couldn't sleep. Oh, Will, I'm so excited to see Daddy. I don't think I can wait another week." She held onto his arms and bounced excitedly.

"Shh, your going to wake everyone in here up." He scolded his sister, then with a smile. "I am excited to but this week will fly by and before you know it, we'll be with Pa again." He pulled her head towards him and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Adam woke the next morning with Cassie cuddled in his arms, her head resting on his chest. He was just about to drift off back to sleep, when Richy, the stagecoach driver came in ringing his bell.

"Everybody up, breakfast is on in five. Get up now and eat or go without." He called and then just as quickly left the room, so as not to get yelled at by the unhappy passengers.

"Cass, it's time to get going." Adam gently shook her, when her eyes opened he swung his legs over the side of the cot to put his boots on. Cassie watched his back not wanting to get up and continue this trip, wishing he could be her father, wishing that he would not leave her. When Adam turned back to her, he saw her dark brown eyes staring up at him. He gently pulled her out from under the covers and set her on his lap, she gave him a sheepish smile feeling uncomfortable in her bloomers.

"Tell me why you don't want to go." Adam said firmly but his eyes showed his concern. Cassie could not tell him, she glanced down at her hands and focused on not letting the tears fall down her cheeks. Adam lifted her chin but she could not look him in the eyes.

"I just don't want to leave." She gave him part of the reason so that he would stop pushing. He could see the struggle going on inside Cassie, saw the tears that threatened to spill over and knew that was not all.

"I'll do what I can." He said sincerely, Cassie finally looked into his eyes and knew he would. "But you have to trust me." He added. She gave him a big smile and threw her arms around his neck.

"I trust you." She said as she held on not wanting to ever let go.

* * *

The trip was long and dusty, though having two more passengers on the stage made time pass faster. William was much calmer and more serious than his sister but he was good company and great with Cassie. It was obvious to Adam that William was a strong young man in character, and a very protective big brother, reminding him somewhat of himself. Felicity always made the trip bright and cheery, her energy and joy was contagious even Cassie would forget her problems for a time. After about two days on the stage together, they boarded the train to finish their journey.

Adam offered for them to ride in the private room that he had gotten, they graciously accepted and Felicity excitedly talked about how much better that would be than sitting in a coach with a bunch of people who probably snore. As they all got comfortable Adam decided to ask William something he had been considering that last few days.

"William?" He started.

"Please call me Will." The young man smiled, Adam nodded.

"Will, your sister told me that you are quite good with horses. Is that right?" He asked knowing it probably would not be unusual for Felicity to exaggerate.

"I have worked with them for some time." Will answered uncomfortably. "Though I can guarantee you that my sister thinks that I am way better than I truly am."  
"Well, tell me about your horse then." Adam pushed knowing he was just being modest.

"Oh, well, I...uh." He stumbled feeling awkward speaking about himself. "He is a great horse, was real easy to train." He finished. Adam smiled he liked that this young man was not cocky, being great and humble was a hard mixture to find.

"As you know I run a rather large ranch with my father just outside of Virginia City, we are always looking for fresh young cowboys that are good with horses. What do ya say, would you like to give it a try when you return?" Adam asked with a smile. Will sat rather shocked at this but Felicity bounced with excitement.

"Oh, isn't that just wonderful Will. Who would have thought that we would be on this trip with a rancher who wanted to hire you for the very thing you were looking for. God had to have been in that!" She smiled at her brother.

"Yes, He was." Will squeezed his sister's hand. "I am grateful for the opportunity, I hope that I will live up to your expectations. Thank you." He graciously accepted.

"Felicity, you are always welcome to come along with your brother. I have two daughter's at home that I know would love to meet you." Adam smiled at her.

"Oh, thank you. That would be so exciting." She beamed.

Later that evening, Adam left Cassie with Felicity while Will and he went to get some fresh air.

"Your father is very kind. Your are lucky." Felicity smiled sweetly at her. Cassie suddenly did not know how to respond.

"Your brother is very nice too." She said not bothering to fix her mistake. "What is your father like?"

"Oh, he is the best. He has always spent time with us and I remember when I was your age he would carry me to bed, tuck me in and kiss my forehead just like your father did that night at the way station. It made me miss him more." She said thoughtfully, Cassie liked hearing Adam referred to as her father, and hearing about what how he had treated her while she was asleep gave her hope that maybe he did want her.

"How old are you now?" Cassie asked.

"I'll be nineteen in a couple of months." She said happily but feeling like she was still just a young girl.

"Wow, your not much younger than my Uncle Joe!" Cassie exclaimed having not realized that she was so much older than herself. Yes, she was much taller and more matured but she acted like a care-free young girl.

"Is that your father's brother?" She questioned with a laugh.

"Yes, and my Uncle Hoss to but he is older than Uncle Joe." Cassie happily talked about her family back home, telling Felicity all about Emily and Katie, her grandpa and uncles. Enjoying thinking of them as her real family.

"Sounds wonderful. What about your mother?" Felicity asked.

"She is in Boston." Cassie answered, then realized her mistake. How was she supposed to explain that one? Adam had just been about to walk into the room when he heard this, he stopped and waited for her to finish. "I mean, well you see, she died a while ago and she is buried in Boston." Cassie lied.

"Oh, I am so sorry." Felicity sympathized.

Adam decided not to let it go any further and walked in, giving Cassie a pointed look, she dropped her eyes to the floor. Adam did not like that she had lied but understood that it was much easier to say her mother had died than left her.

"Felicity, your brother is waiting for you in the dining car, we'll be along shortly." Adam kindly dismissed her, feeling somewhat uncomfortable with this serious Adam, she was happy to oblige. When she was gone, Adam took a seat by Cassie, the girl would not look at him knowing he had heard. "Cass, I don't mind you telling them that we are your family. You've become very much a part of our family this summer, but telling her that your mother is dead, is a lie." He said firmly and then waited for a response.

"It would have been better if she had died." The spiteful words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them, her hand flew up and covered her mouth, surprised that had slipped out. Adam could not say he blamed the girl for feeling that way, not that is was right, but neither was her mother.

"Hey, now. That's not something the Cassie I know would say."Adam lifted her chin so that she would look at him for the first time since entering the room. Cassie had been rude and partially stuck up when she had first arrived that summer, but they all soon realized that she just was trying to please her mother. Ever since her mother had relaxed some, Cassie had been the soft-spoken, sweet girl that they had all come to love.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She shook her head and a single tear escaped. Adam gently cupped her face and wiped the tear away with his thumb.

"I know." He smiled at her and then pulled her onto his lap. "Cassie, what your mother did was wrong, but you must not hate her for it. Hate what she did but don't hate her, bitterness only hurts you. Don't give in to that anger." Adam squeezed her tighter.

"Are you angry with her." Cassie asked softly.

"I am trying not to be, but it's difficult sometimes." Adam sighed, Cassie pulled back to look at him.

"When is it difficult?" She asked.

"Every time I see how much she hurt you." Adam replied honestly. Cassie smiled up at him.

"If I promise not to be angry with her, will you promise not to be angry at her?" She asked.

"Yes." Adam smiled back at her, then added thoughtfully. "You don't have to tell Felicity the truth until you are ready to." He told her knowing how difficult it was for any child to face.

"Thank you." Cassie said relieved even though she knew she would have to tell her eventually. "Adam?"

"Hmm." He responded.

"If I am a part of your family, why can't I just stay with you?" She asked.

"Cassie, I promise you that if things do not work out with your mother. I will take you home with me, but we have to give her a chance first, alright?" Adam explained softly.

"Alright." She nodded solemnly and then slid off his lap. "I think I'm ready for some dinner." She put out her hand for him.

"I think that is a good idea." Adam smiled, took her hand, and they headed off to meet the others.

* * *

The night before they arrived in Boston was an uneventful one, they had all enjoyed listening to Felicity excitedly babble on about seeing her father, but other than that it had been rather quiet.

"You have been rather quiet tonight." Will said to Cassie, she was sitting next to him and had not said a word all evening.

"Well, it can't be easy going back to visit your mother's grave. You will go visit it while your in Boston, won't you?" Felicity asked not noticing how uncomfortable Cassie had become. Adam watched her to see what she would do.

"Actually, I have something to tell you." Cassie said nervously, she looked at Adam and he gave her a nod to go on. "I lied to you about that." She said and then quickly looked at her shoes.

"Why?" Felicity asked a little shocked.

"I didn't want to tell you why my mother was in Boston without me. See, my mother and Adam aren't married, she worked for him. I'm not really related at all, my mother left me with him to marry a man who doesn't want me. I just didn't want anyone to know that my mother didn't want me." She explained sadly. Adam put out his hand for her, and she quickly hopped off her seat and crossed the car to him. She stood in between his legs with her face buried in his chest and his protective arms around her.

"Good girl." He said quietly. He looked up to see two confused and surprised faces waiting for some explanation, but there was really none to give, no one knew the details of why Maggie left her daughter. Not that Adam thought there could be any good explanation.

"I'm sorry." Cassie said through the tears in her eyes, burying herself even further into Adam's chest.

"Cassie," Felicity said softly reaching over and touching her shoulder. "I understand. It's alright, why you didn't want to tell us. Listen, it's gonna be alright, just trust God to work it all out." She smiled at the little girl. "Would you like us to pray and ask Him to help you through this?"

Cassie nodded. Felicity took her hand and bowed her head. She said a prayer for the younger girl, asking God to take care of her and protect her. Cassie held on tight to Adam with her free hand, and Adam decided there was no way he would leave this little girl behind.


	16. The love of a child

**So sorry this took so long. It was a very hard chapter to write and I wanted to get it just right. I hope you enjoy reading.**

After saying goodbye to their traveling companions, and promises of seeing each other in a couple weeks, Adam held tight to Cassie's hand as he pulled her through the mass of people at the station. Cassie had forgotten the bustle of the city in the months she had been on the quiet ranch, and now she missed it more than ever. She squeezed her "adopted father's" hand tighter and wished he could just carry her through the mob. Adam glanced down at her to make sure she was keeping up fine, seeing the forlorn expression on her young face, halted him. In the flow of people leaving the station this action caused angry looks and moans, so as if reading Cassie's mind he scooped the girl into his arms and escaped to the bustling streets of Boston, though there was really no quiet place it would do for allowing conversation. Cassie was happy when he did not make a move to put her down when they got out of the chaos in the rail station.

Stepping out of the way of others ambling along the sidewalk, Adam pulled Cassie from his hip to directly in front of him, without loosening his protective grasp around her middle. Her dark curls bounced from the loose bun that Felicity had done up for her that morning, contrasting with the look of pained reluctance evident in her eyes.

"Cass, you know I'm not going to let anything bad happen, right?" Adam asked his eyes searching hers for any sign that she trusted him, to his relief it came. It did not bring the smile he had hoped but a dutiful nod and the fear in her features dissipated. Adam smiled in spite of her reluctance to, and gently slid her back to the ground, again taking her hand in his.

"How are we going to find her?" The very question on Adam's mind reverberated in his ears in the angelic voice of the little girl that was half-jogging to keep up with his wide stride.

"Well, we can start by asking around about this Richard fellow, but first let's get us a place to stay." Adam responded with a wink trying to lighten the girls mood. Then as an after thought asked. "Where did you live before?"

"In a boarding house on Main St., we packed everything up when we left though, I don't think she would go back there." Cassie shrugged and did a quick skip to catch up again.

"Where did you store your belongings?" Adam questioned hoping for some clue as to where to start there search.

"Ummm, it was with some friend of my mother's. She called her Miss Celeste but I had never met her before then. She was married, I remember that and she called her husband Pastor something. I don't remember his name." Cassie sighed trying to remember all the events that had led up to their haste departure. Adam broke into a smile, that narrowed things down a bit.

"Good. There can only be so many Pastors in the city. If you heard his name would you recognize it?" He asked.

"Maybe, I don't know. But how many can have a wife with the name Celeste, I had never even heard it before then." She gave him a hopeful look.

"Right." Adam said giving her a positive smile which she finally returned with a smile of her own, proud to be able to help in the investigation.

* * *

"Mr. Jacobs?" Adam questioned as the door opened revealing a short man with a thick patch of dark hair to match his dark but cheerful eyes.

"Pastor Jacobs." The gentleman responded putting his hand out for a shake. His eyes suddenly caught sight of the child that stood next to the stranger at his door and it was as if he had seen a long lost relative. "Celeste, come quick." He smiled but made no explanation for his actions then bent down to Cassie's level. "Well, hello, there. I didn't realize you were back in town. How's your mother?" He asked, Cassie looked up at Adam unsure of what she should do, he came to her rescue.

"Can we tal..." A woman's voice stopped him from completing the request.

"Cassie?" The blonde woman smiled, her eyes lighting up. The woman passed her husband and extended her arms out to Cassie, though the girl didn't know her very well she welcomed the woman's comforting embrace. Then she looked up as though just realizing that a man accompanied the girl instead of her mother. "Where's Maggie?" The simple question was etched with concern.

"Can we talk inside?" Adam finally finished his request.

"Yes, of course. Come in." Pastor Jacobs said as he stepped aside. His wife led them to the parlor and motioned for them to have a seat.

"Would you like some coffee or milk?" She offered.

"No, thank you." Adam refused and then turned to Cassie, the girl shook her head then scooted closer and clung to his arm.

"It is much to long of an explanation as to why we are here to get into, but we have to know if you have seen Maggie since she left here in the spring?" Adam got right to the point, he could see the wariness of both of them to give out information and he could also see the concern on the woman's face. He wondered how close that Maggie had been to this woman.

"Sir, with all due respect we don't know you at all, Maggie is like a daughter to us. I have one question that I want answered before we go anywhere else and I want the truth. Why do you have Cassie?" Adam felt the girl on his arm tightened her grip.

"I understand your concern. Maggie was employed to take care of my daughters for the summer, when she left suddenly, she left without her daughter. The explanation goes much more in depth but for times sake, I will leave it at that." Adam explanation was met by shock reflecting off of the couples' faces. He realized that they had said she was like a daughter to them, her connection here ran much deeper than he originally thought, somehow he knew there was no chance of him leaving this house without the full explanation.

"Oh, Maggie." The sigh escaped from the lady's mouth before she could stop it, and a pained expression replaced the shock.

"What was your name?" The man across from him asked.

"Adam...Adam Cartwright. I am sorry I guess with the urgency I am facing, common courtesy escaped me." He apologized hoping that would not affect their opinion of him.

"Adam, I think it would be best for you both to stay the night here, that way you may have all the time you need to explain the situation to us." Jacobs offered, though it was more of a warning. Tell all or learn nothing. Adam nodded resigned to the fact but thankful that Maggie had people who cared about her this much. Adam watched as Miss Celeste took a seat by her husband, neither looked to be much more than forty-five, both eyes focused on him.

Adam started from the beginning only briefly explaining his wife's sudden death, then on to explain his predicament and how he had known Maggie from going to college with her late husband. Both acknowledged that they knew Will, and thought highly of him. Cassie found her voice and filled in on what she knew of why they had left, which was not much. Between the two they filled the couple in on the entire story.

"We have not seen Maggie since she returned, hadn't even known she was back in Boston till you showed up." The Pastor shook his head resignedly. His wife looked past Adam to Cassie who was now half-asleep on his arm.

"I'll take her to the spare room." She smiled sadly at the young girl. Adam gently moved Cassie away from him so that he was able to get his arm under her and then lifted her, gently cradling her against his chest as though she were a baby. After leaving her with Miss Celeste, he found his way back to the parlor.

"Now can you tell me how you know Maggie?" Adam asked, hoping for further understanding of the woman he had come to care for. The thought made the hair on his neck stand up and left a bitterness in his mouth, he had thought she was a woman that eventually he might come to love but after this, how could he?

"We have known her since she was just a little girl, knew her mother too." The Pastor stopped in contemplation.

"Why did she leave?" Adam asked hoping to get the answer to a question that Maggie had not been able to.

"Well, no one can say for sure, though many think that her husband drove her away." He replied.

"Maggie's mother told her she would be better off with her father because he was rich and she had nothing." Miss Celeste added as she joined them. "Then left just like that, without another word. Never to be heard from since, at twelve the girl was heartbroken to be left with only her father who cared very little for her."

"Mr. Bessent was a business man through and through, never had a feeling for those around him everything he did was for money. Maggie spent a lot of time with us, more so after her mother left. She became like a daughter to us, and well her father could careless where she was. Until she became of age, then he realized that by marrying her off he could keep his law firm in the family and extend his business as well as secure life long funds. A young but innovative lawyer, Richard Mantle, was his answer to this." The man patiently explained and Adam took it all in.

"Maggie came to us a little before her father had decided her future for her, and told us that she had fallen in love with Will McCoy. But she didn't know how to tell her father because she knew he would never approve." His wife picked up the story. "We told her she had to be honest with him, but when she told him, he flew off the handle scaring the poor girl into promising to never see him again. He told her he had the man she would marry picked out and she had already been promised to him."

"Maggie came to us that night confused and hurt. She told us everything and we agreed that she could stay with us that night. After discussing things with Will they decided on a short engagement and married within the week, Maggie stayed with us until the wedding. Her rebellion infuriated her father and Richard, her father refused to speak to her until she came to her senses and fulfilled her promise to him. Though it hurt Maggie to be disconnected from her father it hadn't been much different than most of her life. She spent seven happy years with Will in the same city as her father but they never spoke, Cassie never even met the man. He died a few years ago, I was there with Maggie, his only words to the girl before he died was that he was disappointed in her but now it was even more critical that she keep her promise." The man shook his head in disgust. "Such horrible words to hear from a father, no matter how good or bad of a father he may have been, every child desires a proud parent."

Adam nodded thinking of his own father, through all that Ben Cartwright had been through, he had always been there for his sons and were sure to tell them, they had made him proud. Though he sympathized more with Maggie than before, still nothing could excuse her leaving her daughter behind.

"After Will died, she was so distressed. She stayed with us for some time before she was able to get back on her feet and go on with life, a couple weeks later she moved back to her house. Apparently, Richard Mantle found out that she was a widow and began calling on her. One night she came with packed bags and boxes of stuff, asking if she could store them here until they returned. She wouldn't answer all of our questions, just saying that she needed to get away. That is the last we have heard of her since spring." Mrs. Jacobs said sadly. The conversation lapsed into silence as the story ended, Adam did not know what to make of it all, he seemed to understand the whole story now, other than one side. Probably the most important side, but to him it did not make a difference, there was no forgivable explanation for leaving Cassie.

"I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree." Adam's exasperated statement was not supposed to reach the ears of those across the room from him but in the silence they easily heard it.

"Oh, no. Adam, your wrong there. Maggie may not be perfect but none of us are. She grew into a wonderful young woman in spite of her heartache. We were quite proud of her, making a life for herself built on love, when the only thing she had been taught was rejection and the desire for money. She broke the chain and did what was right in the face of adversity from the most difficult adversary, her own parents." Miss Celeste defended her "adopted daughter".

"I didn't mean any disrespect, ma'am. Maybe that's what she was like before, but now she has done the very thing that her mother did. Putting her daughter through it, after knowing how it feels." Adam said solemnly, not allowing the sweet woman to change his mind, wrong was wrong.

"There must be a reason for it, you have no idea what Richard is like. Her hand could have been forced, he could have left her no other way out." She offered, but Adam just lowered his eyes still not thinking even that made it acceptable.

* * *

Adam awoke the next morning, stretching the aches and pains out of his back and muscles, the couch had not been his first choice but with Cassie in the guest bed there had been no other option. The night before had ended strained and uncomfortable, it was obvious that Miss Celeste had been as unable to believe that Maggie was guilty as Adam thought she was innocent.

Sitting up, he realized that no body else in the house was up. He quickly readied himself to leave, leaving a note on the table detailing why he had left so early and saying when he would return, he left the house at a brisk pace.

Cassie wandered out of the guest bedroom to the sound of voices in the kitchen, she glanced around and did not see Adam, worry etched her young features. But before she could asked any questions Celeste moved over to the girl and handed her a note. Cassie's heart lurched at the thought that he might have left her, but then after quickly scanning the note she saw that he would return before dinner, _hopefully_.

Adam knew that the Jacobs' would take good care of Cassie but he still felt unsure of his decision to do this without her. After contemplating late into the night, he decided that though it would be hard for Cassie to be left behind it would be easier than surprising her mother and possibly facing out and out rejection. The Jacobs' had been nice enough to give him clear directions on how to find Mr. Mantle's house or mansion what ever you might call the three story stone building.

Adam knocked at the door, expecting to talk to a servant, he was just as surprised as she, when Maggie opened the door. Her eyes bulged and mouth gaped, Adam's eyes grew dark and his prepared smile turned into a frown. Maggie quickly looked around and stepped aside, not wanting anyone to see them meet she did not want him standing at the front door for all of Boston to see.

"Come in." Her voice wavered and it was impossible to hide her shock and horror. "Please, come to the study, we can talk privately." Adam nodded and followed her, questions wanting to spill out his voice would not come to him. He had thought he mentally prepared himself for this, going over what he would say and how he would conduct himself. However, he had never expected the pain in his throat and chest, or the mixed emotions that clouded his thinking. _How could she just stand before him pretending like this was a social call. Formality. She always hid behind that facade, had from the very beginning, it was her escape from reality. _

Maggie's own thoughts were crowded with questions and feelings that she had pushed behind her, refusing to think about. She could not make sense of anything at that moment and was just thankful that she had the presence of mind to take him to a room instead of conducting this conversation on the porch. "What are you doing here?" Was the first question that she could make sense of enough to ask.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Adam responded his voice harsh and his eyes penetrating. She shrunk back, averting her eyes, there had been times that Adam had been upset with her but this was different.

"My business is none of your concern, though I have a right to know as you have come seeking me." She finished sounded much stronger than she felt. Adam looked at her in disbelief.

"None of my concern, may I remind you that up until you took off without a word, I was your employer. As for rights, you sure didn't care about your daughter's right to know why her mother deserted her." Adam accused through clenched teeth, this was not the way he had planned it at all but his temper had taken control and apparently so had hers.

"That's quite enough, I will not be insulted in my own house. You may leave." Maggie shot back her eyes reflecting the anger in her voice, though as with most women the tears were close behind the outburst, but she did her best to hold them back.

"Your house? Tell me was getting all the luxuries you could dream of worth losing your daughter?" The question was filled with accusation.

"You may leave now!" She yelled in an almost inaudible voice, the tears threatening to overflow she turned her back to him. Realizing that his temper had gotten the better of him and at this rate he would get no where with her, he changed his approach.

"Stop this, Maggie, just stop it." His command came out more as a plea. "This isn't the Margaret McCoy I met in Virginia City or in Boston all those years ago, what happened to that strong, caring woman?" The softness in his voice was a rather soothing change and allowed Maggie to control her emotions enough to face him again, though she still could not look him in the eye. He stepped closer to her and gently grasped her forearms. "This isn't you. What happened?"

"Your wrong, Adam. This is me." She said stubbornly pulling away from him, the slight hope she had seen in his eyes faded and was replaced by the darkness that had shadowed his brown eyes when he had first seen her.

"I brought Cassie with me." He said simply and waited for her reaction.

"Here, in Boston?" She asked though her question did not require an answer. Adam just nodded his reply. "Please, take her back with you. She is better off with you, please believe me." She begged.

"I didn't come to leave her where she is unwanted, I came in hopes that you would come back with us, for Cassie, she needs her mother." The request made Maggie's heart split in two, she had so hoped that he would ask her to stay when she was in Nevada but now it was to late, besides he was asking on behalf of her daughter not for himself. All he would offer her was a job, not marriage. Shouldn't her daughter be worth returning even to live a life as an old maid? The thought shocked her and she almost accepted his petition but then reality had its way of ruining everything. She was already engaged, Richard would never let her leave, and if she did without his consent, he would ruin her father's name forever. This was the only way to preserve her father's name and honor, but in the process she had done the very same despicable and unforgivable crime that her mother had committed.

Adam waited for an answer, his heart hoping that she would say yes and come back to them, but knowing he could never love her. At the thought, the memory of what the Pastor's wife had said in her defense the night before came to him, no body is perfect. Sarah was. The thought popped into his head before he could stop it. But the thought of her did not hurt quite as much as before. No, Sarah had not been perfect, maybe as close as they came.

"I cannot." Maggie breathed the words out, barely able to say them with her voice failing her. The answer to his question shattered his thoughts and hopes for any kind of restoration for Cassie's sake, and for his.

"Cassie will want to see you, before we go." He said resigned.

"No, it would only make it harder." She refused, seeing the last shred of respect for her leave his eyes.

"For her or for you?" He questioned venom saturating his words.

"For her of course. It is just better this way. Goodbye, Adam." She said with little to no feeling, only because if she had showed any, she would not have been able to control her tears.

"Mrs. McCoy." Adam gave a curt nod and held her gaze for a moment before she looked at the floor. He left the room, showing himself to the door, the last little seed in his heart that cared about her died as he shut the door.

Maggie ran to the door and watched him walk away from the window, tears spilled uncontrolled down her cheeks and as he disappeared sobs wracked her body. She leaned against the door for support, she let it all out.

"Maggie?" Richard called as he came down the hallway. Maggie's eyes shot toward the direction his voice had come from, she tried to brush away the tears but she knew it was hopeless. "There you are." Then he stopped short at the sight of her. Her dark brown eyes, red and puffy, were glossed over, tears spilled uncontrolled down her cheeks. "What happened?" He question with as much concern as he could put into his voice. Maggie noticed the strain in his voice as he asked and tensed.

"Nothing, I am fine." She said with a strength that she did not feel. He eyed her suspisciously.

"Tell me." The command did not come from sympathy for her or the anger he felt inside, but more from curiosity as to what brought this once strong woman to tears.

"I...I just saw a little girl as I walked here that looked very much like my Cassie." She blinked back the tears as she continued the lie. "I just needed a moment to grieve, as could be expected from any mother." She held her head high but could not bring herself to look at the anger in his face for speaking of her daughter.

"Well, now that you have, we can be over and done with it. Go freshen up, we cannot have anyone see you like this." He commanded. Maggie nodded and walked passed him barely glancing up, she could see him mask the anger before he looked away from her.

As Maggie disappeared, a knock came at the door, Richard waited for a maid to answer but when none came readily, he answered himself. He eyed the two curiously as he greeted them, they looked familiar but he could not place their faces, then wondered why they would be at his house. "What can I do for you?" He asked politely to the dark haired young man, smiling courteously at the red headed beauty that stood next to him. Before the young man could answer the young lady smiled and through her arms around him.

"Daddy, it's so good to see you!" She squealed.

A feeling of dread rose in Richard as he held the young lady in his arms, glancing at the boy he now knew to be his son, he questioned him with his eyes. Will stood back watching his little sister greet their father, he saw the question in the man's eyes and suddenly realized that their father was not expecting him.

"Oh, Daddy, I've been waiting for this all week!" Felicity exclaimed pulling away to stare at him but leaving her arms around his neck.

"Oh, yes, sweetheart. I have been also." He stumbled over his words trying to replace the shock with a smile. Then glancing at Will. "How...how long are you staying again?" He questioned.

Will set his jaw and anger flashed in his eyes, but for his sister, he kept his voice steady. "Three weeks, just like you requested." He said pointedly. Richard was about to explain that he made no such request when he saw the excitement in the young lady's face that stood with her arms around his waist.

"Yes, that is right. Uh, we will have to discuss that...but for now I will have my maid show you to your rooms so that you may get freshened up from your long trip." He said uncomfortably.

"I don't mind, I'd rather just spend time with you." Felicity smiled at him then buried her face in her father chest.

"Yes, well I would enjoy that as well but it will not take much time at all and you will feel much better. So I insist." He pushed hoping she would give in. "Hetty!" He called.

"Alright, I guess we do have three weeks to spend together." She gave in but smiled up at him excitedly. The maid walked in and Richard told her to take Felicity up to the spare. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then hurried after the maid, chattering about how exciting it all was.

"You cannot stay here for three weeks." Richard spit out, his own eyes now reflecting his anger.

"Tell that to her." Will shot back, pointing where Felicity had just disappeared. Richard shoulders sagged. "I won't have you hurt her. So you had better make a good excuse."

"Why should I come up with a good excuse or care about hurting her. It was not I who brought her here or request that she come." He yelled on the verge of losing his temper altogether.

"I would not have brought her here but mother would not allow her to travel on her own and she desperately wanted to see you. The letter that you sent requesting us was probably another attempt of Mother's to make us feel as though you still loved us." Will sighed running his hand through his thick hair. Their mother had tried desperately not to let her children know what their father was really like, from the time they were little till now she made up stories of why he had to leave and always made him a hero. Will had realized what kind of a man he truly was when he was ten and eleven years later he had not changed a bit. Felicity always believed her mother's tales and to her, her father was a hero and the perfect father.

"Listen, I do not know what kind of a silly joke this was but you cannot stay here. Tomorrow you will get back on that train and go home." He commanded.

"I do not have to do as you say. Our tickets are scheduled for three weeks from today and whether you let us stay here or not we will be in Boston until then, but try explaining that to Felicity." Will bristled at the idea of being told what to do by this man who made his stomach turn at the sight of him.

At that moment Maggie came back from the powder room, she stopped short at the sight of the angry young man that stood before her husband-to-be. It was impossible not to see the resemblance between the two and her heart lurched at the thought. "Richard who is this?" She asked in an unsteady voice as she walked closer trying to hide her concern.

"This is Will, a young man I knew a long time ago. Now will you please excuse us?" He said with an edge to his voice. Will gave her a polite smile and stuck out his hand.

"I'm Maggie." She shook his hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs..." He stopped hoping she would give him her last name, he had a strange feeling he had just met his father's wife.

"Mrs. McCoy." Maggie smiled. "If you'll excuse me." She said as she headed back for the kitchen. Will smiled until she disappeared and then set a hard gaze back on his father.

"So what last name do you go by here?" Will asked.

"My last name is Mantle." He answered honestly.

"So what of Tucker?" He asked. "Is our last name fake?"

"No, that was your mother's maiden name. Apparently, your mother decided to use it after I left." He explained unconcerned.

"Which time?" He glared not really expecting the question to be answered, just pointing out the fact that he had come and gone more times than any one could count.

"You will leave tomorrow, I'll explain to Felicity that I have an out of state business trip that I cannot postpone." Richard offered.

"You don't know Felicity, she'll beg to go with you." He said hatred seeping into every word.

"Well, what do you suggest?" He asked growing more upset.

"Let her stay the time that she expected. She is growing up, probably will get married soon. She just wants to spend time with her hero." Will begged for his sister's sake.

"That is not possible three weeks would never work." Richard declined thinking of his upcoming marriage to Maggie.

"Then make it one week or a couple of days." He offered a compromise.

"I have business in England, yes, that is it. There is no way she can ask to go out of country with me. I am leaving tomorrow and cannot postpone it." Richard finished proud of his good thinking.

"Fine, but we will still be in Boston for three weeks, we cannot afford to change our tickets for tomorrow." Will said defeated.

"That will never work. Boston may be large but how can we be sure that we will not run into each other for the next three weeks?"

"You could actually go to England like you said, so that you would be telling the truth for once."

"I will pay for you to change your ticket." Richard offered angrily.

"No, I will not accept money from you. You may still be Felicity's father but you stopped being mine along time ago." Will was beginning to struggle with being in the same room as this man he so utterly detested.

"Let me put it this way. Either you let me pay to change your ticket or I tell Felicity that I never wanted her to come in the first place, that I am moving on with my life and she is no longer a part of it." His low growl and angry eyes reminded Will of the rabid coyote he had come across that earlier that summer.

"Fine." Will said through his teeth.

"You will go right now before she comes back, I will explain it all to her and you will both be ready to leave tomorrow." Richard was satisfied, took money from his suit coat and handed to the young man. "Meyers will give you a ride to the station."  
"No, I'd rather walk." Will said taking the money, turning on his heal, and walking out the door.

* * *

Felicity finished pinning her hair into a curly bun at the nape of her neck, and smiled in the mirror. Nothing could ruin her day. Glancing around the beautiful room, she sat in, she began to wonder how her father afforded such a magnificent home. _If he could afford a place like this why hadn't he come home? _She would make a point to ask him later, maybe it did not cost as much as it looked like it did. She danced around the room in her simple brown traveling dress, looking as out of place as a popper in a palace. But that did not bother her a bit, everything was wonderful because she was with her father again.

Downstairs, Richard had headed off to find Maggie. "There you are dear, you must forgive me but I suddenly became very busy and I'm afraid dinner will not work tonight. I'll have Meyers take you home and I will see you tomorrow." He kissed her forehead and gave her a big smile.

"Richard who was that young man you were talking to, really?" She questioned him.

"I told you he is just a young man I've known for a while. Now please I must go see to my business." He ushered her impatiently to the door. She eyed him suspiciously but allowed him to lead her outside to the buggy. Without so much as a goodbye, he headed out with instructions to Meyers to take Mrs. McCoy home. Maggie sat as the buggy rolled away thinking about the strange circumstances of the day. She could not even concentrate on her future husband's guest, her mind always returning to her unwelcome visitor. The harsh thought surprised her.

_This is Adam I'm talking about. Had things really changed so much that I can consider this man unwelcome, an intruder? How could I think that after all he did for me, he even gave me a job and cared for me and my daughter? No, he didn't love me but how could I ask that of him? He even tried to fix things when I messed them all up, he brought my daughter all the way here for me. Cassie! Cassie is here. Oh, I wish I could see my little girl, but it wouldn't be fair to her. Why can't I just go back with them and pretend this never happened? Just go back to the quiet ranch, to Cassie, Emily, and Katie. Emily that dear child probably hates me now and she has every right to, I guess. Oh, how I miss Katie's excitement, her laugh and joy._

Maggie quickly wiped away the moisture in her eyes, everything in her wondered if it had been a mistake. She glanced around, Meyers was carefully driving through the streets of Boston, paying no mind to her. _I can't go back there, I have to make my father proud. But in the process, I am doing just what my own mother did to me, aren't I? They all probably hate me for what I did, they could never forgive me, especially Emily and Adam. No, I am not welcome there anymore than Adam is welcome here. No, that's it, I've made my decision._

* * *

Felicity sat in front of the mirror fixing her hair, she pinned the last bit up and looked at herself, satisfied. Pushing back in her chair, she look around her beautiful room. She stood up in her bare feet and danced about the room excitedly letting her nicest green dress flow around her ankles. The room was fancy and made her look out of place even in her best attire._ How can Daddy afford such a place?_ The question shocked felicity even as she thought it._ He said he would come home as soon as he had the money but surely with a place like this he has the money._ She sat down on the bed gently rubbing her hand over the sky blue bedspread. _Surely, there is some explanation. I will ask him._

With that Felicity headed out the door to find her father, stopping at the top of the stairs she suddenly realized she had not put her shoes on. She just shrugged, it was her father's house after all, and head down the stairs. "Daddy?" She called as she entered the foyer, the tile floor was cold against her feet and she wished she had put shoes on.

Richard sat in his study, leaning back in his chair, staring out the window in deep thought. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of green in the doorway. Looking up he saw Felicity standing before him, her hair done up nicely, and smiling. "I almost gave up looking for you, this is a very large house." She said as she took a step further into the room.

"Oh, yes. Well, I am glad you found me. Please have a seat." He gestured to a chair on the opposite side of his desk.

Felicity sat down, feeling more like she was in a business meeting than talking with her father. Things were different with him, she was not oblivious to the change, but nothing was going to spoil her time with her father. "It feels like forever since I last saw you." She pointed out.

"It hasn't been more than a few months." Richard said with little feeling.

"It's been seven months. I know these things take time, but it gets hard to wait." Felicity smiled sheepishly.

"Your right, it is taking a while. And that brings me to something I need to discuss with you." Richard leaned forward in his chair, not looking forward to this conversation.

"Go ahead." She said nervously.

"You see, business has been growing tremendously and a while back the need came up to take a business trip overseas to England. I put it off for as long as I could but I just found out earlier this week that unless I leave now, I lose the contract." He said in the most disappointed voice he could muster.

"Your leaving." Felicity's voice cracked. Richard saw the shine leave her eyes and her shoulders slump. He never realized that his daughter's disappointment would affect him.

"Tomorrow." He said solemnly now almost wishing he could take the words back.

"I don't understand, why did you send for us?" She said as she held her tears in check.

"As I said I just found out a few days ago, there was no way to contact you in time. I wouldn't go if I didn't have to." He explained.

Felicity didn't respond. It was all she could do not to cry, sitting there staring at the floor. Wondering why this had to happen. When she finally found her voice, it was quiet and none of her earlier joy remained. "When will you come home?" The question came as a shock to Richard, he had not expected this and he didn't have a ready answer for her.

"As soon as I can." Came his vague reply.

"Daddy, you have to have enough money now. Look at this beautiful house you have. Please just come home." Felicity pleaded her eyes clouded over with tears and she tried to blink them away, but one single tear escaped and fell down her cheek.

"You cannot understand things here in the city, dear. I do not own this house, I still am far away from having the funds that we need." He softened as he saw the tears stain her cheek, he wanted to reach out and comfort her but he wasn't sure how or if it would be welcome.

"I don't care, we don't care. Forget the money, it would be enough just to have you home for good. We need you, Mother needs you." She wiped away the tears and determination set in.

"Felicity, that isn't practical. I have to provide for my family, this is the only way." He said starting to lose his patience with her. Not because she had made him angry but because she had made him feel guilty The harshness that flickered in his eyes stopped Felicity from begging further, suddenly it became more difficult to control her emotions. A lump formed in her throat, she could not help but wince at the pain as she swallowed it, both physical and emotional. For the first time in her life she wondered if her father really did not want to come home to them, but still nothing was going to ruin her time with him, short as it turned out to be.

"I understand, Daddy." She forced out before managing to replace the hurt on her face with a smile, though Richard noticed that the usual sparkle did not return. "Can you show Will and I around tonight, I would love to see more of Boston." Even though a smile was plastered on her face, she could not seem to force her usual joy into the words, she took a deep, doing her best to blink back more tears.

"Yes, I think that could be arranged. We will leave when Will returns. We can have dinner at one of the nicest hotels, my treat." He smiled at her. Felicity wanted to refuse and tell him to keep his money so that he could come home sooner, but something told her that this might be the last time she spent with her father, that he was never coming home. She nodded, not trusting her voice as she let the horrible truth seep in.

"Well then, why don't you go and change into your nicest dress. I imagine Will should return soon." Richard moved the conversation along, uncomfortable with the hurt he saw in his daughter's eyes.

"Where is Will?" Felicity asked wishing her brother was there, she wanted nothing more than to run into his protective arms and cry her heart out, but that would not do anyway, so it was probably best he was not around.

"He went to the train station to change your tickets so that you can leave tomorrow." Richard explained. "Now go get yourself ready." He stood hoping to move her along.

"This is my nicest dress, I am all ready to go." She shrugged with a little smile touching her lips. He smiled back but not his forced plastered smile, a true genuine smile, and for the first time the smile actually made it to his eyes. Before she could change her mind, Felicity jumped from her chair and moved around the desk, throwing her arms around her father like she had the moment she saw, this time he returned the embrace. "I love you, Daddy."  
The announcement nearly knocked the wind out of Richard as he held the daughter that he had deserted. How could she love him? Out of all the times he had been home, through her entire life it probably would not have even added up to a year. He wondered, if she knew the truth about him, would she still love him. "I love you too." He said barely above a whisper, but did he love her?

* * *

Will walked up the steps the large house that mocked his presence, he dreaded entering it again but knew he had to for Felicity's sake. He had barely shut the door behind him when his bubbly red-headed sister bounded towards him, he could not help but smile at her, though his insides turned.

"Daddy, is gonna show us around and then take us out for dinner!" She exclaimed taking his hand.

"Didn't he tell you?" Will asked, surprised that she was still so excited.

"Yes, he told me. But that just makes it all the more important that we spend as much time together as possible before we have to leave tomorrow. I know your upset, Will, I was too. But just have a good time tonight, for Daddy." Her deep brown eyes pleaded with him. If she asked it for herself, he would have easily complied but could he do this for their father, the man he could barely look at without disgust. His eyes caught something new in his sister's face, she looked older, not like the little girl he had grown up protecting because their father had not been there to do it. He had grown up taking care of his little sister, now she looked like a true lady, strong and capable, like she did not need his protection anymore. His respect for her grew, and he knew he had to comply with her request.

"I will." He managed a smile, still unable to shake the strange feeling that something about her had changed. Her face broke into an even bigger smile, if that was possible, and she dragged him off to get ready for their night with their father.

* * *

Cassie head shot up from her spot at the kitchen table, she had been waiting nervously for Adam to return, every moment that pasted her fear of being deserted grew. She watched the doorway of the kitchen hoping that he would appear, she wanted to run into the parlor and check but something held her to the chair. Relief flooded her body, nearly bringing her to tears when Adam appeared. Nothing held her back now and she ran to him throwing her arms around him. Adam was slightly shocked by his welcome and gently rubbed the girls back, it did not take long for him to realize that Cassie was crying into stomach. With a questioning glance to Miss Celeste that only got a sympathetic shrug, Adam lifted Cassie into his arms and brought he to sit on his lap on the couch.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" He questioned her gently. He heard her suck in a deep breath and let it out shakily. Then she pull away and looked up at him with her tear streaked face.

"I was afraid...that you weren't, weren't..." She could not seem to finish the sentence without her voice cracking, but Adam understood her meaning.

"It's alright, I'm here now." He rubbed her arm in an effort to comfort her. "I told you I wouldn't leave you. Do you trust me, Cass?" He asked firmly but barely above a whisper.

"Yes, I do." She managed a nod her tears subsiding. "Did you see my mother?" The quick change of direction caught Adam off guard, he did not feel quite ready to discuss it with her, but now it was time.

"Yes, I did." He said meaning to continue but stopping to gather his thoughts, Cassie's big brown eyes stared at him waiting for his explanation, finally she could not wait any longer.

"She didn't want to come home with us, did she?" Her question sounded more like a statement to Adam and he realized that Cassie had indeed come to terms with her mother's betrayal. He wondered how the young girl had managed that, when Adam himself could not.

"No, she didn't." He said, preparing himself for more tears but they did not come.

"Can I see her before we leave?" Cassie asked wiping the last bit of tears from her eyes.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Adam said remembering Maggie's words.

"Please, I have to see her, I have to tell her that I'm not mad at her, that I still love her." Her pleading eyes and the innocence of her request moved something inside Adam. "I have to tell her I forgive her." Cassie finished with determination written on her young face. Adam smiled down at her, there was no way he was going to refuse this brave little girl's request, who was he to stop her from doing the right thing.

* * *

The next morning dawned, the weather seemed to be unable to decide whether it should be sunny or if it should rain, and so as a compromise it was lightly drizzling while the sun was warming the early morning. Felicity watched thinking how the controversy of the weather matched the feelings going on inside her, she was not able to decide whether she was to be happy to spend the morning with her father or sad that they were leaving already. So as the weather had chose to do, it seemed as though today was just going to be bittersweet, but for now she would enjoy it as best she could.

The night before had been better than she could have imagined, they had walked through the streets of Boston, she had stood between father and brother holding onto each one's arm. Her father had pointed out of everything for them and then taken them to the nicest Hotel for dinner as promised. She knew that Will had genuinely tried, though he could not seem to even be able to have a polite conversation with their father, but he had been pleasant and at least pretended to enjoy the evening.

Will met her in the hall and they both made their way down to the dining room for breakfast. Will tried his best not to let any of his true feelings show, having to spend the night under his father's roof left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he was rather happy that they were leaving that afternoon. Will was silent through breakfast, knowing very well that if he spoke at all that his words would be laced with the anger he felt inside. Felicity and their father had decided on more site seeing, and though everything in him wanted to stay behind, for Felicity he went along with a word.

* * *

Maggie had a restless night after her encounter with Adam and was anxious to see Richard just to get her mind of the matter. She walked from the boarding house and headed up the sidewalk towards the home she would someday soon share with Richard, the thought filled her with a sense of dread instead of excitement like she thought it would. She quickly brushed the thought aside, she relaxed some as the house came into view.

"Mama!" The excited call sounded a lot like Cassie, but Maggie ignored it having thought that many times from young girls passing in the streets. "Mama." The call came again, closer this time, and Maggie could not help but turn around to look. Cassie was running towards her, she had nearly covered the distance when Maggie finally recovered from the initial shock. Cassie threw her arms around her mother, holding on as if she would never let go. Joy filled Maggie's heart as she held her daughter once again, but then reality hit as Adam walked up. _Oh, why had he brought her here? Why couldn't he have just left?_ Though she tried to ignore the fact, there was no hiding it, she was happy that he had not listened to her.

Cassie pulled away before Maggie was ready to let go, she stared up at her mother with a smile on her face. Maggie was surprised, there was no trace of anger like she had expected. She pulled her daughter back into her embrace, hope stemming from that smile, hope that maybe her daughter still loved her. Cassie pulled away again. "Mother, I had to see you before we left. I know you didn't want to see me but I had too." Maggie shot a glance at Adam wondering why he would have told her daughter that she did not want to see her, but then that is what she had said, it was the truth. Cassie's voice brought her attention back to the girl in her arms.

"I had to tell you that I forgive you, I am not mad at you anymore. I love you, Mama." With that she buried her face in her mother, hugging her with everything she had. Tears sprung to Maggie's eyes, there was no anger in Cassie's voice just love and a tint of hurt that she had tried her best to cover. A second later Cassie pulled away this time completely and walked back to Adam, he gently put a protective arm around her shoulders. Maggie looked from Adam to her daughter, feeling as though this was all a dream and she would wake up to her nightmare. Adam's voice startled her, even though it was kind and caring, it still held an edge that reminded her of his disgust for her.

"The invitation is always open, you will be welcome back at any time. Maybe in time you will stop chasing luxury and ease, and remember that you left the real treasure behind in Virginia City." He pulled Cassie closer to him as if making sure she understood that he meant her daughter. The statement had not been harsh or even said in an excusing tone but it had cut through Maggie like a knife.

"Goodbye, Mama." Cassie said as Adam turned away, she gave her mother one last look that pleaded with her to come with and then followed Adam. Maggie stood frozen in her spot, unchecked tears falling down her cheeks, watching her daughter walk away, she finally awoke to her nightmare.

**I will try to get the next chapter up faster. It should be easier to write, I have most of it planned already. This chapter I had the hardest time deciding what to do with it, sorry if it was kind of depressing, but I wanted you to feel the hurt and the difficulties of our friends, and even the characters we are not to fond of.**


	17. Consequences

"Uncle Joe?" The soft voice startled Joe as he bent over the harness he was working on. He looked up to see Emily walking towards him, the girl had not talked to him in days, just sulked around the house. To see her now walking towards him was a surprise and a relief.

"Ya." He smiled at her.

"I'm sorry." The apology was quiet but true, Emily stared at the floor in shame.

"Your forgiven, Ann." Joe reached out his hand to her, letting her know it was all made right. She did not return the smile but made her way into Joe's arms and buried her head in his shoulder. He could feel the wetness through his shirt but she did not make a sound. "How ya doin?" He asked softly, pulling her away so he could lift her onto his knee. She took a minute, taking deep breaths and wiping her eyes before she answered.

"I miss Daddy...and Mama" She said as more unwanted tears spilled out. "and Cassie and..." She stopped and buried her face again.

"And Maggie." Joe finished her statement sadly. He understood the struggles she was going through, how hard it had to be for a nine year old little girl to lose her mother, then finally trust her heart to another woman just to have it broken again. But it was so hard for her to admit that she missed Maggie because all she wanted to feel was anger towards her, and not have to feel the hurt again.

"I don't miss her." She said sitting up straight and setting her jaw. The repentant, hurt child disappeared immediately and it was impossible to miss the fire in her eyes.

"It's okay to miss her, Ann, she was your friend." He offered wiping a few tears from her cheeks.

"She ruined everything, Uncle Joe." Her eyes pleading with him to understand her anger.

"Not everything." He said softly, placing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "You still have your family and now you have Cassie." He smiled.

"No, cuz Daddy took Cassie away and she didn't want to go, she wanted to stay with us." Emily had calmed down some and now sat on his knee sadly.

"Adam will do what is right, and I am almost sure that either he will be coming back with Maggie and Cassie or at least just Cassie. But he won't leave that little girl behind." His smiled grew.

"Are you sure." She asked skeptically.

"I believe so." He nodded knowing that he was not sure, he had no way of knowing what had happened once they had arrived in Boston and how that could have changed Adam's original plan.

"Promise?" She asked, his heart tightened.

"Ann, I can't promise something I have no control over." He sighed, remembering the last time he had done just that and what came of it.

"Good." She smiled mischievously, Joe furrowed his brow in confusion at first before it hit him.

"You little troublemaker. You were trying to mess me up." He feigned anger at her.

"Nope." She giggled and then grew more serious. "I was just making sure you had learned your lesson." Little Joe could not help but smile at her and then pulled her close with one arm around her back he assaulted her with tickles. She squealed and squirmed until she slid between his legs landing at his feet, she laughed harder. Joe smiled down at her before letting out his contagious cackle, it was so good to see her laugh like that again.

* * *

At the train station, Felicity hugged her father holding on longer than necessary, but the fear of never seeing him again made it harder to let go. "Come on, Lissy. We don't want to miss our train." Will touched her arm gently. She pulled away but still kept her eyes on her father's face.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye." She said staring into his eyes hoping to see the love she desired from him. She had to blink back tears and control her emotions so she could say all that she wanted to but it would be so much easier to curl up against his chest and cling to him until the train whistle blew.

"But it's time." Richard said patting her shoulder, the sadness in his voice sent a warmth through Felicity that was hard to understand, but at least she knew he was not happy to see her go.

"Daddy, I love you." She stopped and swallowed. "I just wanted you to know that I hope you have everything that wanted, and I hope that your new wife will make you happy." She stopped and watched his reaction, his grip on her forearms tightened for a second and disbelief flickered in his eyes.

"What...what do you mean?" He questioned clearing his throat and trying to gain control of the emotions that swirled around inside him.

"I met Maggie this afternoon as I was bringing my belongings to the foyer, we talked for a little while. I just want you to know that I forgive you for all that you have done to us, but Daddy my forgiveness is not what you need. You need God's forgiveness for all the wrong things you've done, all you have to do is believe that Jesus died on the cross for you and that He took the penalty for your sins, ask Him to forgive you and invite Him to be Lord of your life." Felicity pleaded with her father as he stood before her in shock.

"Your train..." Was all Richard managed to get out, leaving an awkward silence as father and son stood in disbelief while his little girl begged him to understand. The train whistle blew, saving Richard from having to say more. Will was awoken from his thoughts, and he picked up his and his sister's belongings.

"Come on, Lis." Will said over his shoulder as he slowly moved toward the train.

"I love you." Felicity tried one more time.

"I love you, too." The words shocked Richard as they came out of his mouth and he was not anymore prepared for the armful of young woman, he got either. Felicity hugged him tighter than ever, joy filling her at those words. Then with a quick peck on his cheek and a last look that spoke more between father and daughter than words could say, she ran off to catch up with Will.

Richard stood and watched his daughter disappear into the train, he did not move from his spot until after the train had pulled away. Her words tortured him as he climbed into his buggy, she knew all that he had done, was still doing, and yet she forgave him and begged him to let God forgive him as well. She still loved him, though she had every right to hate him as much as Will did, she looked past all that and loved him. He thought about marrying Maggie and what that meant to Felicity, yet she wished him well. Suddenly he realized that if Felicity talked to Maggie and found out that they were going to be married, that meant Maggie talked to Felicity and possibly found out that he already was.

He hurried the buggy through the streets, hoping that Maggie would still be at his house so that he could smooth things out with her. But how was he going to do that? It suddenly occurred to Richard that for the first time in his life, things were not going to the way he had planned. He had always been in control, no matter what life had thrown at him, it never took him by surprise, he always had a plan for all the possibilities.

But never had he thought that his wife would send his children for a visit, he never thought that his little girl could bring back feelings that he thought he had put in the past, he never thought that Maggie might find out that he was married and have reason not to marry him. He was reminded what Felicity had said about letting God be the Lord of his life, he shook the thought away, he was the lord of his life. He would find a way to be in control again, he would fix things on his own.

Richard pulled up in front of his house and looked at the building looming before him, the fate of his future rested on the hardheaded woman inside, taking a deep breath he walked towards the door to face the next surprise.

Maggie was pacing the foyer, waiting for Richard to return, her face red with anger and exertion. During her discussion with Felicity, she had heard the girl talk about Richard as her father, after a few questions she realized that Richard was married to the girl's mother. The significance of that short meeting hit her like a feather pillow, the original impact hurt some but then watching the feathers fluff out and float to the ground brought pleasure and freedom.

If Richard was married than it would be a disgrace to marry him, she would not being doing the honorable thing as her father thought she would be bringing shame on her family name. Her father would never expect her to keep her promise and marry such a dishonest, conniving man. She was free. Free from the guilt, free from the burden of carrying out her father's last wishes and carrying on his legacy. She could be with her daughter again.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Richard came into the foyer from the kitchen, he had come through the back door instead of the front as usual. He stopped short, seeing the fire in her eyes, he did not even have to ask if she knew. "Maggie, I can explain." He said, but could he. He had yet to think of an understandable explanation.

"Well, you had better start." She spat at him, though she did not think she would be swayed by any explanation.

"That was all a long time ago, I've moved on with my life since then and this is my life now." He said his voice bordering on weakness. He had always been strong, everything he said was bold and to the point, but he no longer felt that strength, the world he had built for himself was beginning to crash down around him one piece at a time.

"And what happens after we marry and you have my father's inheritance, then will you move on with your life, leaving me out of it." She asked sarcastically, even the thought of marrying him now made her stomach turn. She would not even consider it, but she wanted to make him sweat, and she wanted to know his answer.

"Of course not, I would never do that." He answered abruptly.

"But you have already done it. Richard, my father was an honorable man, and in light of this new information about your true character. I know my father would immediately withdraw from any business deals he might have with you, including the marriage of his only daughter. I am no longer bound by my promise to my father and I will not bring shame on his name by keeping company with you. Have a good life, Mr. Mantle." Maggie lifted her chin high and spun on her heel, headed out the door before he could say another word. She let the door slam shut behind her and knew he was to proud to come out and beg her to stay.

She smiled but only for a moment, walking away, her spirit felt heavy. For now she had another much bigger problem to face. She stopped on the sidewalk out of view of the house she had just retreated from. The fear of facing what she had done overwhelmed her, and she was not sure what to do about it. She started walking again, not back towards the boarding house, this time she headed for the one place she knew she would always be welcome, the one place she had always gone when she did not know what to do, Pastor and Mrs. Jacobs house.

* * *

Cassie sat on the bench next to Adam, waiting for the stage could be loaded so they could make the last leg of the journey home. She smiled at the thought of going home, it was her home, and she was happy about that. She watched Adam's face closely, trying to guess what he was thinking about. Cassie felt safe with him and could honestly say she loved him. Her thoughts turned to her own father, but she knew he would be happy that his best friend was taking care of his little girl.

"What are you thinking about?" She shocked herself as the words came out before she could stop them, she was finding it much easier to talk to Adam, maybe that was because she had learned to trust him.

"I was thinking about home, and seeing Katie and Emily again." He smiled at her happy that she was talking with him. The train ride had been rather quiet, he had not slept well on the ride to Boston and while they were there because he was worrying about what would happen, once they had boarded the train exhaustion had taken it's toll and he fell asleep. Most of the first day had been taken up with sleep for him, he was not sure what Cassie had done. The next two day had been rather quiet and uneventful, though they had talked about a few things here and there. His mind was brought back to their present conversation as Cassie spoke.

"I can't wait to see them, do you think they will be happy that I am living with you now?" She asked.

"They will be ecstatic." He chuckled at the thought.

"I hope so." She said, unsure.

"Don't worry, they will." Adam put his arm around her a gave her a little squeeze.

"Excuse me, sir." Adam looked up to see the stage driver standing in front of them.

"Yes." He answered.

"We was just wonderin if you would mind waiting another two hours to pull out, we got another two travelers expecting to ride with us to Carson City and if we leave now they'll have to wait another three days for a stage." The man explained apologetically.

"That'll be fine, we'll wait." Adam accepted.

"Thank you, sir." The man said and headed back to his duties.

"Does that mean it will be even longer before we get home?" Cassie asked trying to keep herself from sounding like she was whining but failing at it.

"No, it just means we'll be up later tonight. But we'll still be on the same schedule. Just think it might be nice to have more passengers, we might get to know them we did Will and Felicity." He gently patted the side of her head before pulling it towards him to rest on his chest. She relaxed in his arm and soon fell asleep.

* * *

"I just don't understand, you knew?" Will asked exasperated as they sat on the train, the first two days Will had kept silent, mulling over things in his mind but Felicity had finally brought it up.

"Well, I guess in a way I knew. I mean I wasn't oblivious growing up, I knew that our father was never around like other kid's fathers and Mama was never good at lying. But as a little girl I just wanted to think only good of my father, it was easier to think of him as my hero than what he truly was." Felicity shrugged as a child she always found the good in every situation, and there had to be some good in her Daddy.

"A good for nothin' flake." Will stared at her angrily but the anger was not directed at her and she knew it only stemmed from the deep hurt inside him.

"Please Will, don't say things like that." Felicity stared into his eyes. "I was so good at pretending that Daddy was perfect that I guess I just started believing it, but there was no denying it when we were under the same roof as him. He isn't really going anywhere is he? He just wanted us to leave." She asked but already knew the answer, he would not be leaving with his wedding coming up.

"No, he just made that up so that we would have a reason to leave." Will said quietly.

"But why? I mean why did he make it up, he could have just told us the truth." Felicity leaned back against her seat and waited patiently for Will to explain.

"He didn't want to hurt you." Will said simply, then with a sigh. "I didn't want you to get hurt."

"You told him too?" She sat up straight and stared at her brother but he would not meet her eyes.

"I was trying to protect you." His eyes finally reached hers and the helpless expression softened her heart, she could not be mad at him.

"Oh, Will, when are you going to learn that I am a grown woman and sometimes I'm gonna get hurt. You can't protect me from everything, though I am thankful that I have a big brother who cares enough to try." She gave him a huge smile and moved to sit beside him, she rested her hand on his.

"Besides, seeing the sadness in Daddy's eyes when we said goodbye was worth the whole trip, I know he cares and he is going to miss us. He just doesn't know how to show it." Felicity squeezed her brother's hand.

"You can think what you want about him, Lis. But that man doesn't have a bone in his body that cares about his family, he proved that a long time ago." Will returned firmly.

"Maybe, but people change Will, if you gave him a chance you might see that he has changed. I just know he has." She defended.

"That's why he's getting remarried while he is still married to Ma and why he sent his children away the day after they came to visit so he could go on with his life. I don't need to give him a chance, he hasn't change, he won't ever change." Will finished, he did not want to argue this with his sister, he did not want to change her image of their father but he could not stand sitting by listening to her say all these good things about him that could never be true.

She stared at him with her mouth open as though she would defend him further, after a moment she stiffened and left him in his seat, taking her spot across from him. "Those are words spoken in anger, Will." She finally spoke, he thought it sounded a lot like getting reprimanded by his mother. "You will not be able to see a change in him until you are willing to give up your anger and forgive him."

"I won't forgive him, he doesn't deserve it." Will said through his teeth.

"Neither do we, but Jesus willingly went to the cross to die for our sins, so that we could be forgiven. In Romans 5:8 it says "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us." You know that Will, we were just sinners that didn't care a bit about Him yet he still died so that we might have the chance to live." Felicity raised her voice pleading with her brother to understand. "The Bible also says in Matthew 6:14 "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:" Don't you get it Will, your not hurting Daddy by not forgiving him, your only hurting yourself and hindering your walk with God. It doesn't matter if he deserves your forgiveness, your only responsible for your actions not his."

"I'm going for a walk." Will said as he stood, never meeting her gaze, he stepped out of their row and walked down the aisle and out of their car. Felicity looked around thankful that the few others in their car were preoccupied and had not heard their discussion. She did not want anyone thinking badly of her brother, he was a wonderful young man and she knew he loved God with all his heart. But the hurt and anger inside him had never been dealt with and had turned him bitter. She hoped she had not pushed him to far, but she had to have her say.

Will walked aimlessly through the train cars, not paying much attention to a destination, he just needed to get away and think. As he walked he thought about his sister's words. There was no doubt in his mind that what she said was true, just as she had, he had learned these truths as a young boy. But Richard Mantle did not deserve to be forgiven! Felicity words stopped him, Jesus had forgiven him when he did not deserve it.

Will stopped outside of one of the train cars and leaned against the railing to watch the scenery fly past. He knew without a doubt that he had been forgiven, he also knew that as a child of God he was to forgive others, even when they did not deserve it. He also knew that it was wrong of him to carry bitterness and he knew Felicity was right, staying angry only affected him.

He ran his hand down his face, but though he knew all that, he still could not bring himself to let go. He could not bring himself to forgive, it was just to hard. Words his mother had spoken to him as a young child came back. _Son, when things get to hard or seem impossible to accomplish, give them to God. He will always be there for you and is just waiting to take your burden. When something is to hard for you to do, ask God to help you do it, He will, because God loves you. _He smiled at the memory, his mother had always cared so much, Felicity reminded him a lot of their mother.

Will took another look at the scenery before bowing his head, with his elbows resting on the railing, he clasped his hands together and prayed in his heart. _Lord, I have to be honest with you, I have no desire to forgive my father even though I know it is the right thing to do. After all he has done, I just am not ready to let go of the hurt he has caused me, I can't let go of my anger. God, I want to forgive him because I know it is right, but I need your help, I need you to give me the desire to forgive him, I need you to help me let go of the past so that I can go on with my life. Please, help me Father. Amen._ He finished the prayer and opened his eyes but he did not raise his head, he stared at the blur of ground moving quickly by. His heart felt a little lighter, and he knew that God would answer his prayer, that he was already working in his heart. Though he still did not feel ready to forgive, he felt a little shred of bitterness fall away.

Will made his way back to the car that Felicity was waiting for him in, he saw her face light up when he entered, and he sat down, beside her this time. Placing his hand over hers, he gave her a smile and then looked at her seriously. "Lissy, I know you are right, but this is something I have been carrying with me so long, I am not sure how to let it go. I have asked God to help me, and I know He will, but your going to have to be patient with me."

"Oh, Will. I'm so glad for you!" She threw her arms around his neck and held him for a moment before pulling away. "I will continue you to pray for you and I know God will help you." She smiled. Will smiled back at her, knowing that she had been praying for him for a long time, and just maybe God had been working in his heart for some time, to prepare him for this day.

The conductor entered their car and made his way to their seats. "Sir, I just wanted to let you know we received word at our last stop that the stage will wait a few more hours for your arrival. Sorry for taking so long to tell you we had a little lapse in communication." The balding man smiled sheepishly.

"Nothing to be sorry about sir, and thank you for telling us. I am glad to hear it." Will smiled up at the elderly man who now returned it with big smile of his own.

"Good. I'll be seeing ya then." He nodded his head and walked off in the direction he came.

"Looks like we'll be home in a couple of days." Will smiled at his sister.

"It'll be good to be home." Felicity leaned back against her seat, content. "Will you go see Adam about that job when we get back?"

"As soon as I can, I don't want to miss out on that opportunity." He replied thinking about finally working as a cowboy.

"Will you take me with you?" She asked sweetly, Will rolled his eyes and then put his arm around her shoulders pulling her closer to him.

"Yes, if not for any other reason, so that I don't have to listen to you whine and beg to get your way." He said with a hint of play in his voice.

"I don't whine!" Felicity pulled back and looked him in the eye when she saw the playfulness in her brother's eyes she leaned back towards him. "Well, maybe a little, but it usually works." Will chuckled.

"Why don't you get some rest? You know how hard it'll to relax on the stage." He said putting his arm back around her.

"I love you, Will." She said as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I love you too, Lissy." He whispered to his little sister and wondered where the years had gone, she was not quite the little girl she used to be, in fact, she was nearly a woman.

* * *

"Cassie, wake up. The train just arrived the other passengers should be here soon." Adam gently patted the young girl's arm, she lifted her head out of his lap and looked up at him with tired eyes. "We should get aboard so that we're ready."

"I can't wait to get home." Cassie said quietly, she did not want to complain but it was getting harder and harder not too, it seemed like they would never get there.

"Me neither." Adam smiled at her and held his hand out, she clasped it and he pulled her up to stand beside him.

"Adam, Cassie?!" They both turned towards the voice, when Cassie saw Felicity heading towards them she let go of Adam's hand and ran towards her. When they met, the two embraced, Adam caught up and shook Will's hand.

"It's good to see you too again so soon." Adam said to Will.

"You too." Will smiled, glancing back at his sister. Felicity turned to Adam.

"I never thought we would be on the stage back with you, but I couldn't be happier." She smiled back down at Cassie.

"Well, we should get going, we don't want to hold them up any longer than we already have." Will said calmly picking up their luggage. They all made their way to the coach and climbed in, Adam let the driver know they were ready and within ten minutes they were bumping down the road.

The first part of the evening was rather quiet, neither party really wanted to ask the other how their trip had gone, knowing the only polite thing would be for them to ask in return, and neither wanted to discuss it.

"Felicity, did you get to see your dad?" Cassie finally spoke up.

"Why don't you just call me Lissy? All my friends do." Lissy smiled at her but Adam did not miss the change in her demeanor.

"Alright, but did you?" Cassie reiterated not forgetting her question.

"Cass, it's not polite to ask questions like that." Adam said gently, knowing questions like that were probably actually considered proper, but in this case he guessed they were personal.

"It's alright, Adam." Lissy offered. "I don't mind."

"Alright." Adam consented noticing Will shift uncomfortably.

"Yes, we did see my father, for a short time. He was rather busy so we couldn't stay long, but it was wonderful none the less." She said with enthusiasm, Cassie was listening intently but Adam was watching the young man across from him and the way his features tensed.

"Did you have fun to, Will?" Cassie asked innocently. Will stiffened and then with a deep breath answered.

"It was fine, but I'm glad to be getting home." Will nodded and then looked back out his small window.

"Did you get to see your mother?" Felicity asked carefully, it was Adam's turn to stiffen.

"Yes, not for very long either." Cassie said quietly.

"I'm sorry." She sympathized.

"Thanks, but it was still worth the trip." Cassie smiled and glanced at Adam out of the corner of her eye, but he did not seem to share her opinion. They lapsed into silence for the rest of the trip that evening. When they made it to the Way station it was late and they all collapsed into the cots and fell asleep with out much comment.

The next morning, Adam had decided to ride up with the driver and Will was leaning up against the window with his eyes closed enjoying the warmth of the sun.

"Lissy, did it hurt that your father was to busy for you?" Cassie asked quietly, hoping she would not mind the question.

"To be honest, yes, it hurt very much. Did your mother staying in Boston hurt?" Felicity asked feeling that the girl was trying to lead the conversation that direction. She was right. They both seemed to figure that Will was asleep and though he felt bad listening to what seemed to be a private conversation, he was also intrigued by it. So, he didn't move even though his gut twisted when Felicity had talked about being hurt.

"I guess, ya. I think it hurt more because she didn't want to see me. Did your father want to see you?" She asked again, taking comfort in the idea that she was not the only one feeling this way.

"No, actually he wasn't. He didn't even know we were coming and made it quite clear that he didn't want us to say. Though he never said that to me, he only said it to Will." She glanced at her sleeping brother and then back to Cassie. "But I knew, from the very beginning. You know what I take comfort in knowing? He may not have been happy to see us, but I know he was sad to see us go. It's not much but I can hang onto that."  
"My mother wasn't happy to see us go either, she looked downright heart-broken. I just don't understand why she wouldn't come with us. I told her I forgave her for everything and Adam told her she was always welcome back at the Ponderosa, but she just stood there crying watching us leave." Cassie sighed blinking back tears, she was determined not to cry anymore.

"I'm glad you could forgive her, Cassie. I forgave my father too, right before we got on the train and even though it didn't change anything, it made me feel better. I knew at least I had done the right thing." Felicity told her. Will throat ached as he tried to discreetly swallow the lump that had risen in it. This little girl could bring herself to forgive her mother but he could not bring himself to, even though that was the mature and right thing to do.

"I know. I just don't understand why she wanted to stay with that Richard guy, I mean Mr. Mantle." She corrected realizing that had been disrespectful, but buy the look on Felicity's face she had done something awful. "I'm sorry, I know that was disrespectful." She said shyly.

"No, no it's fine. Who was your mother staying with?" She asked her voice shaking ever so slightly.

"Mr. Richard Mantle, he's a banker. I never liked him but she did, that's why she went back to Boston, he is gonna marry her, but he didn't want me." She told the heartbreaking story as nonchalantly as possible. Will sat up and looked at his sister, by the look he gave her she knew he had not been asleep and had just heard this news.

"I'm very sorry to hear that," Felicity swallowed the pain in her throat as she spoke. "Why don't you get some rest, I think we all could use it." Cassie did not argue, she felt the sudden tension and though she was curious as to why, she also was not sure she wanted to know.

That evening at the Way station, Will and Felicity sat quietly, supper was over and everyone had gotten ready for bed or as ready as they could get while sharing the one room building.

"Adam, could I speak with you for a moment?" Will asked standing to his feet when Adam entered the room.

"Sure, wanna step outside?" Adam offered, with a nod from Will they both made their way to the door. Felicity fought the urge to listen at the door and instead focused on keeping Cassie distracted.

"Sir, Felicity and Cassie were talking about their trip, when we discovered some startling news and well I feel that you need to know." He stopped to give Adam and himself a moment to collect there thoughts.

"Go ahead." Adam encourage though he was wary to hear what the young man knew.

"Cassie said that her mother went back to Boston to marry a man by the name of Richard Mantle. Is that right?" He confirmed before continuing.

"Yes." Adam replied and suddenly had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"Sir, Richard Mantle is our father." Will said quietly. Adam's suspicion proved correct. Adam let out a long breath and ran a hand down his face.

"Does Cassie know?" He asked his shoulders feeling heavier.

"No, we didn't mention it to her, we thought if you wanted her to know it would be best coming from you." Will spoke carefully. "Before you make any assumptions, would you allow me to tell you a little more about the situation."  
"I don't need to know anymore and I never intended to make any assumptions regarding you and your sister's character, if that's what your meaning. I have seen for myself what kind of people you are and this does not change my opinion." Adam firmly explained.

"I'm sorry, I should have known." Will gave a sheepish but grateful smile. "Felicity said that her and Cassie's mother spoke, I believe she knows about us now."

"When did this happen?" Adam asked concern etching his voice, he wanted to believe that the minute Maggie knew he was married she would leave him but he could not help but wonder if she already had known.

"Just before we left for the station, Felicity said she seemed rather surprised and upset." Will said. Adam was relieved to know that she most likely had not known, now they would just have to wait and see what she would do.

"Will you tell Cassie?" Will asked out of curiosity.

"No, I think it best not to get her hopes up. It's been hard enough on her without the constant waiting and hoping that she will come home." Adam glanced back at the building where Cassie was getting ready for bed.

"I can say from experience that not knowing the truth is a whole lot worse than the waiting, but even so, she will wait, every day she will wonder if her mother will come back to her." The young man spoke with such empathy that it was clear he understood the feelings well.

"Adam?" The little voice from the doorway startled both men, Cassie stood there with Felicity behind her.

"What do you need?" He asked, his voice soft and compassionate.

"I listened." She said firmly but even in the moonlight he could see her eyes were apologetic. Adam swallowed at a loss for how to respond, he said nothing.

"I'm sorry, I should have stopped her." Felicity blurt out looking between her brother and Adam.

"Cassie, let's take a walk." Adam reached his hand out to her and she took it, he gave it a squeeze as they walked away. Will gently guided his sister back into the building, telling her everything would be fine.

"She will come back now, Adam, I know it. Now that she can't marry Richard, she will." Her eyes pleaded with him to agree with her.

"She might but we don't know that for sure, Cass," Adam turned to her and squatted in front of her, looking up into her eyes. "I don't want you to be hurt again, you have to understand that this may not change anything for her."  
"It changes everything. I know my mother will come back, I know." She said it with such conviction, Adam found it difficult to contradict her.

"Just don't get your hopes up." He said quietly and defeated. He once thought he knew what Maggie would do, now he had no trust in the woman's actions, no faith in her.

"It isn't wrong to hope, and I will never get her because of it. Because I will hope until the day she comes home, whether it's a week from now or ten years from now, she is my mother and I can never stop hoping." Cassie reached out and set her small hand on his shoulder, as though he were the child. Adam pulled the girl into his arms and she hugged him around the neck, standing back up, he headed back to the building for bed.

He could not deny what the girl had said, nor did he want to. Could hoping for the best to come out of a situation ever be harmful? As far as he knew, optimism never hurt anyone, on the contrary he had seen it help the person and the people touched by that person. Cassie was strong and maybe someday her trust in her mother would pay off.

* * *

"Uncle Hoss, when are they gonna be here?" Emily asked sitting on the step of the front porch, elbows on her knees and cheeks resting in her hands.

"Anytime now, Ems. Just be patient." Hoss chuckled, Emily had been up earlier than everyone meaning the wait seemed much longer to her than the rest. Now only ten past noon, and Hoss was not sure she was gonna make it till twelve thirty or later, that was only an estimated time of arrival.

"Uncle Hoss, I'm hungry." Katie bounded over to his side.

"How can you even think about food right now?" Emily asked standing up and stepping towards the road that they would ride in from, stretching her neck to see any glimpse of wagon or horse.

"Let me just put it this way," Hoss started with a smile. "They're gonna come at the same time whether we sit out here in the heat waitin' or if we're in there eatin'." Hoss winked at Katie who nodded her agreement. "Why don't you just keep an eye out for them and you can let us know when they get here."

"You don't deserve to know when they get here." Emily quipped with a smile. "If you can't take the heat then you'll just be the last to know when they get here."

"No, no." Hoss said thoughtfully. "Hop Sing will still be the last to know so I guess we'll be alright." Katie giggled.

"Nope, I'll tell Hop Sing first." She shook her head with a haughty smile.

"Well, in that case, I might just have to cool you off a little for your long wait." Even as he said it, Hoss grabbed at Emily but she jumped away, knowing exactly what he meant and not wanting an involuntary swim in the horse trough.

"Missed." She said in the best smart-alec tone she could.

"For now, but that horse trough still has your name on it, missy." Hoss pointed at her and then turned, and in one quick motion scooped up Katie and headed inside. Emily sat back now preparing for a long wait.

Only twenty minutes later, but what felt like an eternity to ten year old girl, the wagon pulled into view. Ben was driving with Adam sitting next to him, from his seat Adam could see Emily standing on the front porch, as soon as Ben stopped the wagon he climbed down and was met with an armful of little girl.

Adam lifted his daughter into his arms and held her tight, while Ben helped Cassie out of the wagon. "Emily." Cassie stood by him excitedly waiting for her turn to give her friend a hug. Adam set her down and watched the girls hug.

"Daddy!" Katie squealed as she ran from the house towards him, he smiled at the sight of her bouncing curls and scooped her up into his arms. It was good to be home.

For the next couple of days there was little talk about the trip, nobody seemed to want to know what had happened, Cassie and Adam did not volunteer the story either. Will and Felicity came the following day as promised and from what little he had seen of Will's work, Adam knew he would be a good worker. The girls loved Felicity, and it seemed like she was bound to get under little Joe's skin. From the moment they had met, Adam could see the attraction on both sides, but they irritated each other like nothing else.

Things seemed like they would return to normal, until Adam returned from town with a telegram.

"What is it?" Ben asked his son, he knew Adam well enough to see right off that he was troubled. Instead of explaining, Adam took a seat in one of the wing-backed chairs and passed the telegram to his father. Ben read it silently.

_Adam,_

_I will be returning on the noon train on Tuesday. I just pray that you meant it when you said I would always be welcome back._

_ Maggie._

"Did you mean it, son?" Ben asked handing the note back to Adam.

"Yes." He said but his eyes showed his uncertainty. "But I cannot allow her to hurt Cassie again, she will have to gain our trust again, until then Cassie will stay with me." He said firmly, Ben was not going to argue, it only seemed fair that she have to build that trust again but he wondered how she would feel about that.

"I'll have to tell the girls." Adam said as he pushed himself to his feet.

"Their out on the back porch with little Joe and Felicity." Ben chuckled knowingly.

"Well, Pa, I think we may have a new addition to the family in the near feature." Adam winked and headed out back.

"Hi, Daddy." Katie stopped their game of tag and ran over to him.

"Hey, sweetheart." He said to Katie and then turned to the adults. "Little brother, I think you ought to take Felicity for a walk down to the creek, it's mighty pretty this time of year." He more than hinted.

Joe rolled his eyes. "What do ya say, would you like to take a walk?" Joe stood and put his hand out to her before she even answer.

Felicity gave him a playful smile and stood up without accepting his help. "You make me sound like a dog, take her for a walk. Ha, men." She shook her head but kept a good natured smile on her face.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that..." Adam started but was cut off.

"I'm kidding," She laughed, her eyes sparkling. "Of course I would love to see the creek."

"Ya ya, come on." Joe walked past her and was off without stopping for her to catch up. Adam watched as Felicity nearly ran to catch up and chuckled at the unlady-like behavior.

"Girls, come sit down. I have some news for you." As each of the girls to a seat, Adam gathered his thoughts.

"What is it, Daddy?" Katie spoke up first.

"I got a telegram from Mrs. McCoy today," He stopped and watched their reaction, gauging how to continue. "She is coming back, her train arrives on Tuesday." Cassie jumped from her spot and threw her arms around Adam.

"I told you she would come." Cassie said into his shirt. Katie followed Cassie's example, then releasing her hug she bounced up and down.

"That's only three days!" She squealed. Emily sat quietly in her spot, Adam watched as she tried to figure out how to respond.

"Will I have go back to live with her?" Cassie asked looking up at him nervously.

"Only if you want to." Adam said. "I would like you to stay here with us, but it is your choice."

"I would like to stay with you, but I don't want to hurt my mother. What if she decides to leave again because I won't live with her?" Cassie worried.

"If she did leave it would be her fault not yours. I don't think she will Cass, but she will have to build our trust in her back up." Adam explained resting his hand on her shoulder.

"Why don't you two go see if Hop Sing needs some help with supper." Adam encouraged them both to leave, needing a few minutes alone with Emily. As the girls disappeared, he sat down next to Emily.

"Your not to happy about her coming back, are you?" He asked just to get the conversation started.

"Not really." She said quietly.

"Why?" Adam asked.

"She hurt us. I just wanted life to go back to normal." Emily said and dropped her head into her arms that rested on her knees.

"I don't think life could ever be normal again, Ems. But it can still be good." He said gently rubbing her back.

"Do you really think she'll let you keep Cassie?" She asked looking up at him.

"She doesn't have a say, she made her decision and with every decision comes consequences. Because she made the decision to leave, we don't trust her anymore and she will have to take the time to build that trust before Cassie will be returned to her." Adam told her.

"What if you make the right decision, are there consequences to that too?" Emily asked thoughtfully.

"Yes, like when Cassie forgave her mother, Cassie did the right thing and she felt better about it and was comforted by it. That is a consequence." Adam explained.

"I guess consequence just sounds like a bad thing." Emily shrugged.

"Well, that is because we usually use it in negative way." He told her.

"Did Cassie really forgive Maggie?" Emily asked.

"Yes, she did." Adam smiled at his little girl. "I did also but I will say that it is still not going to be easy to welcome her back."

"I know what you mean." Emily leaned into her father. "Daddy, it's been three months, today?"

At first, Adam did not follow her meaning, but then he realized what she meant. "It has."

"It feels like a lot longer, a lot of stuff has happened since then. Yet it's hard to believe she has been gone that long." She said looking up into her father's eyes. "I miss her, a whole lot. But I'm happy, Daddy, and I'm just glad that I still have you." She stood and put her arms around her father's neck. "Thank you for always being here."

"There is no place I'd rather be." Adam buried his face in his daughter's shoulder, holding her tight, trying to stop the flow of emotions. The words he spoke reminded him of a time sitting by his wife's bed with Emily on his lap singing a song. A song that just seemed to fit. He started to sing. "Well every road I see leads away from me. There's not a single one that leads me home. All the roads keep saying, friend, come see what's round the bend, so is it any wonder that I roam." Emily sat back on his knee, joy filling her at the sound of her father's voice, it had been so long since he had sang. "Oh, the places I have been keep a calling me back again, how down in the pines I hear the cold wind blow. My heart keeps telling me footloose and fancy free and the road goes by and calls me as it goes. Well, maybe somewhere there's a someone waiting there with a smile, and maybe there'll be someplace I can stop and rest a while, cuz maybe you weren't meant to be just a rolling stone, and there's a road to travel on that leads you back to home. Oh, but I'll keep a traveling on, keep a looking at the dawn, till I can lay this lonesome body down, and when that day has come I never more will roam and every road I see will lead me home. And now that day has come I never more will roam and every road I see will lead me home." Emily smiled up at him, the change of wording in the last line did not escape her.

"Daddy, maybe someday Maggie will find that road that leads her home. Do you think so?" She asked.

"I think so, Ems. And maybe we can be that someone waited there with a smile, maybe we can show her the road that leads her home." Adam kissed her forehead as a new hope surged through him. Maybe there was still hope for Margaret McCoy.


	18. God's forgiveness

The stagecoach finally pulled to a stop, Maggie looked out at Virginia City. The last time she had been there it had been decked out for the picnic, now it was back to the way it always was. She smiled at the irony, and wondered if her life would ever go back to the way it was, or if she even wanted it to.

She stepped out of the carriage and looked around till her gaze fell on Ben Cartwright, her stomach nodded and it took everything in her not to climb back in the stage. So many times on this journey, she had thought about what it would be like to come back and face the people she had hurt, the fear the thought provoked made her want to run back to...to...well there was no where to run back to. Maybe that was why she stood here now, she had no where else to turn.

"Maggie." Ben greeted her, the smile on his face did not quite reach his eyes and she could not help but wonder if he was truly happy to see her, maybe he even hated her. The thought choked her and she had to blink back tears before speaking.

"Hello, Ben." She could say no more for fear her voice would crack. Ben noted the struggle on her face and led her over to the wagon, lifted her in and then retrieved her bags. Climbing up beside her, he took the reins and started them home. Maggie chewed her bottom lip for some time, trying to spit the words out that were in her head but would not make it to her lips.

"Ben, I..." She stopped as her voice gave out.

"You don't have to say anything now." Ben said kindly. But his resolve to be nice to her gave her the ability to finally voice what she wanted, needed to say.

"No, I do." She took a deep breath and looked straight ahead. "I did not come back expecting things to go back to the way they were, I can't even expect any of you to be civil to me after what I did. I don't really even know why I came back." She said more to herself than to Ben but loud enough that he heard. "Yes, I do know. I came to try and make things right, I came to apologize." She continued as though speaking her thoughts aloud, as though Ben was not there. "Not that I really expect to be forgiven, I guess that's why it was so hard to come. But I had to try to fix things, to make things right, even if there was no hope. Didn't I?" She turned the question on him, taking him by surprise, maybe she had been talking to him the whole time.

"You didn't have to," He paused. "you chose to." The simple phrase gave comfort to Maggie.

"Yes, but then," She sighed. "how can I even ask them to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself? I don't deserve it." All hope seemed lost as she choked the words out. Ben pulled the wagon to a stop on the dusty road and sat for a moment thinking while Maggie watched his face for his reaction.

"None of us deserve to be forgiven. We've all made our share of mistakes some worse than others, true, but mistakes none the less. To God wrong is wrong, we have all done wrong and none of us deserve anything better than to deserve to spend eternity in hell separated from God's love. But the Bible says in Romans 5:8 "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.". Even while we were sinners, are sinners, God loved us enough to provide a way of forgiveness, a way to heaven to spend eternity with him. He sent his only Son to die, to pay the penalty for our sins, the wrong we do even from a small lie to murder, he paid for that sin by dying on the cross for it, his sinless blood was spilled, He was buried and rose from the dead. Defeating death itself, he provided a way to heaven, to forgiveness." Ben stopped, he had got to talking and had not stopped to see if she understood what he meant.

"How can we be forgiven?" She asked confirming to him that she was listening and taking it all in.

"Ask. All we have to do is ask God to forgive us of our sin, tell Him we are sorry for the things we have done, and ask Him to come live in your heart and be the Lord of your life. God loves us and he wants everyone to accept Him as their Savior but He also gave us the free will to make that choice on our own." Ben finished. Maggie thought on what he had told her.

"I want to be forgiven." Maggie said not knowing what else to say.

"Then humble yourself before God and ask for his forgiveness." Ben took her hand. Maggie bowed her head and closed her eyes and right there on that dusty road she asked God to forgive her and come into her life.

When she was done, Ben smiled at her. "You are now God's child, Margaret McCoy. He is there to be your friend, your comfort, your guide. You can lean on Him in times of trouble, in times when you are afraid."

"Thank you." She squeezed the hand that still rested on hers.

"Hmhmm, now let's go see that little girl of yours." Ben grabbed the reins and with a click of his tongue the horse started up again.

Maggie gave him a weak smile but firmly said. "I am ready."

* * *

"Hoss," Adam sighed, He and Hoss were brushing there horses down in the barn. "I'm gonna take a walk, mind keeping an eye on the girls?"

"Sure, brother, but Pa and Maggie should be here any minute." Hoss stepped to the other side of his horse so that he could see Adam.

"I know, I'm just not sure I'm ready to meet her is all." Adam turned away and continued brushing his horse.

"Ems said that you two were planning on greeting her with a smile." Hoss pointed out, chuckling at how his niece had put it.

"I just don't think I can bring myself to do that. Hoss, nothing in me has any desire to be nice to her. I am still angry at her." Adam growled trying to keep his calm and not tell his brother what he was truly feeling.

"And what about Emily, she needs you to do this." Hoss added.

"How can I bring myself to stand out there and welcome her back when nothing in me wants to?" Adam asked turning back to face Hoss, his brother was looking at him with sad eyes.

"I guess that's the truest test, doing what's right when everything in ya is tellin' ya not to." Hoss said softly. Adam turned back to his horse, he hated to admit it but he knew his younger brother was right. He had faced death many times in order to do what he knew was right, why was it so hard to face a woman, this woman?

Hoss left Adam to his thoughts in the barn and headed into the house where three little girls were busily getting ready for Maggie's arrival. "You all cleaned up like Adam told you too?" Hoss asked.

"Yep." Emily and Cassie called at the same time as they hurriedly set the last dishes on the table.

"Well let's see." Hoss called and they quickly formed a line in front of him. Each wore a different color and style dress, Hoss noted that each dress fit the girls' personalities perfectly. Cassie stood to the left her dark brown hair pulled halfway up and braided in the back, definitely a more country girl style than she was used to. She wore her a light pink calico dress with short sleeves and a ruffled collar trimmed with lace. A ribbon around her waist that tied in a bow in the back, and just about three inches from the bottom more lace was sown. The dress was more like a party dress but no one was going to discourage her from wearing her best to welcome her mother home.

Emily and Katie wore their Sunday dresses, Emily had her green one that she had gotten for her birthday and Katie was wearing a blue on that matched her eyes. Katie's hair was in braids with two small blue ribbons tied in bows and Emily's hair was down as it was still to short to braid, she wore one of her mother's silver clips that had a small green flower on it that pulled the hair back from her face. The clip was much to old for her but since it was just family it would be fine.

"You girls just look dandy." Hoss smiled in his friendly way that could make a wild cat turn into a house kitten. "Now, do you have..." The question was interrupted as a wagon was heard pulling up, Cassie was the first to disappear and the others followed, each forgetting that their Uncle was talking.

* * *

As Maggie saw the house come into view, the knot in her stomach grew, dread filled her again. "God, please help me do this." She asked silently. Looking back towards the house she saw the door fly open and a flash a pink, Cassie was running towards her. All worries and fears dissipated and without thinking she hopped down from the wagon before Ben had completely stopped, amazingly she managed to stay on her feet. Cassie made it to her just as she managed to gain her balance and nearly plowed her over again.

Maggie held her daughter tight, tears streaming down her face, she could not remember the last time she had been so happy. There was no doubt in her mind that this was where she was supposed to be, with her daughter. "Mama, I missed you so much." Cassie looked up at her without pulling away.

"I missed you to, sweetheart. Oh, I missed you so much." She hugged her even closer.

"Are you really staying?" Cassie asked the side of her face pressed into her mother, to afraid to look her in the eye. Maggie's heart sank, she remembered times when she was younger when she had said that no child should ever have to wonder if their parents were going to be there for them, if their mother would ever come back. Now she had put her own child through that very thing, she had truly become her mother, except she had come back.

"Yes, Cassie. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She said with every ounce of conviction she could muster. She wanted Cassie to believe her to trust what she said, but she knew that would take time for that trust had been broken. Glancing up, Maggie saw everyone she had come to know and love over the summer standing in front of her. "Hello, Emily. Katie. I missed you both."

"Mrs. McCoy." Emily nodded her greeting with a smile that looked rehearsed.

"Hello." Katie giving a quick smile and looking at the ground. Maggie could not stop herself, she did not know if it would be welcome or not but she moved forward and enveloped both girls in a hug. To her surprise Emily hugged her back but Katie was reserved. When she stood back up, she glanced at the men around her and uncomfortably extended her hand to each. "Hoss, Little Joe...Adam." She swallowed before saying the last name and nervously held her hand in front of him, afraid he would not take it.

"Mrs. McCoy." He gave the same greeting that his daughter had and even smiled at her as he shook her hand. As Maggie stepped back and put her arm around Cassie everyone lapsed into silence. Finally Maggie spoke again.

"Ben, would it be possible for me to have a few minutes alone with Adam. We have a few things to discuss." She did not want to face Adam but she decided the sooner she got it over with the better.

"Of course, come on girls lets go see if Hop Sing needs help with dinner." Ben headed for the door and Joe and Hoss followed with Emily and Katie.

"Go on, Cass. We won't be long." Adam said gently and the girl reluctantly obeyed. Maggie's heart ached at the sound of the very nick name that her husband had used for Cassie, then she turned her focus back to what she had to do. "What are you expecting?" Adam turned towards her as Cassie disappeared into the house, his question had sounded harsher than he had meant.

"Nothing." Maggie said quietly shocked by the abrupt start to the conversation. "I wanted to make things right and maybe, maybe start over."

"And you think it's going to be that easy. Just come back apologize and get back to normal." Adam turned away and leaned on the corral.

"No, I..." Maggie swallowed. "This is not the way I wanted this to go." She said quietly.

"You wanted everything to be fine, everyone to be happy that the prodigal returned. Well, I'm sorry but my father may have wanted to kill the fatted calf but I still have three little girls that have been hurt by you and are under my care and protection. So, don't expect such a warm welcome from me." Adam finished wanting to take every word back. So much for helping her, welcoming her, he had let his temper get the better of him again.

"That is not what I meant. I mean I'm sorry. I didn't want to argue with you. I didn't expect a warm welcome, you all gave me a better welcome than I could have ever imagined. Adam, I came back expecting nothing, but hoping that I could make things right. I know what I did was wrong, horrible, but I had to try to fix my mistake." She stopped but when he did not say anything she continued.

"I am not going to stand here and try and justify my actions, it would not work. I understand that. I had my reasons and I now know how terribly stupid I was. I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for not keeping my deal to stay to the end of summer, I'm sorry for hurting your family. I'm so sorry for it all but I cannot change what happened, I can only try to repair the damage that I caused. That's why I came back." She leaned against the corral, her energy spent and all she wanted to do was weep, but instead she starred off into the woods.

"I lost my temper, I'm sorry, that wasn't the way I wanted this to go either." Adam said turning to look at her, something about her seemed different. "I can't promise that we are all going to be open and ready to trust you as soon as you would like, but we are all trying."

"I am too. Adam, would you allow me to tell you the part of the story that you do not know.?" She asked cautiously.

"I'm listening." He spoke starring off into the distance.

"I guess it started after Will died, I was alone with a young girl and I was scared. Richard started seeking me out and spending time with me. He was never really caring or considerate but he was kind enough. I started to enjoy his company, rely on him being around when I needed someone. I guess I even thought I might love him. He moved faster than I liked though, and told me he still wanted to marry me. I think I would have at that point but he made one condition that I could not bring myself to do – send Cassie away." Maggie stopped and repositioned her leg to rest on the corral. Thinking back to that time made her recent actions seem even more ridiculous but then when you fall it does not happen in a moment. It happens over time as slowly you let your guard down, you give a little and then a little more until your somewhere you never thought you would be.

"I left, I packed our bags and got the first train ticket I could. I knew I wasn't strong enough to tell Richard no, and not be persuaded later. I knew the only way was to disappear where he'd never find me. Will had read me your letters, he always sounded so excited telling us about the Ponderosa and saying how we all had to see it someday. The letters said that we'd always be welcomed and with no where else to go, I hoped his wife and daughter would also be welcome, and we were. But Richard found out where I was and started sending telegrams. I realized as the end of summer grew near that once school started I no longer had an income, I thought my only choice was to return to Richard. I told him I would come when summer ended but he said he would not wait that long. I left Cassie with you knowing that she would be in good hands instead of off somewhere that I would not even know how she was. I just didn't know what else to do." Maggie stood silently waiting for Adam to say something but afraid of what he would say.

"You had other options." Adam said softly.

"I know that now. I know that what I did was wrong and now all I can do is apologize and try to make it right. I realized something about my mother that I never had before. Maybe she was just like me, I know how hard it was to live with my father, maybe she couldn't handle it anymore. Maybe he did something that caused her to leave, whatever may have been the reason she was doing what she thought was best for me when she left me. She had to of known she could never support me the way my father could, I was better off with him. I wonder if one day she realized that she had made a mistake in leaving, I wonder if she ever thought of coming back. Maybe she did and maybe she was too afraid, too afraid to face me, afraid that her daughter would not forgive her. Maybe she thought she would not be welcome back by my father or me. I don't really know but when I realized that it made me all the more determined to come back and try to fix things, no matter what the outcome." Maggie stared at Adam trying to gauge his reaction but his face showed nothing of what was going on inside. She was tired of talking now and hoped they would just go inside with the others, she had said all she needed to say.

"I think we should go in, Hop Sing should have dinner ready." Adam said turning towards the house and then as an after thought said. "Cassie will continue to stay with us." Maggie followed him into the house, she knew there was no room for argument so she would not try, besides she had expected as much.

As Maggie was getting ready to leave that evening, Cassie went outside where Adam was hitching up the buggy. "Adam?"

"Yep." He answered as he continued to work.

"Can I stay the night with my mother? I'll stay here after that I promise but I just want to spend time with her." Cassie quickly explained. Adam stopped work and went to stand in front of her.

"Cass, if you want to stay with your mother, you can. I'm not going to force you to stay here, it's only if you want to." He touched her chin and smiled to comfort the girl, he still seemed to make her nervous.

"I do want to. I just miss her." Cassie shrugged.

"Go ahead, and tomorrow you can come back here if that's what you want. Your mother understands, she won't be hurt." He explained.

"Thank you." She gave him a quick hug and ran back to the house. Adam was not worried about Cassie spending the night there, actually he would not worry about her had she wanted to go back and live with her mother. For some reason, he already trusted her, he knew she was going to make things right and she would stick it out no matter what.

* * *

"I'm glad you came with me." Maggie told Cassie as they walked into her boarding room, Adam had rode with them on his horse so that he could make sure nothing happened to them and so Maggie would have a rig.

"Me too. I missed you, mommy. And I prayed so much that you would come home." Cassie sat on the bed.

"And God answered your prayers." Maggie sat by her daughter.

"You believe in God?" Cassie asked surprised because her mother had never mentioned it.

"Yes, now I do. Where did you learn to pray?" Maggie asked.

"I learned from Adam and Emily and even Katie. They all taught me a little." Cassie said.

"I guess we have both learned a lot from this family, haven't we?" Maggie put her arm around her little girl.

"Our family." Cassie reiterated.

"Cassie, dear, things may not work out the way you want them too. Especially now." Maggie tried to explain.

"You never know. Besides, I'm praying that it will happen." Cassie smiled. Maggie could not help but smile, even laugh, the faith of a child seemed so simple. "I love you, Mama." Cassie leaned into her mother hugging her tightly.

"Oh, I love you to, Cassandra." Maggie kissed her daughter's forehead. Maggie was not sure how her daughter felt towards her nor what was going to happen in the coming days but somehow she knew it would all work out. She had a peace that she could not explain even at the thought of living the rest of her life without a husband.

* * *

Katie was resting peacefully in Adam's lap, he had been reading to her until she fell asleep. Emily came in from doing her chores with her Uncle Joe. "Well, it's been a long day, I think I'm gonna head home and hit the hay. Goodnight Ann, Adam." Joe said as he headed out the door to ride home.

"What did Joe want to talk to you about?" Adam asked as he reached his hand out to Emily. She walked over to him and stood by the side of the chair, he gently put his arm around her.

"Just about something that happened while you were gone. It's nothing really." Emily shrugged.

"Alright, I won't push. But I might be able to help with it if you tell me." Adam offered.

"No, it's fine, Daddy." She grew quiet for a moment and then gave her father a questioning look. "Daddy, I know we decided to welcome Maggie back, but it was really hard. Are you still mad at her?" She asked hoping it would make her feel better if he was too. Adam gave her soft smile before he stood and walked to his room where he placed Katie in the bed. He walked back out to where Emily stood and picked her up, then took his place in the chair with her on his lap.

"You know, Ems, I was real proud of the way you acted today. It was very mature, and I know it was difficult. To be honest, I nearly backed out before she got here, Hoss had to knock some sense back in me." Adam chuckled. "I was still angry with Maggie, not only for leaving Cassie, but for hurting you and Katie. But you know what, I'm not angry anymore. Maggie did wrong, she made a mistake but she came back and she is trying to fix it." He explained.

"I just don't get how Cassie can go back with her like nothing happened. She said that she forgave her, but how? After what she did to her." Emily asked.

"Are you really worried about how Cassie forgave her, or are you wondering how your supposed to forgive her? I know she hurt you to Ems, you trusted her and she broke that trust." Adam paused to let his daughter think about what he said. "But then your only responsible for what you do, not what Maggie did or does. Emily forgiving someone is the right thing to do, no matter what they did, holding that anger in your heart only hurts you, not the person that your angry with. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can't excuse your actions because of what someone else did. You can't make the excuse that you can't forgive Maggie because she hurt you and she doesn't deserve it. Well your not responsible for what Maggie did but you are responsible for yourself and what you do. Do you understand?" Adam asked knowing that this was a lot for a ten year old to grasp.

"Not really." She said thoughtfully.

"Look at it this way. If Katie hit you for no reason and you hit her back. Who do you think should get in trouble?" Adam asked.

"Well, I want to say Katie, but I think I would too." Emily answered.

"Your a bright girl." Adam smiled. "Yes, you both would. Why would you get in trouble? I mean it was Katie who hit you in the first place, wasn't she wrong?" Emily finally realized where he was heading, and now she understood his meaning.

"Yes, she was but I would be wrong for hitting her back and I am only responsible for me not for what Katie did. Just like I'm responsible for how I act towards Maggie and whether or not I forgive her. I think I get it now. Did you forgive her?" She asked.

"Yes, I guess I have." Adam smiled at his little girl that was growing up faster than he liked.

"I think it might take me a little longer but I'll try." She told her father.

"I know you will. Come on, it's been a busy day, let's get to bed." Adam lifted her up and walked into his room. He gently pulled back the covers so he did not wake Katie up and set Emily in the bed. She did not question him but happily curled up next to him after he climbed in. But as Emily lay next to her father in her parents bed she felt very lonely for her mother, tears slipped from her eyes and onto her father's shirt. Adam felt her tense as she tried to control the sobs that suddenly bombarded her. He tightened his grip around her, he whispered to her. "Your mother would be so proud of you." Emily buried her face further into her father's shoulder and cried herself to sleep. Adam held her, offering the only comfort he knew how, he felt her body finally relax.

Adam lay awake for some time, thinking of all that had happened in the last few months, wondering how he had ever made it through, how his girls had made it through. He had often wondered how they would go on, how he would go on. As he lay there, he felt at peace, an unexplainable peace that he knew could only come from his Heavenly Father. The one he had tried to turn away from, the one he had blamed for his wife's death, the one he had ignored, was still waiting there for him to turn back and accept the peace that he offered. Adam fell asleep with that peace in his heart.

* * *

The next morning Emily and Katie woke up alone in their father's bed. Katie was about to get up and find him, when Emily stopped her. "Katie, wait." She sat up in the bed, Katie stopped and turned to her sister.

"About Maggie, she didn't leave because of you. Honest, I never should have said that, I was just angry." She told her little sister. Katie climbed back on the bed and sat in front of her.

"You really think so?" She asked.

"Of course, Kates, I was wrong to say that. I'm sorry." Emily said.

"It's okay, I'm just glad it wasn't my fault. I thought Cassie would hate me if she knew. Why did she leave?" She asked thoughtfully.

"I don't really know, I guess she felt like she had to. Katie have you forgiven her for leaving?" Emily asked.

"Sure, she came back, didn't she?" Katie said. Emily was silent for a moment, her sister made it sound so simple. But then to Katie everything was simple, everything was black and white, there was no grey areas to her little sister.

"I guess she did." Emily said thoughtfully. Both girls looked up when they heard footsteps coming towards the door, but instead of their father like they expected, Maggie opened the door.

"Good morning, girls. Breakfast is ready." She said cheerfully. Katie bounced off the bed and ran over to her, throwing her arms around her in a big hug, Emily smiled it was good to see the normal Katie back.

"Morning, I'm starving!" She giggled.

"Well, no wonder, I was beginning to think you would never get up today." Maggie laughed and watched Katie head towards the table then she turned back to Emily. "Are you hungry?" She asked.

"Mmhmm." Emily nodded but still did not move.

"Come on, I made your favorite." Maggie smiled and put her hand out to her. Emily climbed out of the bed and walked over to her but did not take her hand, instead she just offered a smile. Maggie gently touched her back with the outstretched hand and walked with her to the table. Cassie and Katie were already seated and Adam walked in just as Emily took her seat.

The meal was quiet and uncomfortable, Cassie and Katie seemed to be fine with Maggie but could sense the uneasiness. Adam did not feel like attempting conversation and so he kept quiet as well as Emily who just did not know what to say. Maggie did not try to start a conversation, she knew the silence was because of her and was wishing she could just hide.

"May I be excused?" Emily asked speaking barely above a whisper.

"Yes." He said before looking at her plate, she had eaten very little and normally would have made her finish, but he did not feel like dealing with it so he let it pass. Emily got up from the table and headed outside to start her chores. Maggie hurriedly left the table and followed her out the door. Emily leaned up against the railing on the porch and waited for Maggie to talk, part of her wanted to continue to the barn and ignore her, while the other part wanted everything to be alright between them.

Maggie stopped in front of the door, she had decided so suddenly that now was the time to talk to her, she did not have a plan of where to start. "I missed you." She said earnestly wondering if she would even believe her. Emily softened, she wanted to turn and give her a hug and say everything was alright, but was it? She was not sure she was really ready to completely forgive her yet and that little bit of anger held her back from mending the bond.

"You did very good in the race, I'm sure you could have won." Maggie started.

"You weren't even there." Emily said sadly. "You promised and then you left."

"I know I wasn't there like I should have been, but I did watch like I promised. I was so proud of you for finishing even though you came in last and were hurt. I saw the whole thing Ems." Maggie said and moved up beside her. Emily finally turned her head to look at her.

"To Katie the only thing that matters is that you came back, and maybe she's right. But I just don't understand why you left us." Emily said blinking back the tears and swallowing the ever-growing lump in her throat. She did not want to get emotional especially in front of Maggie but she could not seem to stop it.

"I was wrong, it was a stupid mistake and I just was not thinking right. You know how when you know something is not right but it seems like a good idea at the time until you do it and then you see how wrong it was, then you have to face the consequences for it. Adults make those kind of mistakes too, I did and I cannot change what happened but I am trying to fix things. Will you forgive me?" She asked hopefully. Emily was silent for a moment nearly everything in her wanted to say yes and move on but it was hard to look past the hurt that had been done. She thought about Cassie who had been hurt the most, she had forgiven her and was ready to move on. She thought about her father, she knew he had forgiven her even if not everything was righted yet. Then she thought of Katie and her answer, _she came back. _

"I forgive you." She said quietly feeling uncomfortable saying the words. "I missed you too." She said putting her arms around Maggie. Maggie held her close, it felt so good be held by the woman she had come to love, Emily was in no hurry to leave to finish her chores.

"You better go get your chores done." Maggie pulled away but was still smiling at her.

"You know you could really make it up to me, if you helped me with my chores." She said with a grin.

"But I might get my shoes dirty." She shrugged her shoulders.

"We should invest in some work clothes for you so you don't have an excuse to be lazy." Emily shook her head.

"Lazy! Who cooks your meals, washes your clothes, cleans your house, and takes care of three rambunctious girls?" Maggie said in mock anger.

"Ummm...I do!" She giggled.

"Really, well I'll gladly let you continue doing all that along with your chores that I am to lazy to help with." Maggie said smartly. Emily smile faded.

"No, no. I was just kidding. You do a great job with the house and clothes, and your a great cook. I wouldn't want to take away your fun. I'll just...go...do my chores." She smiled and hurried to the barn before she got more work for herself. Maggie laughed as she watched her run off, it felt so nice to be on good terms with that little girl again.

Maggie leaned back against the railing, her heart felt light and content. Her thoughts wandered back to the night before she had left talking with Adam. _"Maggie, I do care for you but only as friends right now. I am not ready to love again. I don't know that I ever will be." _She played the words over in her head again as she had done so many times hoping that it help her shut off the feelings she still had for him. But this time she noticed something she never had before, the words _right now_ stuck out to her. He said that he cared for her only as a friend right now, he was not ready to love but that left and opening for the future. Maybe he believed he could love her in the future, that his feelings may change. The words sent hope surging through her but she knew this time she would have to be patient, let God lead her, and give Adam the time he needed. She did not mind having to wait, deciding right then that Cassie and her would stay in Virginia City whether or not Adam ever fell in love with her. But she could not stop the hope that someday she would be Mrs. Margaret McCoy Cartwright.

**Next chapter will be the last and it will be pretty short so I should get it up soon. Thank you for all the kind reviews and I am so glad that so many of you have enjoyed it so much. This story actually took a totally different turn than I thought it would but I just could not bring myself to go with the original plan. I have ideas for another story but I would love to hear what you all would like. I am planning on going ahead a couple of years, so I can keep things moving along, so you all can see the girls grow up. Thanks again.**


	19. Seven kinds of love

**I am sorry this took longer than I thought, I guess I'm kind of getting burned out on this story. I am sorry to those who want it to go on, I would like to, but it's time to end it. I thank you all for your encouragement and help through the story and I do plan to write more eventually, I can't promise it will be soon. **

**To those who thought that Maggie was forgiven to quickly in the story, I will explain my thinking, forgiveness is a decision not a feeling. When you decide to forgive someone, putting aside all feelings and reasons for why they should not be forgiven, you may not necessarily feel like everything is right again. Well, it's not, forgiveness is the start of making things right not what happens after it is made right. When you have decided to forgive someone the healing can begin between you and them, that doesn't mean everything will be just like before, there's a lot of hurt and anger to be dealt with, and trust to be earned back. I heard a saying that explains forgiveness very well. "Harboring anger & bitterness toward another is like letting that person live rent free in your head; it's like drinking poison yourself, but hoping it kills that one with whom you're bitter. There's a better way - just forgive." I know it does not usually happen this way but I wanted to show what it could be like if we did just learn to forgive.**

**Here it is the last chapter!**

Summer was finally over, and everyone had spent the day at Adam's house.

"Cass, we should get going." Maggie called. Cassie still stayed with Adam and the girls but every once in while spent the night with her mother and since this was the first night before, she decided to spend it with her mother. Cassie hurried around saying goodbye to her new-found family. Adam walked them to the door.

"Goodnight, Adam." Maggie smiled though she was still uncomfortable with him, it was as though their relationship and taken a couple steps back to when they were first getting to know each other.

"Be careful on the way home." Adam said looking past her. "You'll bring the girls back here after school tomorrow?"

"Yes." She nodded. Neither moved not really knowing how to end the conversation.

"Goodnight, then." Adam finally said and Maggie took her chance to just nod and walk away. Cassie shrugged her shoulders, not understanding the awkwardness between the two adults. Adam chuckled and squatted down as she hugged him, putting her arms around his neck.

"You nervous about school tomorrow?" He asked.

"A little, I hope every body likes me." She said pulling back to look at him.

"I'm sure they will and you have Emily and Katie there with you." He smiled encouragingly.

"Thanks." She wrapped her arms back around him leaning her face against his, she whispered in his ear. "Goodnight, I love you, Daddy." Adam squeezed her a little tighter and kissed her cheek.  
"I love you too, Cass." He smiled at her before sending her off to join her mother. Everything just felt right.

When Adam walked back in the house, Ben was gulping down the rest of his coffee getting ready to leave himself, knowing that they should not stay late because the girls had school.

"School starts tomorrow. I get to go to school, I get to go to school." Katie sang as she skipped around the living room, only stopping when Hoss grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap.

"Save some of that energy, little one. You might need it tomorrow morning." Hoss chuckled as he bounced her on his knee. Emily sat criss-cross on the floor playing a game of checkers with her Uncle Joe.

"She won't be so excited in a couple of years." Emily said rolling her eyes.

"She won't be so excited in a couple of days." Little Joe joked, getting a laugh from everyone in the room.

"Katie, it's time to get to bed. Say goodnight." Adam said to his youngest daughter.

"Why not Emily?" She questioned.

"Emmy is older than you, she'll be up as soon as her game is finished. Now go on." He motioned for her to head upstairs. Hoss lifted his niece onto his shoulders and bounced her up the stairs to bed. Emily was happy, for once it paid to be older. When her Uncle Joe had cornered her last piece and beat her once again, she cleaned up the game and found her way onto her father's lap. Adam could sit there forever with his daughter cuddled close running his fingers through her straight auburn hair. She gave him a sad look, her large brown eyes looking up at him, her mouth turn down in a pout. "You look more like your mother everyday." He smiled at the thought.

"I do?" She questioned excitedly.

"Yes, even your pouting is like your mother." He chuckled and touched her freckled nose. "What's the matter?"

"I had fun this summer, I'm not ready for school to start again." She cuddled closer to him.

"I know but you'll have fun at school too, learning all the things that ranching can't teach you." He added.

"Daddy," She smiled sweetly at him, "can I wear my jeans to school, I can't play baseball in a skirt. Clint taught me real good and I bet I could beat all the boys but not in a dress, it would get in the way." She explained hopefully.

"Nope, don't even try it. I will not let you go to school looking like a rag-a-muffin. You will just have to be good enough in a dress." Came his final answer.

"But..." She was quickly stopped by his raised finger.

"Not another word about it." He kissed her forehead. "Now get on up to bed, I'll be up to tuck you in."

"Wait, I have something for you." She sat up suddenly remembering, she hopped off his lap and ran up to her room, in less than a minute she came back with a piece of paper.

"Well, we better head out." Ben said motioning to the boys.

"Goodbye, Grandpa and thanks." Emily said giving him a hug then made her rounds through Hoss and Joe, Adam said goodbye and soon they were alone. Emily walked back over to her father's seat and handed him the paper. "I got it done before school like I promised, I didn't do it all by myself though, Grandpa checked it for me and made corrections on my spelling and stuff." Emily explained.

"I'm proud of you for going through with this, Ems, for taking it seriously and doing a good job. Now would you like me to read it out loud?" He asked.

"No, I think I'm gonna go get ready for bed." She said.

"Alright, I'll be up in a bit to say goodnight." Adam smiled understanding not wanting to be around when he read her work. Emily headed up the stairs and after she disappeared behind the door, he turned his eyes towards the paper. It was written in her best handwriting that still was not very good but he could already see the areas where his father erased and had her try again. After glancing over it, he started to read.

**Seven Kinds of Love**

**by Emily Ann Cartwright**

I asked a lot of people about love in order to write this paper, I wanted to know more about it and my daddy told me to study it. So I watched people and asked lots of questions, well this is what I came up with.

The first kind of love I learned about is God's love. His love is perfect and no one can love like He loves us because we aren't perfect. We make mistakes but God still love us. I don't really understand God's love to much but I know that He loves me and nothing can change that. The second kind of love I learned about was from my Uncle Joe, I don't think anyone thinks he knows a whole lot about love because he is always chasing after women, but he told me about one girl he loved. He said that love is sacrifice, you are willing to put the others needs before your own. He called it a dedicated love, because over time it can get hard to show someone you love them especially when they make mistakes or make you mad. Love is dedication not a feeling, that's what grandpa said.

I even talked to Katie, I didn't really expect her to know anything about love but I guess she did. She said love is simple, I thought she was silly at first but then I realized what she meant. There are so many things we do each day to show each other that we love each other. Simple little things that remind others we care. Love has so many different ways of being shown. Grandpa calls one way tough love, that's when your father has to discipline you because you did wrong, Grandpa said before, that this love is one of the strongest kind because it is hard to discipline your child but you know you have to because you don't want them to be in danger again. I don't understand all the things I have to do, like stay home instead of going to work with him, and having to stay with that snobby lady, who I don't think is snobby anymore. I know that my daddy would only do what he thought was best because he loves me. That doesn't always mean I'm gonna like it but at least I know he loves me.

I found out to that love can grow, even if you don't like the person at first or don't want to like her, you can grow to love her without really even thinking about it. The lady who told me that also told me that I would always find a way to love again no matter what happened in my life, because I have a big heart. I guess she was right. I see how Uncle Joe and Felicity look at each other and act around each other and I am almost sure that their love is growing too for each other. Number six is something I learned from Cassie, the love of a child. I guess I know that love to, I love my Mama and Daddy so much. Cassie does to and even though her Mama left her and hurt her, she still loves her. Kind of like a dog always loves it's master no matter what they do to it.

The last kind of love I learned about this summer, is probably the hardest, love that forgives. Forgiving is not always easy but its always right. Cassie forgave her mother because she loved her, I forgave her because it was the right thing to do but now I think I'm starting to love her again. You cannot truly love someone unless you are willing to forgive their mistakes, because everyone makes them. That kind of goes back to God's love because He loves us enough to forgive us of the wrong things we do. Those are just seven kinds of love that I learned this summer, I'm sure there are a whole lot more but now I understand love a little better.

Adam read and reread the paper, he was surprised and pleased with his daughter's work. Through everything that had happened that summer, Emily had been watching and learning. But then that is what trials are for, right? They are to teach us lessons, Adam thought a bit about that, wondering if he had learned from the trials he had faced. Yes, he smiled, he had. Thinking back, he realized that he was stronger, not physically but mentally and spiritually, his faith in God had grown stronger. He was also more understanding and compassionate to others feelings and needs, having known them himself.

Adam walked up the stairs to say goodnight to his girls, he said goodnight to Katie first, she was still awake and excited and he knew it would take a while for her to fall asleep. When he went into Emily's room she was sitting on her bed in her nightgown, legs criss-crossed on the bed. She looked up at him when he came in and relaxed when she saw his smile. "Did ya like it?" She asked.

"Yep," Adam nodded and sat next to her. "You did very well. Do you really think Joe and Felicity are falling in love?" He asked with a chuckle.

"You have to be blind not to see it." She giggled. "I like her a lot, I guess I approve."

"Well, I am sure that Joe will be happy to know that he has the go ahead from his niece." Adam smiled and tussled her hair. Emily giggled and climbed onto her father's lap.

"I love you, Daddy." She snuggled close. "I still miss Mama a lot, but it doesn't hurt as bad as it used to when I think about her. I usta just cry. But now I can be happy when I think of her and I remember all the fun we had, I remember her laugh and smile."

There was a long silence as father and daughter just enjoyed being together, Adam thought about what his daughter had said. Life was moving on, with or without his consent, it was moving on without Sarah. His daughters were learning how to cope with the loss and go on with their lives, while he just managed to get through each day without her. Sometimes the pain was still unbearable, he would lay in his bed at night wondering how he could make it through another day without her by his side. Emily. Katie. That's how he made it through, each day waking up to his girls is what made life worth living, made it possible even enjoyable to make it through each day.

"You know what I remember most?" He finally asked in hoarse whisper as he swallowed the emotion building inside of him.

"What?" Emily asked, intrigued by his statement because he rarely talked about her mother.

"Her love." He said simply but those words meant more to the them than a hundred could have. Anyone who was close to Sarah would have understood the meaning in those words but her family even more so. She had the biggest heart that anyone ever knew, she loved openly and showed it in her actions, speech, and manner. She was not perfect, though if you asked her family they would say she was. She was thoughtful, caring, and feisty. Adam smiled, it felt good to remember his wife in a happy way. "I love you, Ems." He kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, Daddy." She cuddled into his chest and he kissed her forehead. Adam knew that every time he heard that name from one of his daughters, that he knew what true love felt like. As he walked down to his room, a peace flooded over him, and somehow he knew that everything was going to be alright, that they would make it.

**Thank you for all your support and help through this story, it's been much appreciated. Sorry it took so long but sometimes things just happen. I know you don't want this to end but I can't keep writing on this same story, I'll go crazy. My next story will be fast-forwarding a couple of years but will have a lot of flashbacks so we aren't missing to much. I can't promise another one will be up anytime soon, but I will try. Emily and Cassie will be thirteen and Katie will be nine, if you have any ideas for story lines I will take it into consideration. Thank you all.**


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